Obligitory Author's Notes: I have been criticized about this in the past, but I'm afraid that Homestar's speech impediment will not be manifested visually in this story (when he says an "r" I will not replace it with a "w"). As some guy on a chat room said on the subject of using R instead of W when writing Homestar, you might as well spell everything else phonetically, too. So…r's. No w's.
On June 24th, 2002, in some town called Free Country, USA, a diode blew in a computer called Tandy 400, causing the computer to spontaneously explode. The resulting computer left its owner with third-degree burns and about $70 worth of damage to the house.
Tandy Corp. was quick to respond, giving the family a check for two thousand dollars, to avoid certain "legal complications". The family accepted the check and agreed to forgo a lawsuit (this entire exchange was done over the phone, with no one actually leaving, or coming to, Free Country, USA). All records of the computer's explosion were wiped clean from existance. Including the records of Tandy Corp. ever having dealings in any town called Free Country, USA.
But one thing that the owner of the computer did not know was that the computer's explosion had caused a huge surge of electricity to course through the wires leading off of it. But the explosion had caused such a lapse in the electrical circulation in the house that all power was off for about 10 seconds. The electricity from the computer's explosion, having just reached the fuse box in the basement, was quickly stopped by the loss of power and therefore stuck in the circuit breakers, perfectly still.
This meant that there was now about 10,000 volts of electricity wired into the house's electrical grid, liable to activate at any second.
October 9th, 2006
"Okay…almost set here…perfect!"
Strong Bad hopped down from the stool and admired his work. What he had done was manage to position a hairdryer in his bathroom so it was perfectly aiming at the head of a toy soldier (the hairdryer had been positioned with clay molded around its base).
Strong Bad and The Cheat eagerly high-fived and left the bathroom, keeping in mind to return in five hours to see the hairdryer's progress.
About six hours later (Strong Bad and The Cheat had fallen asleep), the toy soldier finally caught fire. It quickly fell over, forward. The wind from the soldier's fall blew the flame forward, just far enough to touch the clay holding the hairdryer in place. The clay was highly flammable, and it quickly ignited. The flaming clay slowly began to envelop the plastic base of the hairdryer, and after a few minutes, the clay metled and the flaming hairdryer fell out of place and landed on the ground. By a pure stroke of bad luck, Strong Bad kept the planks of wood he used to lock Strong Sad in the bathtub on Decemberween right next to the bathtub (or, in this case, right where the flaming hairdryer had landed.
The ten planks of wood burst into flames, completley covering the hairdryer, as well as the wire leading to the outlet. Once the flame hit the outlet, it exploded in a shower of flame that covered the whole room.
Now is the time where it should be noted that the explosion of electricity in the bathroom outlet was what caused all that spare electricity in the fuel box to be blown out of the circuit board and shoot out through the house, blowing up all unplugged outlets, and blowing up anything plugged into the outlets.
The entire house was now a huge torrent of flame.
Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Sad and Strong Mad had all woken up now, and the all hurried to the closest window and dived out.
The Strongs' house burned to the ground that night, and everything in it was destroyed.
But this is not that story.
All I will say about the rest of this story is that the fire had attracted firefighters from a nearby, albeit larger, town close by. The firefighters were unable to file any of the tons of paperwork needed for this, seeing as there were tons, that is all, of political records (or indeed any kind of records at all) missing about Free Country, USA.
October 11th, 2006
About fifty government workers (or maybe it was less, just over and over again; they all looked the same) arrived in the town two days later, along with several dozen police officers, constantly radioing each other. They searched the town, scribbling down notes, writing in clipboards, making tons of phone calls, driving back and forth from whatever town they came from, as well as spending a lot of time questioning the King of Town about his authority. This was coupled by about 20 firefighters and three or four electricians exploring the Strongs' house, looking for the source of the fire.
