Previously on the Maito Gai Fanfiction Series...
Naruto was in the Konoha Convenience Store when he spots something out of the ordinary. Instant Ramen in the Pasta section. He quickly takes the ramen to the casher.
"Excuse me, but do you know that Instant Ramen is not pasta?"
The casher, Hinata, was surprised. "Oh, I didn't know that. But I can't really do anything about it."
"Yes you can," said Naruto. "After all, Pasta is Italian and Instant Ramen is Japanese"
Naruto and Hinata were at Ichiraku's.
"Naruto-kun. Why do you want to tell the world that Instant Ramen is Japanese?" asked Hinata.
"Well, Hinata-chan. I never told anyone about this but it all started at this very ramen stop, 10 years ago..."
10 years ago
A Chibi Naruto was with his father having Ramen at Ichiraku's, 10 years earlier.
"The ramen is excellent, Teuchi," said Naruto's father.
A man in a black outfit with red clouds walks to the ramen shop.
"Yondaime-sama. You have to make a decision. You must sell the rights to Instant Ramen to the Italians or they will start to charge us protection money or maybe stop sending their businesses here."
"I will not allow a Japanese delicacy to leave this country," said the Yondaime.
"Then, you leave me no choice." Itachi takes out a kunai and stabs the Yondaime many times.
To Be Continued...
Final Episode Summary: Sasuke wants to learn how to draw as well as Sai, so he tries to draw a fox on paper. Unfortunately, Sasuke wasn't looking at what he was doing and he ends up drawing on the walls. Sasuke tries to get rid of the ink on the wall, but made it much worst. Sakura suggested that they should get someone to fix up the wall. Sakura looks through her endless pile of cards to find Kankuro's Character card. They are soon in shock as they find out that Kankuro likes to make his jobs long (at least a week) because he loves the walls. There is another problem as Kankuro likes to start at 5:30 am. Sasuke and Sakura tried to figure out how to get rid of Kankuro but can't as Sasuke looks like a jerk. Then, Kankuro charges 25, 000, 000 ryou on a frying pan. It's a special golden magical frying pan that can make pancakes in less than a micro-second. Choji laughs at that and transforms in to a butterfly and flies away. Sasuke and Sakura were impressed and Kankuro runs away on a puppet horse.
Gai's voice-over: "In an age if ninjas, scientists were amazed by a Kunoichi named Ino Yamanaka who possesses the ability to move coins and other small objects around a table."
In a room, Ino was pushing some coins on a table with her hand as Professor Lee and Kiba watched. Then, she moves a bowl of ramen in between a Sake cup and a pair of chopsticks.
Gai's Voice-over: "After a large array of tests, it has revealed that it was no hoax. The powers of this woman were real."
Ino picks up a chair and moves it to another part of the room.
Gai's Voice-over: "Not only Ino can move objects smaller than her, she cal also move objects of larger or equal size to her."
Ino pushes Lee's desk.
Gai's Voice-over: "Ino can also bend spoons."
Ino takes a metal spoon and bends it using the side of a table.
Gai's Voice-over: "After a week of intensive studying for the origins of Ino's mysterious powers, they one day disappeared just as mysteriously and suddenly vanish."
Ino was sitting at the table with Lee and Kiba watching. Then, Ino stands up and leaves the room.
Gai's Voice-over: "Ino was able to surprise the doctors studying her on one last experiment. After a discussion with her about the chance to return to her flowershop, Ino vanishes, to the amazement of the doctors."
Kiba and Lee looked up; wanting to have a word with Ino, but Ino was not there. The two scientists were surprised.
Gai's Voice-over: "Only to return seconds later to perform one final act of kinetic levitation before disappearing forever."
Ino walks back into the room and picks up her hair clip before leaving the room. Kiba and Lee looked at each other.
Gai's Voice-over: "The mystery known as Ino Yamanaka will forever be...oh fug nuggets. I forgot my lines."
At the plane wreckage on a deserted island, a pregnant Tenten was screaming in labor as the other survivors were covering their ears. At that moment, Pilot Sasuke appeared, dressed in his ragged uniform.
"It's the pilot!" Neji cried out. "Maybe he knows how the plane crashed."
"It was horrible!" wailed pilot Sasuke.
