Okay, this is me just trying something a little different and fun...it just popped into my head last night and I knew I had to write it before i went to Dads...this is set in...hmm, start of season 4? Yeah, sounds good to me! Oh, and The Ambiguously Gay Duo...I think that was either a TV show or a skit or something, I cant quite remember...i just recall my brother talking about it hehe, and thought it seemed like a good title! So please, read and review and I love you all!
The first time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay, simple as that. I mean, he was cute, smart, funny and a good dresser, not to mention that quality I just could not put my finger on! Sure, he had checked me out – even with the monstrous nose I had then sported – but that didn't sway my first impression; he was, after all, still a guy. I mean, back then, every guy checked me out, gay or not…but I'm not vain…well, maybe a little, but what's wrong with being vain? Anyway, getting off track here, talking about Chandler, not me!
It was a year after we first met that I realised that maybe he was straight after all. That was when he created pools of drool on the floor each time he stared at Monica…but before I could delve into that too much, his toe had been sliced off and there had been more pressing matters…I still remember Monica and I searching for that toe hours after it had been sliced of; not the best search I had ever done, but thankfully Mon had found it, not me…gross.
Anyway, moving on. The first time I met Joey, I knew he was straight. Raw sexual magnetism, covered by an angelic face. Yummy. But hands off for Rachel; you don't sleep with your friends…well, I slept with Ross, but that was different…he didn't have raw sexual magnetism…
There had never been any doubt in my mind on that first meeting with everyone – me in my stupid wedding dress still – that Joey was straight…until Chandler moved closer to him…
The first time I saw Chandler and Joey together, I knew that they were a couple…which just threw me completely off track with the whole Joey thing. But, turns out, I was wrong…they weren't a couple, but there was definitely something between them…something that they didn't even know.
They love each other; it's as simple as that. They're soul mates, lobsters, whatever the kids are calling it these days, I don't really know…sadly, I'm not as hip as I once was. Not that 27 isn't a hip age though! But yeah, those two are meant to be. Only they didn't know and I saw no sense in pushing them…really isn't my place to do that! They could remain ambiguous about it and stay secretly gay…hmm, the ambiguously gay duo…I like it!
The first time I saw Chandler, I felt my heart skip a beat. Maybe it was because I was overweight and my heart was in trouble, but no…I was sure it was because he was so…oh, so sexy! I just wanted to eat him up…okay, bad choice of phrasing there Mon.
But then the bastard had to go and call me fat. Jerk! Ass! Who was he calling fat? Had he looked in a mirror…okay, that's stupid. Chandler is the complete opposite of fat. In fact, he is downright thin, with a nice amount of muscles placed on top to satisfy the ladies…meow…but what am I talking about? That crush had ended years ago, now he was just the guy who peed on me…and anyway, this is about Chandler and Joey, not about Chandler and me…it has never been about Chandler and me…focus, focus…
Anyway, I thought Chandler was hot, blab la bla, it was only after that I considered he might be gay…but then he started to drool over me so that theory went out the window…and made me feel great! You know, until I cut his toe off…if we ever had kids, we would have a hell of a lot of stories to tell them…but that wont happen, crush over, this is about Joey and Chandler.
And yeah, when Joey first moved in, I felt my heart skip a beat once more, followed with the weakening of knees…that smile, yowzer! And then there had been the lemonade incident…which, although impressive (he certainly had a lot to be proud of) kinda turned me off of Joey, sexually…and plus, by the time I had gotten over that little heart stopper, I had seen him and Chandler together, and talk about sexual tension. There had been sparks from day one and I had found myself disappointed…but not because I had lost my chance with Chandler…I was just disappointed for the hell of it…but yeah, those two together are, without doubt, perfect…and it's just sad that they haven't figured it out yet…maybe they won't figure it out….huh.
The first time I met Chandler, I thought he was either gay or stoned. As it turned out, he was neither and I was the stoned one…good times.
See, I realised he wasn't gay, and I think a lot of people at college realised that too…but then there was this girl…who we both liked. I knew I shouldn't have, but I told her that Chandler was gay…and gay with another guy that liked her. Realistically, I think that Chandler would have gotten laid a lot more in college if it hadn't been for me. I mean, he's smart, funny, cute…maybe I'm a little gay?
…anyway, I was sure that Chan was straight…until Joey came into the picture. Now that was something unexpected!
Sometimes you just look at two people together and know that those two people are meant to be. That's what I see when I look at Joey and Chandler…that's what everyone sees…everyone except those two…
There is not a doubt in my mind about Joey and Chandler. From day one of meeting Chandler, I knew that he was gay. He thought I just teased him, but I knew. I'm not stupid, and I see more then others. And then Joey came along and I knew he was gay too…I mean, come on! He sleeps with so many girls, that is obviously just a cover-up! I mean, how slow can some people be?
