We do not own Avatar, if we did Zuko's scar will miraculously disappear and his hair would grow back. (C'mon guys the scar doesn't give him character but it sure gives mea head ache)

The character descriptions are taken from Wikipedia . org It's an amazing site.

Some parts of the story are extracted from the script of The Matrix.

Forgive us but the lure was strong.

Please don't sue! We meant no wrong.


Top Ten Questions We'd ask the cast of Avatar.

This idea came out of nowhere when we were reading a self-insertion. Have you noticed that self-insertions follow the same old tune? The Self-inserted individuals are drop dead gorgeous and most are like storm/shadow/light/love/plant/beast/shit benders. There are so few great one's out there…like "Everyone else is doing it" by Lin13 (go read it and enjoy).

It's really annoying how the transplanted individuals always end up with the main characters and half of the story line is from the Bold and the Beautiful. Well guess what this is a self-insertion with a twist. We don't want the characters to fall in love with us, we just want them to survive our encounter. Muwahahaaha.

Sit back and enjoy.

Imagine this…

The camera takes you out of a limousine and travels up a tall glass skyscraper. While you go up, you see people working in their small cubicles; you see window cleaners and reflections of the city below you. When you reach the middle of the building, the camera leans back a little to show you large letters. You lean back more and see the entire name of the building: BAAL INDUSTRIES. You continue in the journey up this building and just as you reach the top most floor, you go in through the tall French windows to see a long ebony table with black high backed chairs and two chairs at the head of the table. At the end of the boardroom you see a 16th century fire place set into the wall.

You don't linger in the room, suddenly you go through the door and you find yourselves behind a boy dressed completely in black. Black shoes, socks, shirt, coat, trousers and glasses. Next to him is a girl in complete white, white dress, gloves and cloak. That's me. The camera stops behind us just as the boy says, "Here comes the morons". The camera turns towards the lift just as it opens and eight people step out, escorted by two agents dressed in black. There is a boy with a blue arrow on his forehead and with him two teenagers both dressed in blue. Behind them are a host of men in red armor. One is short and tubby who is examining the surroundings with interest, next to him is a teen with a scarred face who is sneering in distaste. Behind them are two men in chain mail. One who shares an alarming similarity to a primate and another whose face is concealed by a black veil. Amidst all the males is another girl in ornamental robes who is bound and gagged.

"Welcome, Avatarians to the headquarters of Baal Industries. I'm your host La Femme and this is Lord Baal. We hope you enjoy your visit."

Everyone takes in the boy and the girl's appearances.

"But first I have something important to tell you." The boy says.

"You might feel like Alice in wonderland right now, not knowing where you are. You are but a pawn in an enormous chessboard. You want to know what the Matrix is Neo? Well no one can tell you what it is; you have to see for yourself." Baal takes out a pack of pills and empties them into his hands. He then divides the red pills onto his left hand and blue pills to his right hand.

"If you decide to take the blue pill you wake up in your bed and believe what you want to believe. If you decide to take the red pill you come with me and see how far the rabbit hole goes". Baal nods to himself. "I always wanted to do that" he smiles and looks at the guests.

Blank looks greeted him. Baal sighs.

I decide to intervene. "Ok people, let's make this simple. Blue pill and you go home. Red pill and you stay here but you lose the ability to bend."

"What's in it for us?" Zaho demands. I take him aside and whisper, "If you agree to this interview I'll guarantee the Avatar captured and bound awaiting you when you're ready to leave."

"It's a deal." Zhao grins and takes the pill.

"What was that?" Zuko demands, stepping forward. I isolate him and Iroh and deliver my bribe. It's very easy…all I have to do is insert the magic words in any random sentence. "Banana tulips are dancing the tango with a complementary barrel of Ginseng tea and your honor will be restored in a distant galaxy two light years away."

"Fine" Zuko nods gulping down the capsule looking longingly at Ozai. Iroh takes out a napkin and wipes the drool from Zuko's face.

"Mmmmph" Zula forces out through her gag. "Oh I'm sorry." apologizes Lord Baal courteously and frees her mouth, but before she can say a word (or breathe fire); he inserts the pill and holds her nose. Zula has no choice but to swallow. Baal reinserts the gag. He looks around at Lord Ozai and raises an eyebrow at me. I shrug. Ozai had climbed in to the fireplace and was now sitting amidst the cackling flames. Something tells us to leave him alone.

