By the Black Goddess
Disclaimer: None of it's mine, I make no money, don't sue. I think that covers everything!
I thought about posting this for quite a while, but I've decided that it does add something to the original so thought I'd go ahead. This letter is written just before the final showdown at Harry's apartment and Harry never sees it. This letter is completely separate from the rest of the fic; I just wanted to post it to add more depth to Draco's persona and because this is something that interests me. With that in mind, read on!
What else did you expect from me? You knew who I was right from the beginning, you must have known what would happen, how things would be. I'm sorry I did what I did, but did I really have a choice? You don't know what things are like for me, you never had to make the choices I had to make, knowing as I did what hung in the balance.
I remember when my brother was alive, all those years ago, playing by the lake. I watched him die. My big brother, the only person who seemed to care about me, drowned in front of my eyes and I was too weak and small and stupid to save him. I swore I'd never be weak again that night, my whole body sore with crying for my brother. From now on I'd be in control. That day the weight of my father's ambitions came to rest on my shoulders, a weight made heavier by the fact that I was the weakling who'd let his true heir drown. This could have worked, but being my father's only son I am obliged to uphold the family name and be a good son. I want my father to be proud of me I suppose. I fear him, sometimes hate him with every fibre of my being for the things he makes me do, but I want him to love me. Why is that so wrong?
You came very close to seeing what was inside, who I truly am, but with the skill of all humans everywhere you ignored it, or pretended I'd changed. I can't believe you thought I had really changed. Maybe that naivety is what I love about you.
Yes, I said love. Because I do love you Harry Potter. Despite what I've done, despite the fact that our relationship is founded on lies and you don't know it, I love you. It hasn't all been an act. I will miss you as you would miss me. But you won't survive this time - as soon as we can come for you we will, and four against two doesn't work I'm afraid.
You know I've been learning the Dark Arts. You knew I would probably be initiated into the ranks of the Death Eaters as soon as I left school. What were you hoping for? Happy ever after? That was never possible, and you must have known it. Did you think that we could have been together forever, soul-mates or any of that romantic crap? A Death Eater and the Boy Who Lived? If we won, you'd die, and if you won, I'd either die or be imprisoned for years. How does our relationship work then? But we're going to win and you're going to die. The thought brings me no pleasure, but it's how it has to be.
I'm sorry Harry. I don't know why I'm writing this - a letter you will never read, but I suppose I want to explain. We leave in ten minutes, on our way to power and glory. Your death is just an aside - you can't help being who you are, as I can't. Draco Malfoy, son and heir of Lucius Malfoy. I will be strong. I will make my father proud of me. Then he will look at me, just once, without that 'I wish you were your brother.' sneer in his eyes, that constant reminder that I was the small one, the weak one, the runt. My father will be proud that I succeeded so well in my task of luring you to the Dark Lord and I watched you die without remorse. You are dying for me my love, your death will give me strength and my father will love me.
I will cry for you when no-one's watching,
Love from Draco