"Oh no, he's going to have a flashback," exclaimed Tenten.
Pilot Sasuke's Flashback
Sasuke was flying the plane with Co-pilot Shikamaru doing nothing when Choji entered the cockpit with a jelly doughnut.
"Are we there yet?" asked Choji, as he takes a bite out of his jelly doughnut, squirting out some of the jelly onto Sasuke's face, blinding him and losing control of the plane.
"Ahhh! I'm blind!"
The plane spiral downwards towards the deserted island.
Continuation of Naruto's life story
The Yondaime was stabbed multiple times by Itachi.
"Dad!" Naruto screamed.
Itachi walked over the Yondaime's dead body and takes out a piece of paper, which happens to be the rights to Instant Ramen.
"The rights of Instant Ramen will now belong to the Italians," said Itachi before leaving Naruto with his dead father.
10 Years Later
Back at Ichiraku's Naruto finished his story and Hinata was crying.
"That was so sad. You lost your father over instant ramen in this store?"
Naruto nods. "Yes. As a reminder of that incident, I knitted myself a shirt made of Ramen." Naruto opens his orange jacket to reveal a shirt made out of Ramen that happens to last for a long time (its an Anime after all). "Anyway, all this talk about Ramen is making me hungry."
"Good idea, Naruto-kun."
As Naruto was about to call out Teuchi to order his Ramen, he spots something that was never in the shop in the first place. A box with a small flag of Italy.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Naruto. "How dare they dishonor my father? Especially in the very ramen shop that he was killed in."
Naruto stood up and Hinata tried to stop him. "I'm sorry, Hinata-chan, but I will not rest until I have regained my father's honor."
"I love you, Naruto-kun."
"I love you too, Hinata-chan."
Naruto walked into the kitchen, where Choji was opening boxes of Italian Instant Ramen.
"Hey, you can't come in here!" said Choji.
"Oh yeah? Well, since this place has Italian Instant Ramen, I might as well give my opinion. Ramen is not Italian, it's Japanese!"
Choji looks around for anyone else, and then he whispered to Naruto. "I know, but I'm only doing as I am told."
"That's not good enough!" screamed Naruto. "My father died in this store trying to protect a national treasure and it got stolen off him!"
"I see," said Choji. "But what are you going to do about it?"
Naruto takes out a sticker of a Japanese flag and sticks it on a box, covering the word 'Italian'.
"That is what I'm going to do about it."
To be continued...
Sakura and Tenten were having some juice while sitting on a park bench. Suddenly, Shikamaru ran past the two kunoichis.
"That's the first time I've seen Shikamaru running that quickly," said Sakura.
Tenten watched Shikamaru. "I wonder what got him on his feet."
Suddenly, Ino runs by wearing a hockey mask and a chainsaw, chasing after Shikamaru.
"That explains it," commented Sakura.
Things that the dumbest Ninja shouldn't do. Number 105: Insulting the Fifth Hokage
Neji was standing in front of Tsunade's desk.
"Is there anything you need to say to me, Neji?" asked Tsunade.
Neji nods. "Yes. I think you are a big fat stupid old bitch."
Neji was thrown out through the Hokage's high-rise office window.
Shikamaru makes a mad dash past Akazukin Hinata, on her way to visit her Naruto-kun. As HellMasker Ino runs past Hinata, Ino gives a high five to Hinata with the hand that is not carrying the chainsaw and continues chasing after Shikamaru.
It turns out that under the red hooded cloak Hinata was wearing, she has a t-shirt reading, 'Hi-5 a Pokémon Trainer Day' and Ino was wearing a t-shirt with a Pikachu on it.
(Akazukin means Red Hood in Japanese and Hinata was wearing a red hooded cloak, like Red Riding Hood, as a reference to an anime called 'Akazukin Chacha'. The name was just an effect, just like HellMasker Ino, a reference to Vincent Valentine's limit break from 'Final Fantasy 7'.)
Naruto enters Tenten's office. "You looking for me, Boss?
"Yes, Naruto. Sit down."
Naruto sits in front of Tenten's desk. "I have been looking at your accounts and I was wondering...how did 300 million Ryou end up in the back seat of your car?"