"If that's that, please be seated." I wave my hand over to the ebony table that stretches across the room. There is mild confusion as the Avatarians stride around reading the nameplates beside each seat.

The seating arrangements were such that the right side of the table contained the Avatar, the water bender and the boy warrior. The left side was dedicated to the fire nation. The two interviewers sat at the head of the table. Even to the untrained eye, the seating pattern would seem to divide the room in to the "good" side, the "bad" side and the Ogre in the fire.

"Ok first of all there will be a brief introduction about each of today's participants… Lord Baal if you please…"

Baal went to a nearby filing cabinet, came back with six files, and arranged them on the table. All the files were named WIKIPEDIA. He opened the first one and began to read.

"Katara is a 14-year-old Water bender who, along with her brother, found Aang in an iceberg. Having lost her mother in a Fire Nation raid and with her father in the war, Katara is mature beyond her age and determined to end the war. -- or at least never stop trying." Baal looks at Katara and smirks, "Yeah right! From the way you treat Aang, you are just a jealous little—" I cough and Baal stops his insult. He smirks and continues. "Being the only surviving Water bender of her tribe, Katara has no one to teach her how to water bend. Katara practices rudimentary water bending on her own every day and longs to find a master Water bender to teach her, so she can live up to her potential and become a great Water bender in order to save her tribe." Baal stops. "I thought Sokka was going to save your tribe, not you! Not that you can save the tribe anyway, you just hid behind Gran Gran when Zuko came barging in." Katara's face darkened but she kept quiet. "Katara is the self-appointed caretaker of the young Avatar and the leader of the group -- not to mention the older girl who has become Aang's crush." Baal coughs into his hands, and both Katara and Aang blush.

"Although Katara is wise for her age, she doesn't know everything. Katara's newly tapped power is "healing" as revealed in the episode "The Deserter". There is also some speculation by fans that Katara was/is supposed to be the next incarnation of the Avatar after Aang." Baal closes the file and opens the next one.

"Sokka is Katara's 15-year-old warrior brother. Sokka is loyal, courageous, proud, headstrong, and very protective of his sister. He's also clueless, pig-headed, and distrustful of "magic" (his word for bending)." Baal stops and makes a piggy sound, everyone except Sokka laugh. "He prefers to use strength, determination, ingenuity, and his boomerang (given to him by his father) to get out of troubles.

"Yeah your trusty Boomerang…I bet my life if it doesn't return to you due to the laws of physics you'd lose it within seconds." Baal stops and pokes his tongue and opens the next file.

"Prince Zuko is a disgraced 16-year-old prince of the Fire Nation."

Zuko gnashes his teeth.

"When the story begins, he has been banished and is never allowed to return home unless he can fulfill a seemingly impossible mission: find and capture the Avatar. Of course, no one has anticipated the lost Avatar would ever return, so Zuko's banishment was intended to be permanent. His crime? Speaking out against a general who planned to allow hundreds of young men to needlessly die in battle. His father took offense that Zuko would question his superiors and decided to personally duel him in the Fire Duel, Agni Kai, but did not tell Zuko he would be his opponent until they were in the ring. When Zuko saw whom he would be dueling, he fell to his knees and begged for mercy." Here Baal stopped and laughed saying, "Coward!" Zuko tried to get up but Iroh pulled him back on to the chair.

"He refused to fight his own father, and for his perceived cowardice, he was given a horrible scar on his face, stretching back over his ear, before being banished." "You don't have to describe it, you know!" Zuko shouted while fighting with his Uncle's grip. Baal gave Zuko a glance, which said I don't care what you say, and continued reading. "During his two years in exile, he has trained himself to become a powerful Fire bender. Focused, driven, intelligent, and honorable, but very bitter, Zuko is obsessed with what he believes is his destiny: capturing the Avatar, in order to redeem his honor and be accepted back by his father, the Fire Lord Ozai. Zuko is desperate to regain his throne, but is also learning that there are more important things. Such as the safety of his uncle and his crew. It has been confirmed that Zuko has a younger sister, as seen in the memories of a little girl running with him. Her name is Zula and she is the girl smiling at Zuko's punishment. It is also said that Zuko is for all his vices a handsome young man." Baal chokes, "Yeah right! You can call my deformed cow handsome and that would fit". "In addition, Zuko does have some good in him even though he constantly tries to deny that. Zuko's sister Zula is truly the evil of the banished prince and little princess pair for it is said that she has no honor and is a ruthless girl and does not like Zuko and tries to make sure he gets all the punishments possible. It could also be said that Zula wants to take her brother's throne."

