Blasslila

-a fan fiction written by Meeko Melodie

Meeko: Wow! 8 reviews! That is friggin awesome! Thanks for all the comments! Now let's go to chapter two, shall we?

DISCLAIMER: Just no. Do not own Digimon. Yes.


Chapter Two: Conscience Lavender

'How did I lost control like that?' even now, after three years from that painful day, Ryo still asked himself the same question over and over again. He could blame no one but himself for the result of his sudden outburst – the result of loosing her. Her warmth had slipped through his fingers like fine sand. If it wasn't for his stupidity, there was a good chance that she might still be around, maybe not as how he had hoped, that might be too much to ask for, but the simple fact of her presence satisfied him all the same.

But because of what he did all those years back, just one mistake...

x – X – x

The urge was stronger than ever. However, no matter how fierce the force was, Ryo would never dream of hurting his wildcat in any way. He didn't know what was driving him at the moment; it could be his teenage raving hormones, or it could just be his inner desire. Whatever it was, he unconsciously, almost dazedly, leaned in, softly touching his lips to her slightly quivering ones.

For a long moment, he could feel her stiffness, still shock from the contact while he drew back, silently praying to God that she would forgive him, give him a chance, accept him, not push him away.

God didn't seem to be listening though.

Rika pushed him off roughly with the remaining strength she was still able to call upon and numbly caressed her lips with her finger. Her eyes shadowed upon realization.

As expressionless as ever, Rika stepped away from the tree, away from him; he could not deny the squeezing pain of his inside taking place at her reaction.

"What did you do that for?" although her voice was calm, Ryo couldn't say the same for her eyes; they were the color of a dark, violent purple right before a raging storm, ready to strike in any minute soon. He gulped uneasily.

"I..."

"You know what, Akiyama?" she interrupted him, staring right into his bright sea-hued eyes and anger bubbling to conceal her true emotions further inside, "something tells me I should be kicking your ass badly right about now."

"You wouldn't," he decided, but his words didn't sound that convincing even to himself.

"Wouldn't I?"

Silently, with only birds' chatters and hissing leaves as the background, Ryo timidly reached out. She shrunk away from his touch, backing quickly off to the side with her eerily calm eyes still staring with a kind of disbelief. Before Ryo could open his mouth, she had already taken off, her red highlights flowing behind her like a trail of angry flames.

Rooted to the ground, Ryo could only watch as her figure disappeared gradually into the crowds of the sidewalk. He sighed despite the fact that he was still alive and well after, somewhat forcefully on his part, kissing Rika Nonaka. He dropped to the earth on his knees and punched the rough soil with his fist; dry dirt scratched and left a few think traces of bloody lines.

"Damn it! Why the hell did I do that for?" he screamed his thoughts, "and now I've messed it up, big time!" No one had ever witnessed the Legendary Tamer mentally torturing himself with these questions. And if you told people that you had, especially to his mob of fan girls, they would probably chase you down with their torches and other attainable, possible murder objects, and not believed a word you said.

But this was the reality we were talking about here.

x – X – x

She needed to get away from him, fast. Rika ran like she had never run before in her life while bumping blindly into people and not really caring at this particular moment. She took no heed as to where her destination might be and once again, she didn't give a crap. People around her were either staring at this strangely-behaving teenager or just voiced out their opinion in rushed whispers but one thing they didn't know was that they had no idea who they were murmuring about.

And they should be thankful for that.

'Why won't they mind their own business?' she thought angrily as she stormed past these said pedestrians. Unable to stand it a second longer for fear she would go insane and started resolve to violence, she hastily stepped into a bus, not even bothering where the hell this bus would be bringing her to. That was the least of her problem, right now.

Somewhat relieved by the muffed silence, Rika breathed in more easily as she had been seconds ago and walked towards the back of the bus until she reached the last row of seats. As if she was doing this out of a habit when really, she barely rode the bus given any day she looked casually out through the back window.

'He didn't even chase me down,' she told herself firmly, making sure her inner self deadly understood the situation. She sat on the blue, not-too-comfortable plastic seat, and drew her legs up, hugging her knees to her chest. It was a difficult task, given the fact that these seats were not particularly big, but she managed. Strangely, this position gave Rika the most comfort; she buried her head in her arms, her fiery locks tumbled over her shoulders with the action.