So, basically, it was written in their…stars, I guess you could say. Those two…perfect for one another! So meant to be! Only, they were just as stupid as everyone else…if not, more stupid, because at least others had figured it out in time…these two couldn't even figure it out after like, five years or so. God!
The jokes I made towards Chandler were not just for jokes sake…it was because I was trying to clue him in people! And I mean, Chandler is usually smart, but on this he is just clueless! So, I decided to try Joey…I even bought him some gay porn and sat him down to watch it, and nothing! Well, not nothing, I am, after all, a woman…but nothing for him! Talk about frustrating!
But I have made it my duty to get those two together…everyone else is just leaving them alone, thinking that they shouldn't push them, but they should all know that pushing is what these two need! They are both so incredibly stupid when it comes to their own feelings…Chandler freaks out over commitment, and Joey is all about the sex…they don't know! But I'm gonna make them know…oh yeah, Phoebe Buffay will not sit quietly in the night…somehow, I am going to get those two together…but discreetly, I don't want to blow my cover!
Webster's dictionary defines the word gay as-
Wait, that blows. Sounds like I was writing an essay for 9th grade English, not doing a general wonderment.
Of course if I was in 9th grade, I would be sleeping with my hand not beautiful women. Badoomchu!
Yeah, I so have to stop doing that…and who am I kidding? I still sleep with my hand more then beautiful women.
The only sex I ever seem to experience these days is listening to Joey and Random Airhead Bimbo number 168 do it in the next room…if I sound bitter towards her, it's because I am!
Not because I'm jealous of her sleeping with Joey…No! I'm simply jealous because she's not sleeping with me…and because she is so freaking loud in bed that she drowns out Joey…not that I want to listen to him anyway…no, that would be…yeah that would be…
So, everybody seems to think Joey and I are gay. I can't understand that. I can't see it.
I mean, for the longest time, the word gay meant to be happy…so, are Joey and I gay together? Of course! Always! Every damn day…but that's happy gay, not fornicate gay. My dad is fornicate gay, and once you've seen tequila shots off a houseboy, you've seen enough fornicate gay…yeesh!
But gay in fornicate gay? No! I mean, we're closer then most guys, but that's just because we are so comfortable in our own sexuality that we are able to hug for long sessions, sleep in the same bed on occasions, and generally peek at one another naked while we are sure the other doesn't know…but that's not hay, that's curiosity! Now if I could just get Random Airhead Bimbo number 168 to quieten down…
Me and Chandler? Gay? Together? That's stupid! I mean, look at the girl lying naked next to me…Susan….or was it Julie…maybe it was Michelle…oh, it doesn't matter, Chandler will just end up calling her Random something or other…he's always making up names that make me laugh…
But Chandler and I are not gay! I mean, have people not heard about the huge amount of women I have slept with? Have they not seen my huge stack of porn…with the guy on guy movie hidden well between the two girl on girls…but that had just been a joke gift from Phoebe…and I had only kept it so she wouldn't feel bad.
Hell, I had even watched it once with her to make her feel better, and just because my eyes had been glued to the screen-
That's not gay, it's curiosity!
But still, everyone thinks Chandler and I are gay together…I don't get it! I don't see it! We are closer, and I love the guy…and…occasionally, I tend to hold him a bit longer when we are hugging. Sometimes I tend to stare at him when he's not looking (a few times when he was naked, and let me tell you, he has nothing to be ashamed of…but that's just curiosity again) and sometimes I remember the colour of his eyes, or wear his cologne, so I can remember what he smells like, and sometimes I dream about him in ways that I wouldn't with guys but hey!
I do that with all of my friends! Well…with Rach, Mon and Pheebs…never Ross…maybe I should hang out with Ross more?
Apparently Joey and Chandler – whichever ones they are, I can never tell the two apart – are secretly in love with one another, and everyone except for them knows it. I can see it, they act like a couple, and the taller one does have that quality, which the shorter one sleeps with more women then Warren Beatty ever did – an obvious attempt at trying to convince himself he's straight. And plus, when they look at each other, there is nothing but pure love between them…and they always seem jealous when one of them gets a girlfriend. I mean, when the taller one…I think that's Chandler…yeah, when Chandler went out with crazy big haired nasal voice woman, short guy…Joey, seemed to hate her…and not just because of all her annoying qualities…he was jealous, I could tell.
So, the two are meant to be. Doesn't bother me, I think they would be great together. And hey, as long as it keeps them away from Rachel, it's fine by me.
Now, if I could just get rid of Ross….