As the investigation furthered, more and more government workers came into town to investigate (even to the point that Strong Bad had to hide The Cheat to stop the outsiders from asking more questions, if that was possible). They were so confused. How could a town be founded without any political records? How could it exist for so long without the government knowing about it? How could all of the products belonging to the citizens of the town be shipped to Free Country without there being records of where they were going? How could all these television shows be broadcast in Free Country without the knowledge of the FCC? How could all these buildings be constructed without outside influence? Hadn't any of these citizens left the town before? Could a town really exist that no one knew about?
No one at all really knew. They had just always lived there. Everything had always been there. The houses, the stores, the restaurants, even the big town hall where Strong Bad filmed the office scenes for his Dangeresque movies, had just always been there for as long as anyone could remember. Even Bubs couldn't recall the origin of his concession stand, having always assumed he had bought it from someone. All their possesions were either inherited or given as gifts. Everything else, their parents had bought for them before they were born (almost no one could remember their parents anymore). Sometimes a DVD of a TV show or a movie would be produced, and the citizens would just order it online. Where did everything else come from? None of them really knew. They had never thought about it.
None of it made sense. A town cannot exist without knowledge of those around it! It's impossible on so many levels! But Free Country, USA, defied that.
What was even more impossible-seeming was the fact that none of the townsfolk of the surrounding towns or cities, or even a single person involved with the media, had learned about Free Country's existence. The only outside people who knew about Free Country, USA were the government agents, police officers and firemen that had come to investigate. That was all.
Eventually they told the citizens they were going to have to relocate them all to a hotel for…well, they said could be anywhere for three months to three years. In fact, they said that the citizens would probably have to move out of Free Country for good. But the agents said they'd set up a reservation in first-class suites in compensation for all the inconvienance.
But Homestar's letter had got lost in the mail, and he had missed the meeting at town hall. Marzipan's attempt to tell Homestar what had happened was less than effective.
It was at night that she finally found him, when the sky had fallen dark.
"Homestar, haven't you packed?" she asked.
"Packed?" said Homestar. "Why would I pack?"
"Don't you remember what those officials said at the meeting?"
"There was a meeting? Why was I not informed?"
"You didn't hear the news?"
"Didn't I hear the news?"
"What does that mean?"
"Aw, I got nothing."
"I was seeing how long we could answer questions with questions. You win, though. I know how to pick my battleships."
"Really, Homesar. Don't you remember the news?"
"News? Oh, no ways, man."
"Well, those agents said that the whole town has to relocate to a hotel they've set up for us."
"Relocate? I heard that word once in a spy movie! This is not good!"
"The government's trying to hide us! That means the feds have found us! This does not look good!"
"Homestar, what have you done that would make the feds want to come after you?"
"I don't know, but they know things no one else does! Conspiracies, and stuff like that!"
"The government can't be hiding you from the feds. The 'feds' are the government. Why would the government hide you from itself?"
"Oh, crap! This is getting worse! The government is fighting against themselves, and I'm torn in the middle of this terrible turf war of corruption!"
"What are you talking about? What war?"
"I don't know, but there's some high-level stuff goin' on here, and I'm not gonna get tangled up in this web of conspiracy! I don't want to end up with my memory wiped! I'm getting' outta here!"
A caffiene-crazed Homestar took off out of the house and ran down the street as fast as he could before Marzipan could stop him. He kept running until around the time when he was crossing the overpass bridge leading out of Free Country, USA. The overpass lead directly over the River Prance, a huge waterway that led down a slope around Free Country, that's rushing rapids was always a sight for tourists. Not that any tourists had ever come to Free Country, since no one knew about it. But if they did, the rapids would be a sight to behold.
The roar of the small but numerous waterfalls below was interrupted by the klaxon of a loud horn behind Homestar. He turned around quickly.
In front of him was one of the vans that the government agents were drving. But in the glare of the headlights against the darkness of night his eyes had adjusted too, Homestar couldn't see the van, or in fact anything else for a few seconds. He dived to his side as quick as he could, hoping to miss the van.
He launched himself over the guard rail and tumbled through the air towards the rushing, jagged-rock filled rapids below.