A/N: This is the first, and likely the last fic I'll ever write where chapter 97 is acknowledged. While the concept is great, I generally stick to the anime in my fanfiction. Akito will always be a boy in my brain. But as you'll soon see, there was no way to write this fic and not base it off the manga. And if she is a girl, she's bound to start menstruating at some point. If you're uncomfortable with the concept you shouldn't have clicked here, so read on! (I don't have to tell you I don't own Furuba, do I?)
Double X Chromosome
It's not as if they told me I would bleed.
They could have. They should have, because I'm just about traumatized now. Seriously, just because I'm meant to be a man doesn't mean that it won't happen. My organs bring the blood and I'm meant to carry babies, they couldn't change that, they should have told me.
I guess they thought that I was just too sick, too thin and not a woman really. I mean I'm not, I guess, not like those cute girls in little dresses you see walking down the street. I don't suppose I'd look too good in such a get-up. Maybe. I don't know, it's not something I asked Hari when we talked. Like he fucking knows. Freakin' asexual, God he's even worse than me!
They could have told me. I thought I was dying, no one cares but I did.
It started last week, my stomach shooting pain the moment I woke up. It was tight, crampy, I was nauseated something special. Not that it mattered. I figured it for stomach flu, just took some pills and shut my eyes, said the day was a bust and zonked out. Didn't work for fuck-all, I was up half a minute later with in fetal position, screaming my poor throat sore. See I'd been downing these babies for days, for everything. Percocet, Aleve, just all kinds of pills for every twinge. Spare me the lecture though, I know it's stupid. I pretty much got it after that nightmare of a morning.
Oh boy. It hurt like hell. I screamed, I writhed, I puked and cried. There was all this 'why me?' crap going on in my head. But seriously, why me? I understand the illness, it's the damned curse again, but not this curse, I'm not supposed to be a girl. And Kagura tells me that this doesn't hurt her nearly quite so bad.
It went on for hours, me just lying there moaning, pounding the bed with my fists and popping pills. Maybe that made things worst, it must have 'cause I took so many. I'm weak, I'm lame, I'll do anything end the pain. Shriek for the doctor, bitch and cry and try to make it go away in the toilet.
Normally, I just don't like it in here because I haven't got what I ought to. No dick but I'm a pre-teen boy, it doesn't add up and I'm angry. I get angry, but not that day. Not when I saw the blood.
It was close to black, clotted with spots of candy red splashed through. Dripping from the parts that aren't part of me, the girl parts, god just staining the fucking square and it was blood, I was bleeding, I hurt and I was done. Sick of this, god, no, it's going away now.
Not that I could make it stop. I figured this for some infection, some awful leeching thing just tearing up my organs. My legs were stained and they were sticky, this was gross gross gross and I was dying. The blood the pain, this couldn't be good, terminal illness was all I could guess at.
This is what you think of when that's all that happens to you, when you're isolated and not told crap about your body. I cried. I'll admit it, I bawled my freakin' eyes out. I'm twelve years old, a baby though I'm ancient, and no matter my age I'll never be ready for the inevitable. (Oh Aki-chan you hypocrite, you're on suicide watch, all the time.) Anyway Hari came straight into the bathroom since he thought that I was sick. My pants were down and he could see me, but why bother to cover up? It's his problem if it turns him on, not that it would 'cause he's frozen, but Hari'll be my real doctor any day now. (Year. Whatever. Shut up.) Hell, he'll probably be the one to feel me up for cancer!
At that point though I just wanted him to fix me. "Hatori…" I croaked. "I'm bleeding I…I don't know what's wrong, can you…can your help me…?"
He face palmed, just sucked in his breath like this whole thing shamed him. Fuck I was the one with my genitals hanging out, I was the one bleeding death down my legs with a gun in my stomach. He had nothing, no right, I fucking slapped him. "Help me!"
"Ah…Akito this is, this is normal, nothing to worry about for a young…er…" Young what? Invalid, grave-bound, sickly sickly dying God? GIRL!