Lee's Voice: "Naruto stands up and pulls his pants down!"
Naruto looks at Tenten. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Lee's Voice: "Tenten takes a pie and throws it at Naruto!"
Tenten takes out Naruto's resume. "Well, if you had taken the liberty to look at your resume, which you haven't, I've learnt that there is not such thing as the University of Otogakure."
"Are you sure?" asked Naruto.
Tenten puts her hands together. "I'm sure as a..."
Ino's Voice: "Somebody guesses the correct answer!"
Tenten looks up at the audience. "Correct!"
Suddenly, the Final Fantasy Fanfare was played and Ino runs down from the audience to Tenten, who is now playing out of character.
"Congratulations. What is your name?" asked Tenten.
"Ino," answered Ino.
"No, I mean the role you're playing."
"Oh, it's Sakura," answered Ino.
"Well, Sakura, have you ever wanted to go to Paris?" asked Tenten.
Ino was surprised. "Really?"
"Nope. I just wanted to know," said Tenten. "What now?"
Lee's Voice: "Naruto goes to the next scene!"
Tenten shrugs. "Well, why not? Naruto, put your head into a round window."
Guess the Punchline
Naruto stands up and puts his face through a round window...
...only to find himself in a submarine, with Captain Kakashi writing in a logbook.
'Captain's Log. It's been three long weeks at sea and...'
Naruto bursts into Kakashi's room. "Captain Kakashi, permission to be frank."
"I have no time for your impersonations," said Kakashi. "Get back to the bridge, Lt. Commander Naruto."
Lieutenant Commander Naruto enters the bridge.
"The captain won't even talk to us," said Naruto. "He's just locked up in his room."
Sakura stood up in frustration. "That's it!" Lieutenant Junior Grade Sakura cried out. "We've been down here for too long! We have to get out of here."
"Sakura is right. Even my Ketchup is suffering." Ensign Sasuke picks up a ketchup bottle with the signs of stress on it.
Naruto looks at Sakura. "What are you suggesting, Lt. Junior Grade?" asked Naruto.
Sakura picks up a rule book and reads it. "Well, according to this, we can mutiny if the captain has gone bonkers."
Naruto quickly objected. "But that's mutiny!"
"Exactly. Who's with me?"
"Not my problem," said Naruto. "The captain may be many things, Sakura, but he's not you."
Sakura thought for a while, then said, "Naruto's right. Who's with me?"
The crew burst into the captain's cabin where Captain Kakashi was writing onto his log. The crew quickly seized Kakashi.
"Captain Kakashi, We are assuming command of this vessel because you have gone bonkers," Sakura said.
Kakashi looked around at the crew. "What's the meaning of this? You are a disgrace to the naval forces. I'm twice your age and when I was your age, you were four times younger than most of you are now. I will write to Admiral Tsunade and mention this rebellion."
"In that case, put him in isolation without pen and paper," ordered Sakura.
"You can't do this!" yelled Kakashi. He looks at Sasuke. "Sasuke, I fought with you in that bar back in Konoha." Kakashi looks at the rest of the crew. "I'd bet you don't remember Orochimaru."
"Well, we've heard of her, obviously," said Petty Officer Tenten.
As the crew were about to escort Kakashi, the alarm and sirens began to ring.
"Is that what I think it is, Captain?" Ensign Neji asked.
Kakashi listened to the alarms. "Everyone, battle stations!" Kakashi ordered to the crew and they make their way to their posts.
Kakashi entered the bridge, where Petty Officer Tenten, Lt. JG Sakura and Lt. Commander Naruto were working. "Talk to me, someone!"
"Oh, hi," said Tenten.
Sakura was at the helm. "Sir, we've ended up too close to Okinawa and we are under attack. Almost a hundred of our crew are injured. Five are being aided by medics. The rest are just minor characters."
Kakashi takes a radio.
"This is Captain Hatake Kakashi. Any torpedo damage down there?"
Ensigns Sasuke and Neji were in the in a room filling up with water, with a spurt of water hitting Neji straight in the face.
"The torpedoes are fine, sir," Neji replied on the radio. "But water is filling up the room."
"We are going down," said Sakura.
"Not unless I go down first. Prepare to dive!" Kakashi ordered.
