A/N: Stop making new stories! Stop! Stop! I'm a bad girl, but this will probably get deleted in five seconds anyway, as my stories tend to have been recently. And, I must say, I have been feeling a severe lack of inspiration for my other ones.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the songs or characters.
The Hogwarts students were having a dance. Although this dance was different from most dances. But most of the students didn't know this. They thought it was a normal dance.
"This dance is bloody lame! As usual…" Draco Malfoy scoffed from his dark corner where he was brooding sexily, as Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini, his new best friends in everyone's fanfictions, including J.K. Rowling's, which she likes to call The Half-Blood Prince (Crabbe and Goyle seem to have been abandoned), stood next to him also brooding sexily, but not as sexily as Draco because he is a bigger/more important character.
"Amen to that!" Theo exclaimed.
"Yeah, son," Blaise said, since the Author can't seem to figure out Blaise's race because it's different in every fanfiction (including J.K.'s). So it's going to change. No one thought it was weird; they were all used to Blaise's attempts at rediscovering his roots.
Draco huffed and folded his arms across his nicely toned chest. What would adolescent girls do if Draco's chest wasn't nicely toned?
"Why don't you find your boo and dance with her?" Blaise wondered.
Draco rolled his eyes. "If by 'my boo' you're referring to Pansy, then I refuse to dance with that obnoxious cow," Draco replied. "She's getting massively on my nerves."
Blaise shrugged and leaned against the wall.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the flashing flourescent lights and blaring (horrible) wizard music, the trio was standing together.
"Come on, you guys, why won't you dance?" Hermione nagged in her utterly naggish way.
"Because," Ron moaned, "who are we going to dance with?"
"I'll dance with you!" Hermione chirped ignorantly.
Ron turned red, although it was hard to see under the flashing flourescent lighting.
"Maybe some other time, Hermione," Harry said consolingly, even though he's usually the obnoxious one full of complaints. "I'm sick of girls right now."
Hermione sighed dramatically. "Fine," she said, "I'll go dance by myself, and you two will look like giant losers because you're friends with the solo dancing girl." She smirked, turned on her heel, and disappeared into the giant throng of gyrating students.
Draco was still brooding in his dark corner with Theodore and Blaise when this strange urge suddenly came over him. He sort of slipped into a strange trance of sorts for a moment, only hearing the music and seeing the sweaty, gyrating bodies…
"Che cazzo!" Blaise cursed loudly in Italian as someone accidentally spilled pumpkin juice all over him. Because wizards would never, ever want to drink carbonated drinks. Or anything normal.
Draco snapped back into reality. " – Huh…?" He turned to see Blaise swearing under his breath as he wiped off his shirt with his hand while the fourth year who had spilled on him got some napkins. Then, when Blaise and the Author both remembered that he could use a spell, he quickly took out his wand and mumbled one and the juice immediately disappeared.
Draco twitched strangely as Muggle computer generated music began to blare from thin air.
"Whoa – are you okay - ?" Theo started, attempting to grab Draco's arm as he walked in his trance through the throng of students.
Before anyone knew what was happening, Draco suddenly had gained a lot of talent in singing and dancing, as the rest of the school suddenly became decent dancers as well. But mostly Draco and Hermione.
"Up in the club with my homies, trying to get a little V.I., keep down on the low key, 'cause you know how it feels," Draco started singing. "I saw shorty she was checkin' up on me, from the game she was spittin' in my ear you would thank that she knew me – " He turned to Hermione and they started dancing rather inappropriately. "So we decided to chill. Conversation got heavy. She had me feelin' like she's ready to blow!"
"Watch out!" the fourth year who spilled pumpkin juice on Blaise and also happened to be little and named Jon yelled in a raspy voice.
"Oh!" came from Draco as he continued to dance in a rated R fashion with Hermione.
"Sayin' come get me!" – Hermione mouthed the three words – "Come get me! So I got up and followed her to the floor. She said baby let's go," – Hermione mouthed the words again – "So I told her I said, yeah, yeah, yeah."
The whole dance floor broke out into flawless dance moves.
"Shorty got down low, said come and get me," Draco sang perfectly as he danced. Who knew anyone could accomplish such a difficult feat! "I got so caught up I forgot she told me! Her and my girl were the best of homies. Next thing I knew she was all up on me screamin'. Yeah! Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Yeah, yeah! Yeah!"
