Hello gentle reader. This is the 4th story I've posted and I am so proud of myself. Lol.
Well let's see. The poem you see here was written by me, for the purposes of having a one shot based around it. It doesn't have a title; it just contains a story in it. The story you see here. Hooray.
Also with the poem, it's sort of just like a thing that highlights what Harry is thinking and feeling at each point.
This fic features a slightly disillusioned Harry. Er. Make that VERY disillusioned Harry.
Ah, the powers of obsessive unrequited love. Love them.
Warning, this contains mentions of self mutilation and suicide. ..w00p.
Read on, and please review. I like reviews. They make me happy.The View From Heaven
I'm sitting here like I always do, in between Ron and Hermione. Ron is in the middle of a captivating argument about muggle football with Dean, and Hermione…well, reading a book of some form.
That doesn't matter.
All that matters to me is you.
You're not here yet, though.
Searching, waiting, hoping…
The doors open, and in come the flood of Slytherins. With you and him brining up the rear.
And even from a distance, I can see the pain.
I've known about your pain for a while now.
And I've watched you struggle with it
It's breaking my heart
To see my love so miserable.
My darling Ice Prince.
The tales of what you get up to reach even the Lion's Den.
"Second time in a month he's tried to do it, I heard. Wonder why. You'd think he'd be happy, wouldn't you, with his money and looks. And isn't he with Zabini? Aren't they in love?"
The gossiping voice of Lavender enters my mind momentarily, and I smile grimly. If only she knew.
"What are you smiling at, mate?"
Ron's voice interrupts my thoughts. I flick my gaze to him, and shake my head dismissively. "Nothing, Ron."
My gaze flicks back to the Slytherin table, and there you are, laughing with all of your friends, as he holds your hand.
I smile again. "Nothing at all."
You don't feel the same way about me,
I know that.
But, you're with someone who I thought you loved
I know they love you
So why are you so sad?
It's Potions with you and your Slytherins. I sit with Ron and Hermione, as always. Snape swoops in and sneers around at us all. "Time to begin brewing a new potion. The pairs are as following…"
He reads them out, noticeably pairing Gryffindors with Slytherins. Groans result from each pairing, until there are only two people left.
"Potter, with Malfoy." Black eyes sneer in my direction, but I ignore them. "Get up. Move down here. With Malfoy. NOW."
I silently gather my things and move to the front. Your silver eyes glitter at me for a moment, and for that moment, I can see pain. I can see sadness. It's there. I know it is.
And if you're apparently so damn happy with Zabini, what I want to know is, why?
I can recognize what's wrong with you
That deep, blinding pain
Which I feel as well, inside
I just can't understand
How you can feel that
When the one you love
Loves you back.
Not many people know that I have depression.
Who would've thought, the fucking saviour of the wizarding world, having that of all problems. But it's true. I do.
I don't particularly care about myself. What I've been worried about for quite some time, instead, is you.
I observe every morning. Every lunchtime. Every dinnertime. During every class with you. And I see you giving signs that are similar to what mine were. Which is odd, really. You have every reason to be happy. To be gloating. But you don't.
And as I glance over at you, to see you gazing blankly at the cauldron.
You hold your hands out in front of you, pressed together, and I'm startled by what I see.
Pink-ish gashes, towards the top of your wrists, slightly faded but fairly new.
Remains from your last attempt, I guess.
You have what you want
So why do you bleed?
If you're so happy with them,
Why do you still have those dark thoughts?
I wish so much you could see.
I know exactly what it's like
The pain that cuts and bleeds
And I think I could help you
I know you could help me
For a moment, I'm seized with the wild possibility of accidentally on purpose moving my arms to show you my own scars, but then you move off to get the ingredients without a word, leaving me at the desk.
An hour of silence on the surface passes, while I'm deafened with the screams of questions in my mind.
Free period. I throw a vague excuse to Ron and Hermione, something about the library, and move off to my spot near the lake. I throw my bag down, and flop onto the soft grass, pondering the sky.
I've gone over in my head a million times if I'm really genuine with this.
And each time the resulting answer is the same.
Yes, I, Harry Potter, really and truly am in love with Draco Malfoy.
What could I do to make you see that?
I got up and moved back to the castle.
I entered into the Entrance Hall when a voice rang across it.
I turn slowly, and there you are.
"What?" I answer, watching you approach me.