Sakura was pressing some buttons when the alarm rang again. Naruto checks the monitor, and then calls out to Kakashi. "Captain, we got a Code Tuna Sandwich."
Kakashi sat on his seat. "In that case... Mr. Neji, load torpedoes into any available chambers. Mr. Sasuke, do a damage report. And while you're at it, could you try to invent a fluid made of oxygen that we can use? Lieutenant Commander Naruto and Lieutenant Junior Grade Sakura, you two are promoted to Commander and Lieutenant respectively because your names are too long to use in a situation like this."
Naruto and Sakura saluted Kakashi. "Thank you sir."
Kakashi leaves the bridge and Naruto followed. "Wait for me, Captain."
Naruto caught up with Kakashi and both walked down the corridor with random sailors rushing past the two.
"Bathroom's on the way," Naruto explained.
"Don't fart it up," said Kakashi.
The two split up as Naruto went into the bathroom and Kakashi walked towards the engine room.
Sparks were flying and flames were burning the ceiling. Sasuke was trying warm his hands by the fire and its not really helping with the situation. Kakashi enters the room and Sasuke salutes his superior.
"Damage report, Ensign Sasuke."
" Sparks flying and things burning," reported Sasuke.
"Then we need to put out this fire ASAP," ordered Kakashi.
As Kakashi left the engine room, Sasuke picks up Tayuya's flute (from a box reading 'Naruto Props') and starts playing a flute solo at the fire, which is not really doing anything to the fire.
Kakashi returned to the bridge when he got a message from Neji, who still has water squirting at his face.
"Torpedoes are now on standby, sir."
Sakura received a message. "Captain, we've just got this message from HQ. The War is over..."
"It's over when I say it is, Lieutenant. Fire!"
A torpedo was fired at a Magikarp Submarine (stock footage taken from Pokémon) and its occupants sent blasting off again.
The crew brought in a birthday cake for Captain Kakashi in Kakashi's room and everyone was gathered for a celebration, with Sasuke and Neji sitting on chairs, Naruto and Kakashi sitting on Kakashi's bed and Sakura on the top bunk of the bed. Kakashi blew out the candles.
"Why thank you," Kakashi said. "But it's not my birthday."
"Let's just say that it is an apology for our mutiny," Naruto said.
"Thank you," Kakashi said. "But the real thanks should come from Ensign Sasuke..."
Sasuke nodded and said, "Yes. I've learnt that not everything can be solved with just elements and Ninjutsu. I've also learned that I must never set the torpedo room on fire. It won't do any good."
The crew cheered.
Petty Officer Tenten runs into the room. "Captain, Admiral Tsunade is here to thank you in person."
Admiral Tsunade entered Kakashi's room with aides Shino and Kiba.
"Thanks," said Tsunade, before she leaves the room with Shino and Kiba.
"Alright, Sakura, Naruto, return to the bridge. Neji and Sasuke, to the engine room and full speed ahead..."
"You mean?" asked Naruto.
"Of course not, you idiot," said Kakashi.
The crew saluted Kakashi and they left. Then, Kakashi takes a candle and starts to use it as a pen to write into his logbook.
'Captain's log. The sea is a harsh mistress...and so is Asuma's wife, Kurenai.'
Ino was in a busy TokyoTV Complaints Department. "Tokyo TV, hold the line, please." Ino switches to another line dealing with one complaint after another as Ino deals with a huge load of Kurenai/Asuma fans' complaints about Kakashi's comment. "Tokyo TV, hold the line, please. Tokyo TV, hold the line, please."
The Uchiha Family
At a secret location, Choji was beaten up by Itachi and Sasuke, both in black outfits.
"I don't know anything!" yelled Choji.
"Liar," said Sasuke. "Someone is trying to tell the world that we have sold the rights to Instant Ramen to the Italians."
"Tell us, or you're going to get the 'Moon'," said Itachi.
"Alright, it was some blonde kid who loves his Ramen," answered Choji.
Sasuke looked at Itachi. "Brother, this Blonde kid will ruin everything we have done."
Itachi nods. "I know. I never thought that the Yondaime's son would try to stop us. We're going to kill him."
To be continued
At Ichiraku's, Submarine Commander Naruto has got himself 5 bowls of Ramen.