Draco and Hermione and Co. began doing the strange piano and bird moves from the "Yeah!" music video.
"So she's all up in my head now. Got me thinking that it might be a good idea to take her with me, 'cause she's ready to leave (to leave). But I gotta keep it real now, because on a one to ten she's a certified twenty. But that just ain't me! Hey! 'Cause I know (oh!) if I take that chance just where it's gonna lead, but what I do know is the way she dance make shorty alright with me. The way she get low! I'm like yeah, just work that out with me. She asked for one more dance and I'm like, yeah, how the hell am I supposed to lead?"
They broke into the chorus again.
"Shorty got down low, said come and get me. I got so caught up, I forgot she told me! Her and my girl were the best of homies. Next thing I knew, she was all up on my screamin' yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah! Yeah!"
"Li'l Jon!" screamed the mysterious pumpkin juice-spilling fourth year.
"Watch out, my outfit's ridiculous," Blaise started rapping, "in the club lookin' so conspicuous. And wow! These women all on the prowl. If you hold the head steady I'm 'a milk the cow. And forget about game! I'm 'a spit the truth: I won't stop 'till I get 'em in their birthday suit! So give me the rhythm and it'll be off 'a their clothes. They bend over to the front and touch ya toes. I left the jag and I took the roles and if they ain't cuttin' then I put 'em on foot patrol. How ya like me now? When my pinky's valued over three hundred thousand? Let's drank you da one to please," – he stumbled a bit as he wasn't sure who's name he was supposed to insert in the lyrics – "… Fill cups like double D's. Me and – um… - once more when we leave's 'em dead; we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed that say:"
"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" Draco started up again, as everyone continued dancing except for the little fourth year named Jon, who was spraying magically conjured champagne everywhere. Although, wizards probably don't drink champagne. "Shorty got down low, said come and get me! I was so caught up I forgot she told me! Her and my girl were best of homies. Next thing I knew she was all up on my screamin'!"
Everyone started yelling the word "yeah!" to the lyrics. Draco was a little pooped by now as his trance stared fading and as soon as the computer generated Muggle music ended, everyone toppled to the ground in a defeated heap.
Hermione was the first to shoot up.
"What just happened!" she cried.
Draco slowly sat up, rubbing his head. "I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm a damn good dancer, and Blaise ain't to bad at rapping!" Draco cleared his throat. "What am I saying? I need sleep."
The rest of the group mumbled in puzzled agreement and stood up. There was a slow rush to exit the Dining Hall.
Hermione woke up groggily the next morning. She felt oddly uncomfortable as she got dressed and washed her face. She headed down to breakfast, passing a few ugly Slytherin girls from her year along the way who glared at her maliciously. Last night's strange events popped back into her mind and she involuntarily shook her head to rid herself of the horrid memory.
She found Ginny, Ron, and Harry when she reached the Dining Hall and sat with them. "Good morning," she said, trying to put on a happy demeanor.
The three nodded tiredly at her.
"Well, everyone certainly is very lively this morning." She was trying desperately to take her mind off of the scarring previous night.
Ron chuckled. "Sorry," he said, looking across the table at her with a small smile on his face. "So, that was some show you put on last night."
"Oh, fuck!" Hermione moaned, dropping her head onto the table.
Ginny snorted annoyingly, but Harry was still too tired to react.
"I'm serious, what was going on?" Ron asked.
Hermione slowly brought up her head. "I have no idea!" she whisper-cried. Like people do in movies when the camera has to hear what they're saying but they're supposed to be whispering. "I wasn't the only one acting strange – I wasn't the one singing, first of all! And there were a billion other dancers. So stop being so obnoxious!"
Ron shrugged smugly and Hermione rolled her eyes.
Suddenly someone threw their hands down on the table next to her.
"Yeah, what about last night?"
Hermione looked up, irritated. It was Pansy. "I don't know," she said seriously.
Pansy looked disbelievingly back at her. "Uh-huh. Right. You just grinded the night away with my boyfriend for no reason."
Hermione sighed angrily. "Did nobody notice the strange singing talent that Malfoy developed? Or everyone's magical dancing skills? Huh?"
"Whatever," Pansy said, staring at Hermione with anorexic eyes. …… She leaned toward Hermione until her face was right up against Hermione's. "Bitch."
The whole table gasped at Pansy's remark. How DARE she call Hermione a bitch!
