Yuugiri: Before you kill me for this one shot, I want to declare my never ending love for KiraLacus and AthrunCagalli. This one shot is merely something I thought of writing because of a reviewer who requested for a KiraCagalli one shot before, and I've been playing with it in my head for quite a long time now on how to write it.
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Possibly every famous writer in history had written about love. Different definitions were given to this emotion that it was starting to become quite confusing. There were so many ironies about their definitions. They said that if you love someone, you will fight for them no matter what. Some, on the other hand, say that if you truly love someone, then you will let them go. They said that love is never jealous. But when you love someone, can you really not be jealous? They said that love makes you happy, but then why were there a lot of people miserable because of it? Why was he miserable?
Kira fingered the tiny white flower on the small breast pocket of his coat as he made his way down the busy hall of the Attha Mansion, lost in thought. And he wished that even for this one day – just this one day – he was someone else…
Today was Cagalli Yula Attha's wedding day. He was going to be walking his sister down the aisle and pose as the best man for Athrun Zala as well.
And he felt like he wanted the earth to open up and swallow him alive.
She was getting married, and she was happy. Athrun was happy. Everyone was… But there was something in the pit of his stomach, an empty hole that kept on getting bigger with each step he took towards the room where she was getting ready. The ceremony was in an hour. He could feel the seconds ticking in his head like a bomb.
He raised his sweaty hand and knocked on the door when he finally found the room after passing it several feet off. He stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before he heard a loud sound from the inside followed by strangled curses coming from none other than Cagalli herself. After a lot more shuffling, the door finally opened and three maids nearly mauled him over as they tried to walk over each other to get out of the room first, as far away from an angry Cagalli as possible. Kira followed them with his eyes as they hurriedly scampered down the hallway, whimpering pathetically. Slightly distracted, he smiled and turned back into the room.
He wish he hadn't. There, standing in the middle of the room, in a flowing white gown, and lovely white flowers in her golden hair, was none other than the woman that had been haunting his subconscious since after the war.
She looked furious as she tugged at the long silver gloves on her hands and arms. And as he watched her while she was unaware, he could not help but remember the very first time he met her.
It was back in Heliopolis. She was as feisty now as she had been then, reckless and hotheaded. From the very moment he saw her, he knew that she would be playing a big part in his life. But for all that was good and holy… why did she have to play the part of the long separated twin?
His chest tightened as he clenched his fist at the memory of that fact. He had really not given it much thought when she first told him this. Perhaps it looked so petty as compared to the war… But now that he had his life ahead of him, he could not help but curse fate for having her so unattainable to him. Her being in love with his best friend did not even come close to what he was worrying about.
He was in love with his sister.
And she was getting married today…
He hated fate. He felt cheated by it. Why? Why? Why did he have to know this?
He bit his lip and closed his eyes, and started to ask himself that same question that he had been asking himself over and over again for the last four years. If he hadn't known, if she hadn't known… would they have been…
The former Freedom pilot's eyes flew open when he heard her call him. He saw her amber eyes looking at him in wonder, one hand still tugging at her glove as she started approaching him. Her long flowing gown swished across the floor and he could see her scowling at it for being in her way. She was not having an easy time coming to him, so he decided to meet her halfway. Stepping into the room, he closed the door behind him.
"Hi there," he greeted her. He was rewarded with a tired smile. "You look lovely."
The smile instantly dissolved. "No, I don't. I look like a trout caught in white and silver netting."
Kira shook his head ruefully and looked down at his sister. She looked anxious, worried. He found his hand reaching out to fix the flowers in her hair. "You look like the beautiful princess that you are."
At his comment, she did something that he did not believe he would ever be able to see again. She blushed.
Oh, God, how long has it been when he saw her blushing? Yes… It was that day when he was crying on the deck of the Archangel… And she was suddenly there… She had hugged him, and for the first time ever, someone didn't see him as the Coordinator that he was, and instead saw him to be that little boy who needed comfort. She had told him everything will be okay. And then she got mad at him after that, telling him not to get any ideas.
This time, however, she did not get mad. Instead, she shyly looked up at him and asked, "Do you think Athrun will think I look good in this dress? I feel insecure…"
Once again, his chest tightened and he nearly plucked a petal from the flower he was tucking behind her veil. Why did you have to be my sister? "He will. I will personally beat him up if he said you weren't."
She raised her eyebrows, surprised. "I can do it myself, you know?"
He had met her before he ever met Lacus, who he knew was starting to care deeply for him. And he knew her even before Athrun did. He had always thought of her immature then, as she thought of him as a crybaby. But perhaps that was what made him so drawn to her. Like him, she always let her emotions take over her. But that in itself made her special. He loved her, even before he knew what she was to him.
So why was fate robbing him of that chance to be in love with her? Why of all people did they have to be what they were? Would it have made a difference if they never knew? Would she still have loved him back as more than what she was feeling for him now?
So many questions. They mattered little, if it mattered at all.
"Are you all right?" she asked him when she noticed he was staring.
He blinked, startled. He looked away. "Yeah, of course."
She peered up at him worriedly. "Really?"
He laughed and stroked her cheek. "Really. So are you all right yourself? No butterflies? No cold feet?"
At the mention of this, his sister brightened. "Remarkably, none at all. All that talk about everyone getting cold feet during their wedding day is all a load of crap." She grinned toothily. "I have never been this sure in my life, Kira. I am marrying Athrun. I love him, he loves me. And I am happy."
Once again, his heart skipped a beat, and he could have sworn it showed in his eyes because Cagalli frowned. Trying to cover up for it, he slowly slipped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her to him, burying his face in her neck, smelling the write flowers that had mingled with the scent of her hair. He felt her return his hug without hesitation.
If this is the only way I can love you… then this will be enough. So long as I can love you… period…
She let out a strangled sob and he held onto her even tighter.
"When my father died, he told me that I will not be alone. That I will be with my brother… " she started. "Perhaps that's why I'm not scared. Because I know no matter what, you will be there for me, Kira."
He closed his eyes shut, willing himself to digest what she was saying. "I will always be here for you."
If this will be the only way for me…
She laughed. "Oh, God, my make up!"
He did not let her go when he felt her try to move away. Instead, he raised his face to the ceiling and murmured the words that he had been trying to hide for so long now. "I love you, Cagalli…"
But his heart, this time, did not skip a beat when he felt her pull away from him and look at him with a happy smile. It merely stopped beating altogether. She hit him playfully on the shoulder. "Now don't go all sappy on me, Kira." She hesitated for a second, before once again throwing her arms around his shoulders. "But I love you, too. So very much!"
And he stood there, arms loosely at his side, his face towards the ceiling and Cagalli's arms around his neck. It was not the end of the world. His heart was going to heal, whatever joke fate has played on him.
If this is the only way for me to love you…
He would not be able to do anything about it.
If this is the only way for me to love you…
She was his sister, and he was her brother. They were siblings… But God damn it all, he wished they weren't.
If this is the only way for me to love you, then so be it. I will love you all the same… They can define love with so many different words if they wish, but for me it's simply that. I love you.
He closed his eyes and smiled, returning her embrace.