"With that, I agree with my whole heart" said Baal and moved on to the next document. Katara wiped away some tears. Baal gave her one look and shook his head.

"Iroh is Prince Zuko's uncle, advisor, brother to the Fire Lord, and a retired general. He would rather lounge, eat, and make peace in his old age than fight in the war but is a strong opponent, nonetheless. Iroh has more to him than meets the eye. Although he rarely shows it, Iroh loves his nephew a good deal and tries to protect him. The pain on his face when he tells of Zuko's punishment is heartbreaking. Earth Kingdom soldiers also refer to him as the "Dragon of the West" after he is captured in the two-part "Winter Solstice" episode" Here Baal looked up. "You know if you dumb idiots give such cool names like "Dragon of the West" for a guy who sits around draining tea leaves, I'll come to your land any day. Do you think they'll call me Supa Dupa Milk of Magnesia?"

"Ozai is leader of the Fire Nation, making him Zuko's father and Iroh's brother. His features are always shadowed, and his actions are stoic and cold, even to his own family, as he is directly responsible for Zuko's horrible scar. Even though his features are always shadowed, we did see a glimpse of what he looked like in puppet form in the episode "The Deserters". He wears traditional fire nation robes, and has a long brown beard, he also wears a crown" Baal glances at the fire and makes a face. "I'm a man of reason. Therefore I bet you have a pretty good reason to wear a veil Ozai, so what ever you do don't take the damn thing off; I just had my breakfast."

"Formerly known as Commander Zhao before a promotion in "The Blue Spirit" is a ruthless leader of the Fire Nation Navy and a powerful Fire bender. He wants to capture the Avatar before Prince Zuko does or take the Avatar from Zuko if Zuko captures the Avatar first. First appeared in "The Southern Air Temple." As seen in "The Storm", his hatred of Zuko goes back many years and the sadism he displayed at Zuko's marring is chilling. As of the episode "The Blue Spirit," this character was promoted to Admiral, indicating that the Fire Nation is taking the Avatar situation much more seriously." Baal dumped the files in the waste bin and turned to face the crowd. "What I want to know is what's with side burns? Seriously, Dude, do you cut them with a blunt lawn mower?

Baal introduced everyone except Aang.

"What about the Avatar?" Zuko demands from Lord Baal, who is lounging in his seat.

"What about him?" Baal drawls.

"How come you didn't say something nasty about him huh? Why is it always ME?

"The Avatar?" Baal throws a glance at Aang who perks up and eagerly awaits a question.

Baal smirks:

"Well…His overly large eyes distract me from any personality he might have."

Katara jumps up and slams her fist on the table, "You can't treat Aang like that! He is the Avatar. He is the master of all elements. He is the saviour of our world. Aang is a hero to us all."

"Count me out," grumbles Sokka. "No way" snaps Zuko. "That'll be the day." Scowls Zaho, "Zzz" snores Baal.

"SHUT UP." Katara screams and takes a deep breath. I know what is coming and hurry to cut her off.

"Please Katara, time is short. This next question is for you." Katara snaps her mouth shut and regards me sullenly. I'm stupid, even after sixteen episodes I don't recognize danger when its blue eyes are boring holes into me.

"Ok this is something fans every where are wondering. You have a yo yo affair with Aang, shared a romantic sunset with Haru, a tree top romance with Jet and the Stockholm syndrome with Zuko. Have you made up your mind yet?" I grin foxily while holding a 'VOTE ZUTARA' board behind my back. "So who's the lucky guy gonna be?"

Katara is still standing. She turns purple. She turns red. Then she does the four worst things that come into her head.


Slaps me.

Water whips me.

