Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda. I wish I did. Than I could be a Nietzchean!
A/N: This was the fan-fic I wrote before "Rain Down" that inspired it. I just realized I had a completed version of it, and decided to post it. With the exception of a couple words and this beginning of an author's note, it's completely how it was originally written, before I had begun the writing phase where I believe my work started improving. Please bear with me!
These are my thoughts on what would have happened on the Andromeda shortly after the third episode. It's written like an ending of the show would be in the sense that it seems a little open and still closed... does that make sense?
Pacing back and forth didn't help anything, Trance firmly decided. Another version of herself had told her that it would be all right if she followed her instinct. Another version of herself had said that memory would come with time.
But it wasn't coming fast enough. Beka and Rhade had been kind enough to her. Harper had paid them visits, relocating with his new assistant, and had been sympathetic. But that didn't help; she needed them to act normally.
"Geez, ya' know... Rev once told me of people who when they sinned they lived in silence until the priest said they were repented, but, I never knew you had a religion, Trance." A sly feminine voice came from the doorway.
Now that, the more natural Trance thought to herself, for some reason sounds like something Beka would say to er... me. In response the First Officer received was a shy smile. Trance had handed out a lot of those lately.
"Yeaaa. Well uuh." The blond cleared her throat and stepped into the carpeted room. "I brought you something, a little gift."
"Present?" Trance spoke a bit surprised. Why ever would Beka do that?
The Maru's Captain didn't answer directly. Instead she handed the Avatar a small plain wrapped rectangle. Trance didn't question further before she unwrapped the small parcel. Inside was... chocolate?
" I... uh... You used to be fond of it when you were purple. Not the fondest memory on my part, but, I know you kept a taste for it in... er...gold mode as well." Rebecca fumbled with her words. " I don't know. I had it left from my little randevu, and I thought maybe you'd like it more than me."
"Thank you, Beka." A genuine grin left the star's face, sincerity in her voice. "That was really nice of you. I'm just sorry I can't remember that fondness or, why that was a bad time for you. Or, anything... I know it's trying, me being so clueless that is."
Shifting in her place was something Beka had mastered after the years. Right now, it was a very good thing that she didn't run out of the room. It was apparently enough that something else was on her mind. Trance blinked slowly, waiting for it.
"Awww hell. Who am I kidding?" Beka flopped down into a nearby chair and looked up. "Don't be sorry. I'm the one who would have used you to jet us out of here! I completely trusted Jonha. I never even THOUGHT that could have been you. Trance, I'm so...so sorry. This is my fault! You'd have your memory now if it weren't for me! If I had only waited a little longer, found another source, not have lounged around... You wouldn't have had to use yourself."
A voice from behind them both made Beka stop her confession of sorts. The two women turned to the doorway to see a rather smug looking Captain standing in the archway. The blonde's face fell almost cartoonishly. All over it could be read: Shit, I'm not going to live this down. Receiving this message, Dylan Hunt waved his hand at her.
"Don't worry." Dylan smiled knowingly at his friend and co-commander. "I won't tell. My lips are zipped. And before Trance pops in, don't do that to yourself, Beka. It's not your fault. You did the best you could. Besides, how could you have known it was Trance that was in that confinement?"
Beka blew the hair out of her face half-heartedly. Somehow she knew he was going to say that. And if he didn't, her semi-psychic friend would have. It was simply in their nature. The captain and sun were alike in that sense. They didn't judge exactly by what a person did or didn't do, their capabilities, or even what kind of person they could be. They judged by who you were and what you would do if given the chances. She was amazed that they still trusted her at all.
"He's right, Beka. You couldn't have known who I really was. Besides, I wouldn't have let you use me- not without a fight. If I really needed to, I would have shown myself to you to make it stop." Trance tried to reinsure her friend.
"Yea, yea,yea." Valentine nodded, motioning to the chocolate bar she had given to the sparkly star. "I hope you like the chocolate. And now I'm going to go get out of here before Dylan throws me out saying I'm harassing you." She winked at Trance as Dylan rolled his eyes behind them.
As Beka left, Trance leaned up against the wall she was near. Her room was bare now. If it were up to her, it would be like a jungle. Little water meant sacrifices, though. It seemed like there was nowhere to escape this horrible drought around this manufactured solar system. The empty botanical gardens on board ship were living proof of that, even though the necessary plants were kept alive.
"You know." Captain Hunt made her attention snap back to reality. She had almost forgotten he had come in. "If there IS any guilt, it should lay on my shoulders. I'm the one who asked you to sacrifice part of yourself." Trance noticed that he couldn't meet her eyes.
"No." The star reached spoke back. "I wouldn't have done it if there was another way. I wasn't going to let all of you die. That much I know even the other me would agree with."
