Chapter 4 Constitutional Ballet Rats

My favourite so far, I just love Dennis! And the 37 joke (I'm not old!)

Erik's Vampire: No I havent! I dont think it's even been performed here yet...wait it might have been but I missed it (missed Queen and the Producers too! Grr!) I actually have never seen Hugh Parano, but I knew he'd played Erik so I just pulled him out.

Phantom'sJediBandieGirl: I Love John Cleese, he's brilliant, i'm trying to Phantomize the jokes, it's hard for some bits but I am trying (I need to watch the movie again but I loaned it to my friend)

Reltistic: I love your songs! They are brilliant truly! I am just a lazy idiot who is overworked. Eep! I'm gonna be late!

cookies-will-invade: I just read Phantom when Christine gets jealous of Ayesha and it so reminded me of your phic! Yes, still desperate to see it though Tim Curry will always be Long John Silver from Muppet Treasure Island to me (used to have the hugest crush on him in that) All for one Slightly less for people we dont like and a little bit more for me...

Vanessa: I miss Reeses! I was the only person in my family who ate them, tell Gerry he'll get over it, just wait till we get to Castle Anthrax

Erik for President: You shall be the head keeper of the sacred words Squee! Gerry and Squee-glomp!

The Next Christine: I'm so klutzy I fell of a Merry go round. How do you fall off a merrygoround?

Cap'n Meg: That sounds like a very successful car ride, Erik would be proud, I certainly am!

Mominator: Fop fop fop fop girlyman fop! Girly Man fop! Does that work?

Octopus Knight: I do love your name, it's just damn cool! Yes they are the peasants, as you will soon find out...

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur sees a lone figure dragging a cart as he and Christie clop along the road, "Old woman!"

"Rat!" the harsh cry is thrown back at the royal parade.

"Rat, sorry." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur apologizes, "What knight lives in that castle over there?"

"I'm thirty-seven." The insulted reply is tossed back over one rag clad shoulder.

"What?" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur asks in puzzlement.

"I'm thirty-seven" the pile of rags protests, "I'm not old!"

"Well, I can't just call you Rat'." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur argues.

"Well, you could say Meg'." Meg snaps

"Well, I didn't know you were called Meg.'" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur protests his innocence.

"Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?" Meg snipes in reply

"I did say sorry about the old woman,' but from the behind you looked-"

Meg drops her cart and turns on the cloaked king, "What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!" she howls.

"Well, I AM Phantom..." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur trails off proudly.

"Oh Phantom, eh, very nice." Meg replies in a tone dripping with sarcasm "An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the managers -- by 'angin' on to our outdated imperialist dogma and strangling anyone who gets in your way, which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress-"

Little Jammes looks up from her seat down by the side of the road, "Meg! There's some lovely filth down here." She spies King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur, "Oh – how d'you do?"

"How do you do, good lady." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur acknowledges her, "I am King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur, Phantom of the Opera's. Whose castle is that?"

Little Jammes stares, "Phantom of the who?"

"The Opera's." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur replies in a tone that says duh, how can you not know?

"Who are the Opera's?" Little Jammes asks

"Well, we all are." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur raises an encompassing arm, "We're all Opera's and I am your Phantom."

"I didn't know we had a Phantom." Little Jammes states, "I thought we were an autonomous collective."

"You're fooling yourself." Meg sits beside her and starts sorting through filth, "We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the dancing classes—"

"Oh there you go," Little Jammes rolls her eyes, "Bringing class into it again."

"That's what it's all about" Meg argues, "if only people would—"

"Please, please good people. I am in haste." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur interrupts, "Who lives in that castle?"

"No one live there." Little Jammes sniffs disdainfully,

"Then who is your Ghost?" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur demands

"We don't have a Ghost." Little Jammes shrugs


"I told you." Meg reminds him, "We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the masses,"

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur nods in understanding, wishing to hurry this along, "Yes."

Meg continues, "But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting."

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur does the impatient I-need-to-keep-moving-will-you-hurry-up-where's-the-bathroom jig, "Yes, I see."

Meg ignores this hastening, enjoying her power of speech, "By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,"

"Be quiet!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur has had enough, but Meg keeps going,

"-but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more-"

"Be quiet!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur roars, "I order you to be quiet!"

Little Jammes looks up from her mud, "Order, eh?" she asks, "who does he think he is?"

"I am your Phantom!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur practically cries.

"Well, I didn't vote for you." Little Jammes shrugs and turns back to her mud.

"You don't vote for Ghosts." King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur snorts derisively.

"Well, 'ow did you become Phantom then?" Little Jammes asks

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur straightens proudly, and raises an arm, "The Nightingale of the Rose, (angels sing) it's wing clad in the purest shimmering feathers, held aloft a musical score from the bosom of the rose petals signifying by Divine Providence that I, King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur, was to sing Music of the Night. (singing stops) That is why I am your Phantom!"

"Listen" Meg begins in a lecturing tone, "Strange birds bleeding on flowers distributing show tunes is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical harmonious ceremony."

"Be quiet!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur snaps,

"Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some bloody hen threw a song at you!" Meg protests,

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur starts to turn red beneath his mask, "Shut up!"

Meg ignores him and continues, "I mean, if I went around sayin' I was a Phantom just because some wounded canary had lobbed a composition at me they'd put me away!"

"Shut up!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur shouts, he reaches down and hauls up the unfortunate Meg and begins to shake her, "Will you shut up!"

"Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system." Meg cries triumphantly,

King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur gets violent, "Shut up!"

"Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!" Meg wails and thrashes, "HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!"

"Bloody Ballet Rat!" King-Erik-Leroux-Arthur growls, pushing the unfortunate Meg away.

"Oh, what a give away." She cries to other rats that are coming up to help her, "Did you hear that, did you hear that, eh?" she demands, "That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?"

Help Help I'm being repressed! Review please? Come on! I need the inspiration