Freezes me to the chair.

And then the worst:

Starts monologing.

"Whoa whoa whoa" Baal holds up his hands and hurry to unstick me from my

Frozen-Throne. Katara stalks off to stare out of the French windows.

I crawl to the fireplace to thaw out, mindful not to get too close to the monster within.

After stabilizing my body temperature, I return to my seat at the head of the table and regard my audience.

Iroh is grinning while jabbing Zuko with his elbow. Zuko is sulking and Zaho is looking as if the defeat of Ba Sin Sei (or any equivalent of Christmas) had come early. Sokka on the other hand looked scandalized.

"Katara I'm sorry." I call out. "Er…the girls in my land are like really loose and really fast … I'm sorry for dishonoring you by assuming that you were like them."

The water bender walks over to her seat. "Apology accepted"

I smile at her and try to salvage what is left of my dignity. There's not much.

"Ok next question is out to our favorite banished Prince."

"Do you Have to remind me?" Zuko sneers.

Baal interjects, "Yes… as a matter of fact I feel like the entire drill. Zuko was banished two years ago because he was dishonored by refusing to fightin an Agni Kai. His father declared that he was a disgrace…"

Ozai smirks in his fiery throne.

"Silence you fool" roared Zuko racing towards Baal and threw a punch at him stopping inches from his face. Baal didn't even flinch.

"No Flames Zuko! The red pill, remember?" Baal laughs.

Zuko steps back for a moment and suddenly lunges at Baal tackling him out of his chair. Everyone stares as the two sixteen year olds have a very violent fistfight, which ends with Zuko breaking Baal's nose and both of them ending up near the door pulling at each other's hair.

I come over and pull them apart, Zuko throws me off saying, and "I don't need help from a peasant"

"Hey watch who you call peasant, you big bald head!" I retort.

"Who did you call bald!" Zuko takes a step towards me.

"Come Prince Zuko. Let's get this over with," Iroh said calmly.

"Yes, let's go on. No more fighting" Baal said coming back to his chair wiping his bloody nose. He throws an ugly look at Zuko, which is heartily returned.

"So Zhao, what do you plan to do when you get promoted again?" I ask politely as possible.

"When I get promoted I will continue serving the Fire Lord," Zhao said inflating his chest.

"Then what are these stories about you marrying Zula here" Baal points out Zula with a pencil, "and trying to kill Ozai so that you can rule the fire nation."

"What is this mutiny? I will never do such an atrocious thing!" Zaho said looking at Ozai who shifted slightly in his fireplace.

"Truth hurts doesn't it Zhao?" Baal smirks.

"You!" Zhao makes to stand up but Ozai's fire starts to burn brighter and everyone becomes quiet. I immediately take out a fire extinguisher.

"Ok, enough about Zhao. Sokka we have information from a reliable source that when you reach the North Pole you fall in love with a princess. Any comments?" everyone turns and stares at Zula, who goes red.

"No, no. Not her!" Baal shakes his head. "Sokka will fall for a royal girl but we don't know whom. What I want to know is, Sokka why the hell did you dump Suki?"

"I didn't…I…you…liar!" Sokka hollers in Baal's face. I see Baal take out a handkerchief and wipe his face off all the spit.

"I see that you are a fast case. By the end of the next book, maybe you'll have nine more girls," I say sharing a small grin with Katara.

Sokka tries to take out his boomerang but cannot find it.

"Looking for this?" Baal says holding up the boomerang.

"Give it to me!" Sokka shouts, again spitting all over Baal.

"How come you have so much spit?" Baal asks wiping his face with an increasingly soaked handkerchief.

Zhao grunts. The next thing happened so fast that I almost missed it. Baal shot across the table taking out a small knife and just as he reached Zhao, cuts out his side burns.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zhao screams, as his precious little hair flutters off into the fire. Baal dusts off his hands. "Man I hated those damn side burns."

Suddenly Zhao begins to glow and Katara and Zula's jaws drop on to the ebony table. Believe me, even I have to gasp. Zaho is actually good looking without the bushes on his face.

Sokka and Zuko cover their sisters' eyes. The spells is broken when Ozai suddenly starts to cough.

"What's wrong big guy?" Baal asks totally unconcerned.

