The Obese and the Malnourished

PLAN AND a bit of the PLOT

I was thinking about clichés and stuff and how to improve my "writing skills" when I thought of a story where I get to ridicule the cliché stories. But there already are hundreds of them! So.. I thought. What if Hermione wasn't the curvy, sexy, luscious, suddenly-straight-haired lady and draco wasn't the usual haughty-but-oh-so-gorgeous, six-packed, tall, triceped, biceped, whatever-there-is-to-name-as-long-as-it-says-I-have-MUSCLES-miraculously-because-of-Quidditch hunk, and all of these magically happened during the summer before 7th year?

So okay, here's the thing. Hermione's a pig. And Draco… well, he isn't physically equipped. And I'm not only talking about the "equipped" you're thinking about. But I mean, the whole package unequipped. Without the muscles, the height, and definitely the beautiful blonde hair.

And of course, where would they find comfort once they get teased by the people around them? Why, in each other's arms, of course!

I don't know if people would still want to read this on account that they want oh-so-perfect-characters. But if you want something different, unbelievable, exaggerated, weird, strange, and gross.. on with the story.

Chapter 1– underneath the layers of THICK bed sheets

It was still five in the morning when Hermione Granger woke up. Not only that she was excited for her Hogwarts annual shopping, but her stomach grumbled. Her big three layers of tubby tummy rumbled and grumbled. Her big three layers of tubby tummy that measured forty-two inches. Each. She moaned and groaned. NOT because of a sexual thing. But because she was hungry.

"MAHK-THUR!" she called out. "I'M HUNGKRY!"

She violently shook the breakfast table with the banging of her big elbows, allowing two plates to fall to the floor and break. This is Hermione after her summer. A summer where she spent the whole month and a half in a summer camp that preached "drink and be merry for tomorrow we will die!" Her parents couldn't believe the weight she gained. The whole 150 pounds of weight she gained. It is quite impossible, right? But if SOME PEOPLE get big boobs, shaped asses, curvy bodies, and amazing muscles in one summer, why, they could also get amazingly fat!

Yes, you can't picture out the bizarre faces of Mr. and Mrs. Granger. Their only child became their only children. But since they want what's best for her, the whole lot of her, and as "good" parents to a "good" girl-zilla, they follow her every need. Besides, they got used to it right away. They always wanted somebody to spoil, unlike the responsible, reliable, I've-got-it-all-under-control Hermione. She still is all of that, only that, when it comes to fueling and refueling her stomach, her parents are more than happy to help.

"Coming, sweetie," Mrs. Granger cried. She was rushing down the stairs to stop Hermione's tantrums, which was brought in by her hunger, which caused her grotesque insanity over food. "What do you want to eat?"

It only took Hermione a nanosecond before thinking of something to… devour.

"PANGCAKES! MUFFINKS! SCRAMBLET ECKS! FRIED ECKS! TOAST! FRENCH TOAST! HOTDOCKS! CHICKEN HOTDOCKS! GERMAN FRANKS! ITALIAN SAUSAGES! WAFFLES! BAGCON! HAM!" she paused to catch some breath. Shallow breaths, to be precise. "And milk," she added. "Easy on it, though, mum. I want it low-fat. I'm on a diet."

"A diet?" her mother asked. "Why, dear, you don't need one. You're already stunningly curvy!"

And then you'd think Mrs. Granger would be happy upon hearing her daughter's desire of losing weight, and further encourage her more. But, no, she had to compliment her on her STUNNING curves. Which were of course, inside-out.

Mrs. Granger and her poor eyesight.

"Really, mum? Am I really curvy?" Hermione beamed through the meat-and-muffin combo meal in her excuse for a human mouth. "You think guys in school would like me?"

"Well, of course, honey!" the doting mother replied. "Every man would be lucky to have you!"

And with that, the "curvy" girl was filled with glee. Yes, all the quintillion grams of fat. FILLED.


"HERMIONE, DARLING! LET'S GO!" Mr. Granger shouted out.

"COMING DAD!" she roared.

Dug! Dug! DUG! DUG! DUG! Dugdugdugdugdug! Splat.

"Are you okay, Hermione?"

"Yeah, help me get up dad, please."

"Okay, let's go," Mr. Granger said, pulling Hermione up, with his freehand holding the bars of the staircase for support. Once her daughter stood up, he asked, "Are you sure you're okay, Hermione?"

"I'm okay, dad. Good thing I fell on a carpet, else I could have gotten hurt."

"Good. Now, let's hurry before the bank closes."

Poor Spike.


By the time they reached Diagon Alley, the sunny morning shifted into a chilly afternoon. The place was packed with people of different kinds and faces. Nobody seemed to notice the entrance of the big girl. Then again, everybody else was too busy buying school stuff.

Hermione and her parents were also busy looking for the Madam Malkin's robe shop. Obviously, their curvy daughter needed new appealing robes. The not so little family went inside the shop and waited for the seamstress to finish off the costumer being tended to at that moment.

The old lady motioned the three to sit down on the steel chairs located near the mannequins, which was, predictably dented by the sumo wrestler a.k.a. Hermione Granger. Of course, she wasn't totally aware, because of the layered epidermis that covered her vital parts.

Unfortunately, the guy getting measured was extremely thin and puny that Madam Malkins had to offer cutting the robes in half and make special ones for the boy.

"NO! I WILL NOT WEAR SPECIALIZED, SIZE-REDUCED CLOTHES!" the boy cried. "It's not my fault I didn't grow into the 6 feet 2 inches that I hoped I would!"

And he ran outside. But as he walked quickly, the thin, frail boy tripped on Hermione's feet and nearly fell. "Watch it!"

"You're the one to watch, oinky," the guy shouted at Hermione.

"Maybe I would if a walking stick didn't have to be so rude!" She ricocheted an insult back at him.

"Son, let's go," the boy's father ordered.


"THIS WON'T…..UGH.. FIT!" Madam Malkins practically huffed and puff until she robe fit through Hermione's shoulders.

"Do something about it, Ma'am!" Mr. Granger half-commanded, half-asked.

"What do you want? Sew tworobes together?"

"If it's for my Hermione's compensation, yes."

"Very well then."


After an hour or so, the Granger family walked out of the road shop and into the entirety of diagon alley.

"MOM, I'm hungkry".

"Then, let's go eat somewhere!"

The three--three and three fourth able-bodied humans went in the nearest bar, ordered fire whisky for the two adults, and the rest of the menu for their daughter. They were all having fun, especially Hermione, when…

"HERMIONE! Is that you? Good god. What happened to you? Where the hell are you underneath those sheets?"


A/N: Sorry I had to cut this short. It's just a sample. If u like it.. and u think I need to continue writing, express it via review, then I'd continue writing Draco's side of the story. hehe. So review for the continuation. You know very well how much I would appreciate it. ; )