Meanwhile, at the nearby pharmacy, Ino was looking at girl's personal stuff when Temari walks up to her.
"Ino! I can see that you are growing up!"
Ino gives a strange look at Temari as if she has hit her head or something. "Excuse me?"
"I bet you're here to find out why you're peeing blood!"
Ino was shocked. 'Holy Crap! Did she have to say that in the open!'
"Come on, Ino. I'll show you the latest tampon products..."
'I got to get out of here, fast!' Ino quickly looks around the store for some way to change the subject. Unfortunately, being in the section full of different women's personal products isn't helping her situation. Ino realized that she has no choice. As Temari was still talking away, Ino finds a black box with a red button and she presses it.
Kakashi happens to be searching for the latest issue of the Icha Icha series when he receives Ino's distress signal.
Temari was still going on about the miracles of puberty. "And not to mention that it's a sign that you are growing up."
Temari suddenly feels as if someone was behind her. The turns around to see Kakashi.
"I can kiss my own elbows. Watch." As Kakashi tries to kiss his elbows, somehow, Temari finds the situation awkward.
"Maybe I should go somewhere else, Ino." Temari walks off.
'Finally.' As Kakashi continues trying to kiss his elbows, Ino finally finds the things she needs. "Toothpaste for me and condoms for Shika-kun."
As Ino leaves, Kakashi was still trying to kiss his elbows. "I know I can do this."
Things that the dumbest Ninja shouldn't do. Number 91: Imitating that stupid Crazy Frog Ring Tone
Naruto was naked while pretending to ride a motorbike, while making motorbike noises from his mouth.
The Life of Maito Gai's Spandex Emporium Voiceover!
Gai was in a Fanfiction website's main office speaking with Hinata behind the counter..
"I love FANFICS! I'm interested in FANFICS that involve YOUTH! ETERMINATION! COURAGE! And BRUCE LEE! I am also interested in MARTIAL ARTS! And GREEN SPANDEXES! And look at all those RATINGS! K! K PLUS! M! T! MA!"
"Err, sir, we do not have MA fanfics," said Hinata.
"REALLY?" Gai looks around. "How about SCRIPT fanfics?"
Hinata shakes her head.
"Well...I'd better get going."
An embarrassed Gai walked out of the office, down a flight of stairs into a storeroom, where Neji, Tenten and Lee were hiding, trying to forget their embarrassing moments (due to events in Episode 3 and 4).
Neji was with Naruto, who was at the driver's seat of a van. Neji looks at Naruto's driver's licence. "I notice your driver's license requires you to wear glasses, but I can see that you're not wearing any glasses."
"I've got contacts," said Naruto.
"I don't care who you know. You're caught. Move the van," said Neji.
Then, at a desk, Sakura and Sasuke were looking and laughing with the audience as Sasuke was shuffling his papers in front of him as Sasuke and Sakura look at each other.
Another Gameshow Segment
A new gameshow segment is here. Itachi and Kisame walked out of the studio as a protest against the new gameshow segment.
Tenten was with Lee at the Gameshow segment in front of a numbered wheel with Gai's face on it.
"Welcome back," said Tenten. She looks at the contestant. "Lee. I'm sure you had some time to think about it. If you leave us now, it is with a fabulous 5th edition Naruto Volume 1 Manga that you do not appear in and 50 Ryou. Remember, Lee. You're our lowest scoring winner. You're only out here because the real winner, Asuma, was struck by lightning..."
Asuma was at the Konoha Studio car park having a smoke when lightning struck him.
"...while having a smoke in the car park and the runner up, Kurenai, had rabies..."
Meanwhile, at Konoha Hospital
Kurenai was being dragged off by the doctors as her mouth was filling up with foam.
"...after one of her students' accidentally bit her when she ate the dog's meat bun," explained Tenten. "Now, you are very lucky to be here, Lee. You have answered no questions correctly tonight, you attempted only one and your answer, 'Gai is the greatest,' does not count. You told me earlier that you were frozen with fear for most of the rounds and you nearly soiled yourself in another. If you keep on playing, you will surely be eliminated by tomorrow's contestants. We do not want you here, Lee. Our producers have picked questions on Genjutsu and Ninjutsu and the Taijutsu questions have been rigged for you to get wrong. You have no chance of winning, Lee. What is your answer?"
