The Efforts of the Seigaku Tennis Club to Induce Laughter in Tezuka Kunimitsu, by Inui Sadaharu et al
Members of the species Tezuka Kunimitsu (here we take "species" to mean one person, as the existence of any other Tezuka Kunimitsus is purely coincidental and has no bearing on the following experiments) are characterized first and foremost by unusual talent in and utter obsession with the sport of tennis, as well as by a singularly serious temperament. Research shows (1) that laughter provides great physical and emotional benefit for people under high strain.
Given the amount of pressure (largely self-imposed) on the aforementioned Tezuka, the regular members of the Seigaku tennis club chose to investigate ways of making Tezuka laugh with the goal of relieving some of the pressure. Such a phenomenon has not been observed in more than five years (2), and our results demonstrate just why achieving this goal is so difficult. However, we feel that the final conclusion will be of great benefit to the scientific community, allowing many overly serious people to experience laughter for the first time in years.
1. Niou, M. (2004). "101 ways to torment your vice-captain to the amusement of the rest of the team", Rikkai Journal of Sanada Torture, Volume 2, pp. 2-58. 2. Tezuka Ayana, personal communication.
Experiment 1: Tickling
Kikumaru Eiji was chosen to carry out this experiment due to his ability to run away quickly in case of danger. Oishi Shuichiroh volunteered to serve as a distraction by discussing ranking matches with Tezuka, as this is a topic that has been proven to absorb 98 of Tezuka's attention if raised within three weeks of a tournament (3).
Tickling was performed on the side, 8.2 cm above each hip bone, using the index and middle finger of each hand and approaching from the rear. The duration of tickling was 4.56 seconds, after which Kikumaru was forcibly restrained by the subject. Despite the small amount of data available, we feel that this conclusively demonstrates that Tezuka is not ticklish on his side and that this is therefore not a viable method of inducing laughter. However, we are still attempting to devise an experiment to test ticklishness on the soles of the feet, as this has been shown to be a sensitive spot in 93 of subjects (4).
Despite its failure in terms of laughter induction, this experiment provided some interesting data as to the administration of punishments. Kikumaru was given 50 laps to run, a number specifically tailored to his limited endurance such that he would be pushed to his limit but not to the point of injury. Oishi was not punished, but it is unclear whether this was due to his friendship with Tezuka, sympathy for his not-entirely-voluntary participation or a failure on Tezuka's part to realize that Oishi was involved in the experiment. Taking into account the lack of punishment for the others involved in planning this experiment, we suspect the final option, despite the unlikelihood of Tezuka being unaware of anything involving the tennis club.
3. Inui, S. and Fuji, S. (2003). "Specific obsessions of Tezuka Kunimitsu". Proceedings of the Seigaku Academy of Tezuka Distraction. Volume 8, p. 7.
4. Kikumaru, E. (2004). "Invasion of personal space of Seishun Gakuen students". Journal of Touchy-Feely Junior High School Boys. Volume 1, pp. 1-458.
Author's Note: For those unfamiliar with the format, this is supposed to resemble a lap report/scientific paper (hence the random citations). Stay tuned for further experiments, including silly costumes, puns and Inui Juice.