Dylan seemed like he would have laughed right then if the mood had been lighter. He strode over to stand beside her, using the railing that lined the walls as an armrest. Once there he seemed to study her for a long moment. Noting his glances, she became very conscious of herself, and shifted her weight onto another foot. This seemed to amuse him even further.
"That's part of the old Trance. Purple or gold, she never wanted anyone to feel bad in any way. One time when she was learning to navigate slipstream, she knocked us back in time, and she was--"
"Apologizing for a week." The Trance of today finished replacing the look on her Captain's face with confused one. "There are some things I can recall. I don't really remember them, but I can get bits and pieces of what I used to feel or a snippet of something that happened. That was one of them." She let herself sink to the floor to sit.
"So, if that's one memory, what's another?" Dylan fell with her as he asked.
"I don't know." Her nose crinkled up. "It's annoying. I can remember how to DO things. I know how I would react to things, and I kind of know what I'm supposed to do. But, I can't remember what I have already done... It's all a blur. It's like I've been spinning around in circles for far, far, too long. Ever time I try to think," She rubbed her forehead, "It just jumbles more."
The Paradine reached out his hand to rest on the base of her neck. Edging closer, he continued to massage several key pressure points directly around where his hand had landed. A sigh of approval left the woman. He couldn't help it. She looked, and felt, like one oversized knot lately. If he could help at all, he wanted to.
The others had been overly kind to her. And, like Beka, has showered her with things that had some significance to something that had happened. The holographic Rommie would appear and remind her of past medical emergencies her solid form, Rommie, had helped with randomly. Harper had mentioned how Trance had come sobbing to him after she had lost her tail in an unfortunate accident. Even Rhade had pitched in and helped her familiarize herself again with Andromeda's systems and controls. But until now, Dylan hadn't avoided her, but he also hadn't been putting his neck out.
"Thank you, Dylan. But you didn't have to do that." She said softly, almost reading his mind.
"Yes, I do Trance. Not because it's my duty, because your my friend. You need help, and I should be here." A soft chuckle left the golden-blond causing a new level of confusion to arise in the room.
Trance rolled her head towards him, it being kink-free now. Her eyes had remained a deep brown as they always were. That was one thing that would never change color in her species. That was something she could never lose. With her left hand, she slipped the Highgaurd's hand from her neck and into her hand.
"No, Dylan. What I meant is that you don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand. I always have." She paused. "When I came out of my real state, I recognized you as a friend...As someone I could trust in. I know that you didn't intend to ignore me."
"Heh... You could always see through people. That's a nifty trick. Teach me?" He joked around, or attempted to. When it failed, he cleared his throat.
"You know, for some reason I still think that you're her." He laughed openly. "That's ridiculous, you are her, she is you but your not... the same. Your two different parts of her, I know. We went through a transition once... But..."
"You ...miss her?" Those doe eyes blinked in question.
"Yes..." Dylan swallowed hard. " I miss her a lot."
The two sat in silence for a long time. With such an empty ship, there was so little noise these days. Quiet was a common thing. Rarely, though, did the space buzz as it did now.
"You know, Dylan? I think... I think I do remember something specific... A good-bye." Trance finally broke the tension with words.
Without warning, as Captain Hunt turned towards her to reply, the alien had placed a chilly hand on his jaw and drew herself towards him. Their lips met in a moment that seemed drawn out into a lengthy space though it could not have lasted more than a moment. Trance broke away quickly, fearful that the memory had been completely wrong. Were that so, she would again be degraded to that young purple avatar that hid away for a day. The scolding never came.
Instead, she found the hand she had grasped tighten around her own. She locked her eyes down at the two hands. Dylan seemed to be staring at the entwined fingers as well as his thumb ran along the others. His free hand lifted her face to look at him. A smile of pain, regret, and relief seemed to greet her.
"You were right... Right before I left, before I ended up here. That's what I did. And you know? When I was alone here, before I found Beka and the Andromeda with you, I ran over and over in my head how foolish that was. You looked so taken aback after that. But now, I guess I can apologize." His voice had become mummers.
"There are some things that are constants no matter what reality you're in." She finally mustered up words from her dried mouth. "You, Dylan, are one of mine."
Outside the cozy little room, Beka Valentine smiled. She had intended to go back to see Trance after giving her time to talk to Dylan. But when she had returned, what she saw was five times better than any pep talk she could have given. What she saw was a content looking Trance curled up against their Captain who looked as equally as happy. Watching them for a minute made her smile.
There was nothing false about what was in front of her. In a way it was a beacon of this hope that Dylan was constantly preaching. There was no corny title or romantic poem for what she witnessed. It was simply truth. And if whatever closeness the two before her shared could survive time, space, universes, and realities, who knew? Maybe, just maybe, there was still a reason to continue.