Lee gave it a bit of thought. "Alright, I will come back."
Tenten scratches the back of her head. Lee sure is dense. "Anyway, now, if you spin the Wheel of Gai, you will see a prize that you could technically win. Could it be the holiday? The new house? It could be any number of items on the Wheel of Gai. So come on up."
"Hopefully, it could be a year's supply of hair spray," said Lee.
An awkward silence. Tenten looks at the wheel. "Alright, spin the wheel, Lee."
Lee gives the wheel a weak spin, only for Tenten to stop it.
"I asked for a big spin, Lee," said Tenten. "What sort of spin was that?"
"It was a little spin."
"It seems very puny for a spin," said Tenten.
Lee shrugs. "Yeah, it seems kinda puny for a spin."
"So, give it a super spin, if you can, Lee."
Lee uses all his strength to spin the wheel. The wheel continuously spins faster and faster, until its screws came loose and flies straight into a wall.
"Well, there goes our budget for next season," said Tenten.
At the plane wreck, pregnant Tenten was screaming while Neji was pacing around.
"Oh no!" screamed Tenten. "I think I'm going to get my flashback!"
Neji ran to Tenten. "No, Tenten! You've already had one I haven't got to my Flashback yet!"
Tenten looked at Neji. "Well, my flashback has way better story than yours, Neji."
Naruto walked to the Plane Wreckage. "Oh, the wait is intense. Every episode, at least one character has to disappear." Naruto looks around. "Choji! I need your help to search for the other survivors."
Behind the plane wreck, Choji was eating off the arm of a corpse. "Give me a few seconds, Naruto!" Choji took a couple of bites from the arm, before tossing the arm into a pile of partially eaten survivors in order to follow Naruto. Now we know how the fat guy keeps himself fat.
Naruto and Hinata were walking down the streets of Konoha. Unknown to the couple, the brothers Uchiha were scoping for their target.
"I've found him," said Itachi. "He looks so much like his father. It's too bad that he didn't join my side." Itachi looks at his brother. "Little brother, hand me my kunai."
Sasuke shakes his head as he held the kunai. "No, I want to throw the kunai."
"No, you're inexperience, so I have a better chance of killing Naruto." Itachi forcefully tries to pull the kunai off Sasuke. "Let...it go!"
The brotherly struggle has caused the kunai to fly out of both brothers hands. The weapon rebounded off a lamppost, off a fence, bounced off a wall, knocks over a domino, leading to a domino effect, knocking over Shikamaru's dominos as he tries to go for an Asian Record attempt at largest number of Dominos to be knocked over ("Oh no!" screamed Shikamaru.) The kunai hits a pendulum and flies into Tsunade's office. The kunai hits and bounces off the walls in the office as Tsunade works on her paper work, completely ignoring the flying weapon and Tsunade dodged the weapon easily (she the Hokage, after all). The kunai zips past Sasuke, placing a long cut on Sasuke's shorts, revealing Sasuke's pink underwear to the world (because Itachi placed his reds with Sasuke's whites in the wash). Finally, the kunai hits Naruto straight at the heart.
Naruto fell backwards and Hinata quickly catch him.
"Are you hurt, Naruto-Kun?" asked Hinata, as she holds Naruto's head up.
"Tell the...world...that...Instant Ramen...is...not...Pasta..."
To be continued
Neji was with Naruto, who was at the driver's seat of a van. Neji looks at Naruto's driver's licence. "I notice you are in a fanfic skit that has no punchline."
"That is correct," said Naruto.
"Well then, carry on," said Neji.
Naruto drives off.
Gai and Order
Starring, Written, Produced and Directed by Maito Gai.
In a courtroom, Judge Sakura was watching District Attorney Gai was doing a handstand at his table, next to his assistant, ADA Tenten. "And I rest my case, my honor."
Judge Kakashi was giving a look at Gai.
"In my chambers, DA Gai," Kakashi ordered as he hits the gavel.
Kakashi tosses his mallet on his desk. "Gai, you're turning my courtroom into a circus!"