"Of course its normal for me to be sick!" I snapped, glaring pissed off at his downcast eyes. "That doesn't mean that its good Hari, I'm freakin' hemorrhaging here!"
"N-no Akito, you're not sick, this isn't an illness," he told me, awkward and he didn't explain. I didn't see how it could not be. Blood + Pain I-am-sick-or-injured, and unless I'd torn up something in this part of me I never touch, then I was filled with something fatal, dying dying dead.
"If I'm not sick then what the hell's going on?" I asked, slipping clothing back on and he told me not to, said I needed to clean up first, sanitation's so important when infection's all you know. I obeyed and stood their smirking, arms crossed against my vaguely lumpy chest. His eyes were blank when he looked at me, but I prayed for salivation, faked being some cool seductress Hari couldn't tear his eyes away from. There could have been a flicker, a little drool but no…probably not. I was too panicked for a power trip, Hatori's heart would mean nothing when mine was on fire with fear. Death would stay in my head no matter what he said, and his unexplained bullshit wasn't something that could save me.
He barely blinked as he wet the towel, stuck he hands between my legs and scraped me clean. "Listen," he said, his knuckles making life beautiful as they shuddered past my thighs. "This is your…period it's…it's perfectly normal. You get it when you're twelve or thirteen, and it just means that your body's working properly. It's ah…it's a good thing."
That statement just stung me with it's sadism, it was like he wanted me in pain, like the horny fuck'd get off on it or something. (Stupid stupid Akito, you just want him to want you.) I raked my nails right down his wrists though, said "Fuck you Hatori, it hurts!" Sadism, Christ, how can he tell me that my agony's correct?
"Well," he said, sucking spit back in his throat, prolly nervous. "I know something that could stop it if it's such a problem. I'd have to clear it with your doctor first, but I'm sure it'll be just fine."
Just fine. I've been promised everything, guaranteed both death and ecstasy, but this little curse is permanent, I'll never take his awful remedy. But even when I'm well now, I'll always have this hurt to depend on. Thank you double X chromosome, thanks for screwing me over for the frillionth time this fucking minute.
Two days later, (well more like one but time tends to double when you're blinded by pain) Hari came back with pills in his hands, said the real doctor was occupied but he'd administer, there were extra special man pills just for me. Testosterone. To make it stop.
That's when I figured it was all on my gender, that Hari never had a period himself. I tossed those pills right out the window, I won't be poisoning my body now, I'm not a fucking man. I don't have that stupid sprawling schlong, those vulnerable little peanuts hanging down. I'm compact, a girl, they should say I'm a girl but I don't know…
"Hatori?" I said, trailing fingers down his jeans and I'm flirting, it's wrong and I know and he can't want it, there's just this tension here. And if he loves me when he's a full M.D., he's bound to take much better care of me. (Let's play the game where we're not pessimistic jerks and I live that long, okay?) "What are those girly thingies that you use to keep it clean?"
"Tampons," he said, "or pads. But knowing you you'll leave the tampon in and get toxic shock syndrome, so a pads the best I suppose…" Hari's little freak-out was sweet, it was obvious he didn't want to tell me this. Fine though, it's fine because we'll deal with it, if Hatori's a good boy I'll be a good little whatever and binge on painkillers, flirt with him lamely because I'm a hideous half-girl and nobody wants that. Next time I'm sure I'll wring his neck but I'm okay. Haven't fainted in pain yet and I'm dandy. Used to wishing I were dead by now.
Nana: Hehe. Hope you had fun with that. I figure since the whole thing hurts enough if you're healthy, Akito would be in abject agony. Most likely there'd be some underlying disorder like endometriosis or adenomyosis…didn't really want to go into that in the fic though. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope that nobody's offended by This was not meant to offend anyone of either sex, but somehow I can't imagine a person who's so gender-conflicted to not insult a lot of things. Please leave me a review, and Raikune don't kill me! I'll be back to writing boy Akito tomorrow!