"Hair! Hair!" Ozai cries clutching his throat.

I let the hacking subside.

"Ozai, next question is for you. What do you hide behind that ugly cheap veil of yours?" Baal smiles as he sees the fire rapidly increasing height.

"Do you want suffering to be your teacher?" Ozai says like a broken record.

"No actually Mr. Reilly is my teacher, and next to him suffering is nothing!"

Ozai breathes fire while trying to get up and knocks his head on the wall. He sits back down.

I step closer to the fireplace and I say, "Last question Mr. Ozai. Who is your wife? Where is she? Is she dead? Why do you hate Zuko?"

"That's not one question!" Ozai thunders.

"Yeah, but she asked it in one breath so technically it's still one question" Baal replies snottily.

"Mahhhhhhhhh! I don't have a wife. She's nowhere. She's dead. I don't know and don't care." Ozai answers the questions in the best way he can.

I watch Zuko's face as it resembles all the colors red, blue and green can turn into.

"Why don't you ask the Avatar questions?" Zuko asks angrily after a minute's silence.

"Well, he's too short. I only allow people who have their heads above the table to come into my boardroom. I made an exception today, to allow him to listen to our conversation. Oh and did I mention that I don't like midgets?" Baal concludes with a smirk.

Katara's face turns an ugly purple color.

"You better let your blood flow. I certainly don't want a death in my hands. The media will have a field day," Baal said flinging the pencil at her.

The result was instantaneous. I barely saw Katara jump across the table and bite Baal's ear.

"AHHHHHH! A cannibal!" Baal screams clutching his bleeding ear. He runs out of the room cursing about man-eating humans and rabid girls.

Silence ensures while Sokka edges away from Katara.

"Ok! Iroh I have to ask you. Will you ever get together with Jun?" I ask just as Baal comes back with a bandaged ear and a plastered nose.

"Ahhh, Jun…… I dream about the day we meet again every night" Iroh said his eyes glazing over.

"Ah, I see a person who's in love but can't get what he wants" Baal said giving a weary look at Katara.

"Yes thank you for that insight Baal" "Aang, do you think you can defeat the Fire Lord?" I said sweetly, feeling sorry for leaving the Avatar out of the conversation.

"I…I hope so" Aang said looking down.

"Who's speaking?" Baal suddenly sat up straight and looked around. "I heard a disembodied voice!"

"It's me!" Aang said poking his hand from under the table.

"Ahh! I see a hand without a body!" Baal recoiled in his chair, kicking Aang in the process.

"Ow!" Aang cried touching his foot.

"Leave HIM ALONE!" Katara shouted getting up and chasing Baal around the room, stopping only when Zuko put out his foot tripping Baal.

After they both punched the hell out of Baal, I heard him say, "Who ever said your, enemy's enemy is your friend?"

I gave a slight worried smile at Katara. Who gave me a glare and said, "If he touches him again I'll…I'll…"

"Yeah, yeah we get it," Baal said sitting down still rubbing his bruised body.

"Who wants the next question?" Baal asked looking at Zula but Aang put his hand up again. Baal made as if to say something insulting but he saw Katara's raised fist and decided against it.

"Ok, Aang let me ask you something, can you learn all the elements before the comet arrives?"

"Of course I can." Aang replied cheerfully. Baal slaps himself and tries to pull off his hair.

"Are- you- sure?" Baal asks.

"Ah…Ye…No" Aang answers sadly.

"Then why the hell do you take all these bloody detours? Why don't you bloody well go to the earth kingdom and learn bloody earth bending and then the fire nation and fire bending and finish this bloody story?" Baal exploded pointing his new pencil at Aang.

Aang cowered under the table. Katara and Sokka stood up, seeing the sign Baal got up and ran out of the room with Katara and Sokka at his heels.

Watching this, all the others in the room except me (of course) laughed beating their hands on the table.

"The Avatar doesn't know all the elements?" Zuko said pointing a long finger at Aang.

"The funny thing is the Avatar doesn't even know all the elements and still Zuko couldn't capture him!" Zaho shouted touching his non-existent sideburns. Zaho and Zula hit the floor with absolute mirth. Zuko looked livid.