"But Kakashi!" protested Gai. "I was just trying to look out for the personnel interests of my clients! You were a lawyer once, or were you?" Gai accusingly points at Kakashi.
At that instant, Tenten opens a door, hitting Gai from behind. "You guys better come out quick! Pandemonium's on the loose and it's not looking pretty out there."
Gai runs out of Judge Kakashi's office into a crowded corridor, only to find District Attorney Neji near a doorway, with a fatal stab wound.
"Oh no! Neji!" Gai runs to Neji.
"It's Naruto...he has gotten loose and he has stabbed me."
Gai checks Neji's knife wound. "It's blood...your blood."
Neji grabs Gai's collar. "We may have been on different sides of the law, DA Gai, but I will always treat you like a brother. A brother-in-law." Neji succumbs to his wound.
Then Officer Lee appeared in the empty corridor, holding a blonde man in an orange jumpsuit.
"I've just caught Naruto trying to climb down a drainpipe."
At that instant, Naruto steals Lee's baton. "Everyone don't move!"
Gai slowly walked to Naruto. "Calm down, Naruto. Give me the baton."
"Sure." Naruto gives the baton to Gai.
"Hit him, Gai!" cried Tenten, hoping that Neji's death would be avenged.
Gai shakes his head. "No," said Gai. "Even criminals like Naruto must face a fair trial, like you, me or everybody else. Including Neji, if he wasn't dead."
Everyone looked at Neji who appears to be playing dead.
"Who will defend him?" asked Tenten.
"I will," said Gai. "First of all, Kakashi, take off your clothes." Kakashi starts to undress himself. "The rest of you, into the courtroom."
Kakashi was removing his shirt as everyone except for Neji makes their way into court.
"Come on, Kakashi," said Gai. "Anytime this century. Maybe you should do a dance?"
"What kind of dance?" asked Kakashi, as he was trying to remove his pants, while hopping backwards. Neji quickly moved his legs to prevent Kakashi from tripping over.
"I dunno. The Hatake?" said Gai. "That looks like the Hatake."
Kakashi trips over as both Neji and Gai watched.
"I didn't even hit him," Gai said to no one in particular as Neji looked at Kakashi's fallen body.
The Court Case
The Jury consists of Choji, Sakura, Sasuke, Ino, Shikamaru, Kiba, Shino, Asuma, Kurenai, Iruka and Shizune dressed as soccer players with Hinata as the coach holding the sport drinks. Judge Kakashi was only wearing his underwear.
Gai cross-examines Officer Lee, while holding a smoking pipe.
"Officer Gai. Where were you at the time and the place we specified in the pre-written script?"
"Objection!" objected ADA Tenten.
"Overruled and to be removed from the record!" yelled Gai.
"Sustained, DA Gai!" said Kakashi.
Gai sits next to Naruto. "Don't worry, I have an ace up my hole," Gai said as he tosses a book at a glass of water, knocking the glass off the table. "Oops."
The Final Statement
Gai was smoking a pair of sunglasses in front of the Soccer Jury. "Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jewelry. We live in the age of Ninjas and if it a crime for my client to kill a man in cold blood, then he is guilty of murder. But if it's not a crime, then he isn't. The End."
Gai walks back to Naruto and whispered to him. "It's looking good."
Kakashi gives his verdict. "I sentence you to death." Kakashi whacks the gavel and Gai shrugs.
Tenten walks out of the courtroom and sees Neji alive and well with his left arm in an arm sling.
"Tenten, I'm alive," said Neji.
Tenten hugs Neji. "Oh Neji." Then, she looks at Neji. "I think you'd better apologize to Gai."
"Right." Neji opens a door and walks through it...
The 78th Naruto News Show Awards!
...only for Neji to end up in a studio with his right arm in an arm sling.
"What the hell?" mumbled Neji.
Lee was doing a handstand, and Kiba was sitting on a sofa while Naruto and Shikamaru were at the front wearing a formal jacket, shirt and bow tie. The other Naruto characters were in the audience.
"Welcome to the 78th Annual Naruto News Show Awards!" announced Naruto.
"That's right. Before we go on, it's time for us to give away our first Award."
