Authors' Note: This is ajoint work. Two writers, myself and my long time, close friend and fellow writer,Washie Demon. This is something she and I have been tossing back and forth for some time, and decided now would be as good asanytime to go for it. This story isEXTREMLY dark. It conisides with my"Blood" series, and is pre-movie. It also uses, and is inspired by,Pink Floyd's two albums, The Wall and Wish You Were Here
Disclaimer: We do not own Sheldon Jeffrey Sands,or any of Pink Floyd's lyrics.They belong, very respectedly, to their creators, and we love them to much to try and take credit for such creations.But we're just crazy enough to combine the two. >:)
He'd come in when no one had heard him. And he stood where no one could see him. They were all laughing, enjoying the free time they had for the few moments they had it. They didn't notice him. They wouldn't have. He stood there silently, some distance from them. Pain rattled through him at every moment one of them laughed at something another had said. He longed more then anything to be that table with them. Wrapping his arms around his self, as if to ward of an unfelt chill, he listened to them.
Now There's A Look In Your Eyes, Like Black Holes in the Sky
He didn't expect the all to comfortable subject they were discusing, to take the serious note it did, or that he'd be the topic of choice. And he was lost between hating them and feeling relieved that some one still thought about him.
Jenna tapped her ashes off her cigarette, looking around the break table at the nightshift group she was with, this night in the CIA offices. "Something has occurred to me." She said in her soft voice.
Sammy looked up from the magazine he was flipping through, to glance at the officer who sometimes worked by their side. "What's that, Jen?"
Jenna drew a long drag on her cigarette, then glanced over at Cerise who had become lost in thought. "It's not the same...with out him." She said.
Cerise looked over at her. Jenna could see that the redhead wanted to say something, but couldn't seem to get the words to leave her mouth.
"He just lost it..." Sarah muttered from her spot, staring at the table top.
"A person just doesn't loose it." Sammy muttered, going back to flipping through his maganzine. "He had his reasons for doing it..."
Sarah gave Sammy a vicious look. "Some one needs a REASON now to have a mental break down!" Her tone was bitter and hard.
Sammy looked up at her, silent for a moment. He chose his words carefully. "He'd been spiraling down ward for awhile, Sarah, and you know it."
Sarah rolled her eyes, lighting a cigarette angrily. "He didn't just CHOSE to go fucking crazy! He didn't CHOSE to end up the way he has!" She snapped.
"Since when did you stand up for him, so passionately, Sarah?" Jenna asked, giving the younger woman a curious look.
"You haven't worked with him as much as I have." Sarah bit back.
Jenna rolled her eyes. "Sarah, every single employ in this place, be they agent, analyst, linguist, ect.ect. knows for a fucking fact, that, that man was ALWAYS crazy. And it was just a matter of time before he cracked completely under the pressure." She glanced in Cerise's direction, as she said this.
But the British redhead's green eyes were on the window to the darkness of the night, and she said nothing still.
"The thing that gets me," Sammy said, closing his magazine, "Is I would have expected him to...go out with a bang, shall we say. That's just his style."
"I agree with you, Sam." Jenna said with a nod, snuffing out her cigarette butt. "I would have expected him to make a show out it, ya know. One last Fuck You, before he crashed and burned. Not that terribly subtle way he went out..."
"Fuck you, Jenna! You're acting like he's dead!" Sarah snapped, with a white hot glare.
Jenna flipped her off, rolling her eyes. "Fuck yourself, Sarah. But what I'm saying is TRUE. Even YOU must admit that for him to do it the way he did, was extremely subtle, to the man we knew and worked with." Jenna fired back.
Sarah grabbed Sammy's magazine and flung it at Jenna. "It wasn't enough for him to overdose! It wasn't enough of him to try and slit his wrists! It's not enough that he WANTED to take that jump, to pull a complete Tom Petty Free Fall!"
Jenna sneered. "Subtle, for a man of his imagination!"
They were suddenly silenced when Cerise came ot her feet, pushing her chair from behind her, with such force that it feel over. She came down on the table, her hands shaking the cups of coffee and the ash tray as they slammed down before her, and she leaned towards all three of them. "He was subtle, because he was in PAIN!" She hissed through clenched teeth. "A pain not one of you can EVEN begin to understand."
She moved away from the table with a disgusted look. Jenna went to open her mouth to retort, when Sammy placed a hand on her arm, silencing her. They watched Cerise pace in an aggravated way.
Then Sammy said softly. "Cerise, darlin' we know you're in a bad spot right now, trying to deal with this. Don't take it out on Jenna like this, it's not helping..."
"Shut the fuck up, Sammy!" Cerise snapped, her tone inching towards yelling. "You don't know and you don't understand! You don't know what he's going through, and you don't understand his pain!"
"And you do!" Jenna asked hotly, fighting the urge to get to her feet.
"I understand FAR better then you three fucking prats do!" Cerise sneered, glaring dangerously.
"It's OVER Cerise! Even if he's not locked up in some mental hospital somewhere, he's lost his career here! They're not going to take him back with a head like that!" Jenna spat back.
Cerise opened her mouth to say something, but the only sound that came out of her mouth was a gasp, and her eyes widen in surprise. The other three heard acouple of shuffling footsteps, and they turned. He stood there, pale and drawn. T-shirt and jeans looking as if they'd seen better days. The look of pain and confusion in his eyes, hurt Sammy and Sarah, and caused Jenna to regret the things she'd said.
He looked as if he was about to speak. But he didn't open his mouth. Then he shook his head, turning away from them, and they heard him mutter, "Mother, did it need to be so high...?" as he left the room.
Sammy lept from his chair, Cerise behind him as they hurried towards the door. "Sheldon, wait!" Cerise called out, but he didn't stop. "Jeff!" Sammy tried to get his attention.
But Sheldon Jeffrey Sands kept walking, and disappeared from their sights. And what he hoped, was their lives. So much for happy thoughts.
"Oh god..." Sarah moaned, coming up behind Sammy and Cerise, looking into the deserted hall. "We've got to find him! Before he hurts himself!" She said despertly to them.
"Or someone else..." Jenna muttered, having no idea how much her words would soon be effecting them all.