This is my view of what a Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy article on slash would be. Like or don't like, whatever. Im a great fan of H2G2 (to the point of being able to quote most of the radio series), and so mean no disrespect or anything by writing this.
Warnings: Contains hints of slash (obviously)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. As much as I would like to, I don't. The characters belong to the great Douglas Adams and the slash belongs to the fangirls.
This is the story of the slash of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, one of the most remarkable, certainly the most successful genres ever to come under the control of the fangirls. More popular than the self-insert fic, better reading than 53 more kinds of love story and more controversial than the various Mary Sue inserts; "When Mary Sue met Zaphod", "Some more Mary Sues join in" and "What are these Mary Sues anyway?" And in many of the more relaxed fandoms, slash has already supplanted the great "let's torture our favourite character fics" as the standard repository of all fangirlyness in the galaxy.
To tell the story of the slash, it is best to tell the story of some of the minds (and bodies) in it. A human, from the planet Earth, is one of them. Though as our story begins he most certainly knows his destiny with a certain alien as much as a psychic know what he had for tea yesterday. His name is Arthur Dent, he is a six foot tall ape descendant and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his home. However, this is completely irrelevant, as we all know the slash started way before this. The object to Arthur's affections is one of his closest friends who was not descended from an ape, but was in fact, from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse. However, we must assume that Betelgusians have the same basic anatomy as humans, else I'm sure Arthur may have noticed something, as it is common knowledge (in fangirls minds) what they have been getting up to on those cold, lonely night in Islington. The name Ford Prefect, having been decided on by the Betelgusian as being nicely inconspicuous, was adopted as his Earth name, and thus the Ford Prefect Arthur knows and loves was created.
Monkey Sex. The Hitchhikers Guide describes this as a phrase often used by the fangirls to describe what they hope their monkey and alien are getting up to. Which of course they are.
The first and most basic reason for the Arthur/ Ford pairing is that the fangirls are all well and truly insane. In no fandom may a pairing be heterosexual, no one is allowed to be straight. Unless it is cannon of course, in which case the fangirls will defend it to the death, stabbing the unbelievers with sporks, Millennium items, Vogons, and various other bits of fandom they find lying around. However, there is much proof to show that Arthur/ Ford is most defiantly cannon. They really are!
After a while the writing style of this essay will calm down a bit and start telling you things you actually need to know. Like what proof there is that these two are a couple. And so here it is.
Point one: Ford saved Arthur during the demolition of the planet Earth. He could have saved anyone at all, or any animal at all if he was so inclined. But instead, out of all the millions of people on Earth, he chose Arthur. Why? Certainly not for his conversation skills. To preserve the quaint little Earthen culture that is Englishness? Probably not. For the sex? Hell yeah!
Point two: If you are floating around in space for years, you need to find someway (or someone) to occupy your time. The Earthen phrase "In space, no one can hear you scream" has been proven true, meaning that in space, they cant hear you do a lot of other things either. Hint hint. This also explains why Ford and Trillian exchange fewer than 5 sentences. He's sulking because she is attempting to steal his Arthur away from him.
There are many other reasons for the slash pairing, the way Film!Ford is always trying to hug Arthur, the way Arthur sits in his cave and thinks about Ford, but this writer has neither the time nor the attention span to type them all out (The guide states that at this point, a non-humorous pun should be inserted to demonstrate the authors lack of an attention span. However, this writer will not stoop to that level of immature…oh a birdy!)
Love it or hate it, Arthur/ Ford is the most written pairing in the Hitchhiker's fandom and it is here to stay. They say friendship can evolve into something deeper and this is just what they were talking about. The way that, no matter how much they go through, they still end up together. That is something deeper than friendship, that is a cannon pairing. And this fangirl for one will gladly take up her towel to defend it. So raise your Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters to the pairing that keeps on going, throughout life, the Universe and everything!
Brought to you by your field researcher for the Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, The Fire-Breathing-Ferret. Thanks for reading!