"Listen, I just wanted to say…"
"Draco? Where are you?"
Zabini appears at the top of the marble staircase.
"Why are you down there? Why are you talking to Potter, love?"
A glimmer of silver, and you're gone.
Well. That was interesting.
He calls you his love as well.
Take away the bloody pain already.
Why do you call me those things?
And why do you always stare at me
I look away
And turn back
To find your eyes burning into me
I need you to let me know
Do I have a right to feel this stupid hope?
Or am I just an optimistic fool.
Dinner time at Hogwarts, and the Great Hall rings with chatter and laughter.
You're staring at me.
I watch you interestedly, and turn my head to answer a question from Hermione. Turning back, and you're watching me still.
Stupid beautiful git and your stupid beautiful eyes.
If you love me, which I'm beginning to think you secretly do, why can't you just tell me already? I might be a brave Gryffindor but even I don't want to tell the one I love that I love them.
Heart of a lion, you know.
I wonder. Maybe there is a way for us to be together, like we were meant to be.
I think I know what I should do
But I'm scared
You give all the signs of loving them
But somehow, it doesn't feel sincere.
Or is it just my rose eyes
Seeing something that doesn't exist?
Zabini leans over and strokes your hair. I see your smile, but from here, it looks forced.
Do you really love him?
Midnight. Everyone's asleep. I lay and listen to the steady breaths of my dorm mates. The deep snores of Ron. I hope they'll eventually understand why I did what I'm about to do. Maybe. With time.
Sliding off my bed, I work on making myself as presentable as possible. I put on my best jeans and shirt, and spend 10 minutes fussing with my hair.
I take my wand from the bedside table and retrieve a certain piece of parchment from my trunk. The whispered word of Lumos, and a blazing light blares over the parchment.
"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."
The black ink spreads gently, slowly from the tip of my wand, like spider webs forming, criss crossing, weaving in and out.
I search for and eventually find the dot, labelled as 'Draco Malfoy.' In the Head Boy's room. Perfect. Time to go.
Invisibility cloak secure, and I move swiftly from my space, using the map to guide my movements.
Finally, I find myself outside the door. A portrait of a snake.
I grin. This will be easier than I thought. I pull off the Cloak.
"Hello." I hiss in Parseltongue. "I'm here to see the one who dwells inside."
The snake stares suspiciously. "I didn't know there was a snake language speaking wizard in the castle. What do you want with Master Malfoy?"
"He hasn't told you?" I hiss. "I'm a friend of his. I need to speak with him most urgently. Please, may I gain access?"
The snake continues to glare suspiciously. I gaze back. There is a moment of silence, until it nods, and the door reveals itself.
I grasp the doorknob that has appeared, and turn it and pull.
I step into a spacious bedroom, but I have no eyes for the décor. Only for the head of blonde hair I can see sleeping in the large bed in the centre of the room.
I walk over and seize the shoulders from under the blankets, pulling you upright and waking you instantly.
You blink, and your beautiful eyes focus on me.
"POTTER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN…"
"Shhhh." I murmur, stroking your hair. "Don't worry. We can be together, Draco. I thought of a way. Finally. We can be together without any worries…"
And I show you my gun.
I visit you in the middle of the night
Shake you from your sleep
You look so confused
I take in the pain that is always present in your eyes
And show you what I have in my hand
Those beautiful eyes filled with pain as they always are widen.
"You won't…you can't believe that I…that I love you?" you stammer.
I smile. "I love you, Draco. And I know you love me. Heres to eternity."
Well who would've thought. I admitted it.
The sound is loud and cuts through the air, like it does your head.
The pain widens
I open my mouth to tell you
Where did this courage come from?
And with a smile, I aim.
The bang echoes through the night air
There's a thud
And you're lying still on the ground.
It's gratifying to see that I was the one who cured those beautiful eyes of their haunting.
Nothing now but pure, beautiful silver.
No more pain.
I reach out and caress the blood stained bed. Your blood stains my fingertips as well.
"I'll find you." I promise. "I'll find you, wherever we go, and we'll be together forever. I'll love you for a thousand afterlives to make up for the life we couldn't have together."
I stroke the red stained hair. "My ice angel."
I raise my hand to my head slowly.
I whisper my promise
And turn it on myself
A slight movement of my finger
A death for love is a worthwhile death.
See you in heaven, my love.