Shikamaru opens an envelope. "And the award for best fanfic with the lack of OCs and Minor Character goes to PikaFlash, through the use of special Computer Graphics to compensate for the lack of OCs and Minor characters by using fake cardboard cutouts of characters from other Animes. And to collect the award is PikaFlash's Pikachu."
A cardboard cutout of a Pikachu on a skateboard appeared from Neji's door and Naruto hands the award to Pikachu, who has no hands (or paws) to collect the award, so the award just fell to the floor and the cardboard cutout Pikachu on the skateboard was pulled away by Neji.
"But, let's not forget the runner up for this award, who happens to be Orochimaru," said Naruto. "Anyway, here comes the most important award of them all. The Award for Best Cosplayer! And the nominees are...
Hinata, dressed as Uzumaki Naruto
Temari, dressed as Rikku
Tenten, dressed as Chun-Li
Shino, dressed as Auron
Choji, dressed as Ash Ketchum
Ino, dressed as Uchiha Sasuke
Sakura, dressed as Uchiha Sasuke
And finally, Sasuke, dressed as Uchiha Sasuke with a plastic bag over his face
Naruto opens the envelope. "And the winner is Sasuke, dressed as Sasuke with a plastic bag over his face!"
Sasuke walked on stage, with a plastic bag over his face. Definitely the best Cosplayer voted by the awards that have been rigged in the first place. Sasuke collects his award, surprising everyone else (except for Ino and Sakura, as expected). His only costume, the plastic bag over his face to hide his face from any fangirls in the audience.
Shikamaru, Ino, Naruto, Hinata, Neji and Tenten were having dinner at Ichiraku's.
"It's sure nice for you to take us to this nice restaurant that makes Italian ramen, Naruto," said Ino.
"It's not Italian, Ino. It's Japanese Ramen," corrected Naruto.
Ino spat soup at Naruto's face.
Shikamaru drinks the alcohol. "This drink taste familiar? What kind of alcohol is it?"
"Deer piss," answered Neji.
Shikamaru spat the drink at Neji over a distance.
"I was kidding," said Neji. "It's was from Tenten's hidden stash."
Tenten spat out her drink at Neji. "You stole my hidden drinks?"
"Let's not argue over this, cousin Neji," said Hinata. "After all, you two boys sure are getting close to each other."
Naruto, Shikamaru and Ino spat a mixture of Ramen soup and alcohol on Hinata, Neji and Tenten.
"Guys, I got some important news," said Tenten. She unties her hair. "I'm really a woman."
Neji, Naruto, Hinata, Ino and Shikamaru spat liquids at Tenten.
"That means that I was not gay in the first place," said Neji. That earned him a spray of liquid from Ino, Naruto, Shikamaru and Hinata.
Kiba's voice: "Actually, I think you're gay!"
"Hey, shut up, you lap dog!" yelled Neji.
Kiba's voice: "Yes, Master!"
The other five spat their drinks at Neji.
Ino stood up. "Guys, I also got some important news. I'm pregnant…"
No one spat out anything at Ino.
"…with a deer."
Everyone else sprayed ramen soup, noodles and alcohol on Ino.
"Come to think of it, I do sometimes dress myself like a deer," said Shikamaru.
Suddenly, Tenten spat on Neji, Neji spat on Hinata, Hinata spat on Naruto, Naruto spat on Ino and Ino spat on Shikamaru. Shikamaru spits back at Ino.
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series
Disclaimers: As usual, all characters, scenes, songs, ideas and famous speeches belong to their respective owners.
End of the Maito Gai Fanfiction Series
A/N: But for those who want to find out of Naruto survives the kunai attack by the Uchiha brothers, here it is.
As Hinata held the injured Naruto, Naruto pulled out the kunai and opened his jacket. The ramen shirt protected Naruto.
"I was lucky that the hot and dry weather harden my Ramen shirt, giving me kunai-proof armor," explained Naruto.
"Oh, Naruto-kun!" Hinata hugged Naruto. "I almost lost you!"
"Same here, Hinata-chan."
Then, Kakashi asks, "It must be a miracle for a shirt made out of Italian pasta to act as a Kunai-proof shirt."
Hinata and Naruto looked at Kakashi. "It's not Italian Pasta," corrected NaruHina in unison. "It's Japanese Noodles."