"I am the Prince of the fire nation, you cannot disrespect me in that way!" Zuko shouted looking ready to kill.

"You are no longer the Prince of the fire nation, you are banished and will never be accepted, whether you capture the Avatar or not!" Ozai shouted from the other side of the room. "From what I see, you will never capture the Avatar!" Ozai let out a booming laugh.

Baal came running into the room and was just about to jump into his seat when Sokka and Katara jumped on him and started to scream in his ear.



"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! I'M LORD BAAL, I DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE!" Baal roared back. Katara took out her water pouch and stuffed it in Baal's mouth effectively ending the shouting match.

Zuko who had been glaring at Zaho for a long time, jumped on him and they started fighting.

Zula jumped on Katara and those two proceeded to tear each other's limbs out.

Sokka gave one look at Ozai, decided against it and jumped on Iroh instead.

Ozai watched the fight before him with an amused eye. Meanwhile I unstuck the water pouch from Baal's mouth and asked him what we should do.

Baal took out a loudspeaker and shouted into it so that sound waves bounced around the room cracking some of the windows.

"Stop this frigging fight NOW!"

Everyone stopped fighting and looked at Baal who was beside himself with rage.

"Everyone get out of my building immediately!" A stream of protests greeted this sentence.

"I was promised the Avatar!" Zaho shouted.

"I was promised my honor!" Zuko yelled.

"I was promised Ginseng tea!" Iroh pouted.

"I was…forced to come here!" Zula screamed.

"Fine! We'll leave" Katara and Sokka said shooting threatening looks at Baal.

"If Katara's going then I'm going," Aang said.

"If everyone's leaving then I'm stayin-" Ozai started to say when Baal cut him off.

"Don't even think about staying here buster!"

"One more question everyone before you go." I said cheerfully.

"Ahhh!" a collective groan came from the crowd.

I threw my final question at them hoping against hope that they will make something out of it.

"What would you do if life gave you lemons?"

"Screw it" Baal snarled striding to the door.

"Make lemon tea" Iroh replied.

"Squirt it in Zaho's eye!" Zuko said.

""Dude! Lemons? What the Hell?" Sokka cried. "Of all the things you could give me? Lemons? I mean come on? What were you thinking? Dammit! These stupid things are only like 3 for a copper at the grocery store. Hey, this one has a brown spot too. What is this? You're a cheap bastard. Giving me lemons for my birthday, hell, why not just give me a losing lottery ticket, or how 'bout some stupid ass shirt from your trip to Omashu. Hey, about Omashu, you invite Katara, but you didn't invite me? I thought we were mates? No! Don't try to say you're sorry. No, you had the chance, you obviously don't give a crap about me, maybe I should just crawl in a hole and die. Would you like that? Huh? You want to see me die? Yeah, I bet you would. You've never liked me since the day we met. Why not just say it? Don't you have the balls? You had the balls to give me these rotten-ass lemons, but you can't just say 'hey, I don't really like you'. What's your problem. Are you too good for me? Is that it? I don't fit in with your friends? Yeah, well you know what? &# you! Get the &# out of here. I hate you. Here, take your Lemons and get out! YOU NEVER LOVED ME!"

"Riii…iiight" I say taking five steps away from the foaming Sokka. "You have some issues. Ok What about you lot…" I redirect my query at the silent participants. "What would you do if life gave you lemons?"

"Make lemonade (without sugar) and pour it down your enemy's throat." Katara said giving a significant look at Baal who edged away.

"Give it to Appa or Momo?" Aang said uncertainly.

"Ah the lemony goodness!" Ozai snickered.

"Read the small print before you accept anything" Zula pouted.

"Poke it up your arse!" Zaho said angrily.

"Ok gentlemen and ladies you may leave" Baal shouted and he himself fled the office before Katara got her slimy hands on his neck again.


Hey hey guys. I know what you're thinking…that we have some serious anger management issues. Lol. That is sooooo not the case. (if you don't believe me, meet me out back…# cracks knuckles #)

Now don't feel bad about Baal dissing Katara. He's in denial. ( Boys!)

Anywayz we hope you enjoyed this cuz chapter two will be out soon.

Thanks a lot for reading.

Please review and tell us what you think,

La Femme & Lord Baal