Hermione's jaw dropped as she watched Pansy turn on her heel and strut off back to the Slytherin table.
"Whoa," Harry remarked, his eyes still glazed over from the morningness. "That was rough."
For the next day, people continued to make remarks to Hermione about what happened between her and Draco at the dance. She continued to get sneers in the hallway from Pansy and her friends. She was beyond irritable by dinner. She wanted to have an enjoyable Sunday, but that had to be ruined by the Slytherin brats.
"Ugh! I'm ready to explode!" Hermione screamed during dinner that evening after Pansy got all the seventh year Slytherins to laugh and point at her for five minutes straight. She was about ready to pop a cap in someone's ass by now.
"There, there, Hermione," Ginny attempted at comforting, stroking Hermione's arm.
Then Pansy and her posse approached the table once more.
"How's trashy Hermione the boyfriend stealer doing?" Pansy questioned, beating those anorexic eyelashes of hers up and down at a thumping pace.
Hermione licked her lips. She had had enough of this.
Suddenly music started playing from nowhere. Just as it had the night before…
Hermione stood up and faced Pansy. "Whatcha been doin'? Whatcha been doin'?" she stared singing. "Whoa, whoa, haven't seen ya 'round. How you been feelin'? How you been feelin'? Whoa, whoa, don't you bring me down." She started walking forward, poking Pansy in the chest as she sang. Pansy looked utterly flabbergasted. "All that stuff about me, being with him, can't believe all the lies that you told just to ease your own soul. But I'm bigger than that. No, you don't have my back. No, no, HA!" She jumped back oddly. "Hey, how long 'till the music drowns you out, don't put words up in my mouth. I didn't steal your boyfriend. Hey, how long 'till you face what's going on 'cause you really got it wrong; I didn't steal your boyfriend." At this point, Hermione stood up on the Gryffindor table. Pansy's jaw was practically hitting the floor. "Well I'm sorry, that he called me," she continued to sing, completely aware that the lyrics now had nothing to do with the point she was trying to prove. "And that I answered the telephone. Don't be worried. I'm not with him. And when I go out tonight I'm coming home alone. Just got back from my tour. I'm a mess, girl, for sure. All I want is some fun. Guess that I'd better run. Hollywood sucks you in, but it won't spit me out. Whoa, whoa. Ha!" She jumped on the table with the word "ha" and caused several plates and platters to crash around loudly. But it just added effect.
"Hey! How long 'till the music drowns you out? Don't put words up in my mouth! I didn't steal your boyfriend," she continued. "Hey, how long 'till you face what's going on? 'Cause you really got it wrong; I didn't steal your boyfriend. Hey, how long 'till you look at your own life instead of looking into mine? I didn't steal your boyfriend. Hey, how long 'till you're leaving me alone? Don't you got somewhere to go? I didn't steal your boyfriend." She snickered and stepped down from the table. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, ha. Whoa, whoa, whoa, ha." She stopped in front of Pansy and her posse. "Please stop telling all your friends. I'm getting sick of them always staring at me like I took him from ya." She smirked at the group before turning around again. "Hey, how long 'till the music drowns you out? Don't put words up in my mouth! I didn't steal your boyfriend. Hey, how long 'till you face what's going on? 'Cause you really got it wrong; I didn't steal your boyfriend. Hey, how long 'till you look at your own life instead of looking into mine? I didn't steal your boyfriend. Hey, how long 'till you're leaving me alone? Don't you got somewhere to go? I didn't steal your boyfriend."
Hermione started walking around the aisle next to the Gryffindor table just a bit as she ended her song. She also started dancing slightly spastically. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, ha. Whoa, I didn't steal your boyfriend. Whoa, whoa, whoa, ha, whoa. I didn't steal your boyfriend!" She spat the last line right in Pansy's face, and then sat down calmly as though nothing had just happened.
There was silence throughout the Dining Hall until Blaise suddenly stood up and yelled, "You go, girl!" pumping his fist into the air. He sat back down again. More silence. So he slowly stood up again and said with slightly less enerjy, "And you just got served."
A/N: I really hope this doesn't get deleted because it's actually really fun to write! Give me any song suggestions and I'll try to work them into a plot. Because there will actually be a plot! Oh, and I got this idea because when I listen to music I sometimes imagine Harry Potter characters singing it. Because I have no life and it's actually really entertaining during long car rides. You should try it sometime.