'This way,' she heard the young voice of herself spoke so many years ago, 'nothing would be able to hurt me, not even when the sky is falling.' A syllable of bitter laugh escaped from her throat; this encouraged her to laugh even more. Well, scorn would be more like it. It was all a blur in Rika's head as she heard the unfamiliar laughter streaming out from her mouth, muffled by her arms.

It sounded so cold, so hollow and empty that even Rika was surprised that she was the source of that horrible sound. She seized it at once, hands clasping her ears. The bus jerked forward.

'What is wrong with me?' she wanted to know, squeezing her eyes tight.

'I'm feeling this way, feeling like shit, because of him,' Rika couldn't quite believe what she was trying to achieve through this self talk. Right now, only one name reined her aching mind, 'Ryo Akiyama. What have you done to me?' Haunting visions of his mesmerizing sky blue orbs, his infamous grins and his voice, his deep, velvet voice that caught her heart off guard every time she less expected it now claimed her brain. Oh, how she wished she could just tear away these images like loose-leave papers and discard them in a garbage can. Then, her life might be a bit easier than this.

'Rika Nonaka, stop this right now!' she ordered herself, 'it's no use thinking these stupid thoughts. It's not going to help me.' Her brain seemed to obey the inner voice and instantly shut off the useless thoughts. The bus stopped again, and a few teenagers stepped in triumphantly as if they owned it; Rika didn't even notice, let alone care.

Once again raising her head from her arms, she opened her emotionless violet orbs with all of her struggling feelings bounded tightly within herself. Torpidly, she traced her lower lip hesitantly with the tip of her finger, skin crawling as she unwillingly relieved that kiss in her mind.

'Ryo Akiyama kissed me...' And she had liked it?

'Snap out of it!' she shouted into her head in alarm.

'I do not like Akiyama. I do not like him!' she kept repeating this in her mind like a chant, 'I can't fall in love with Akiyama. Shit! What am I saying? I'm not in love with that son of a bitch who just took advantage of me! That bastard... I hate him. I hate Ryo Akiyama!' That was what she had decided; denied would be a better word for it. But did it matter?

Either way, Rika was not going to let anyone, including herself, be fooled again. Or was she fooling herself? Why did these questions kept coming up at a time like this?

"Damn it," she muttered quietly, her fingers rubbing her sore temples.

'Give it up already, Nonaka,' a slightly amused voice told her, and she froze. But a short second later, she was in an annoyed mode again, annoyed that her conscience just had to wake up at the very moment when she really didn't fell up to it.

Well, when was she ever up to talking to herself anyways? Basically, the answer would be 'never'. Because in Rika's encyclopedia, only nut cases would talk to themselves, or their consciences, or alter egos, or was that... 'Oh, who gives a shit?' and that solved the problem.

'What is this?' Rika's pissed side voiced out her suspicion, apparently ticked off by the easiness of the other half part of herself. She didn't really want to go on with this; it all seemed so... well, weird, talking to yourself like that. That would probably be like talking to your reflection of the mirror or something.

Okay, getting back on topic here.

'You know damn well what I'm talking about,' she said, 'or are you really that dense? That would really explain...'

'Shut the hell up,' she charged. Lately, this... conscience of hers kept popping up for a visit every time... well, every time her thoughts revolved around him, which was whenever, wherever (Hey, isn't that a song? 'Whenever, wherever'?) . So, there she was, sitting at the back of the bus, her eyes a blank, glazed violet while she was having the battle of her life inside her head. This was just plain scary.

'Just face the truth,' she was being demanded.

The truth.

This word echoed invisibly in her ringing ears; his breathy tone, the passion, the pain of disappointment all winded up and spiraled into this stranger's voice.

"This is the truth, Rika," it was all happening in her head again, "the fucking truth."

She shivered without much noticing as if she felt his hot breathes exhaling, warming her tingling skin. But that was impossible. Her conscience was muted once more, leaving Rika alone to cope with her miserable thoughts. Well, that was just fine with her.

Who did she need anyway?

'Nobody. I don't need anyone.'


Meeko: Yes, long and boring, I know. It'll get better, I promise! But I can't promise fluff in the future 2-3 chapters though, so bear with me! Your comments! Thanks!