This was sitting on my computer for quite some may or may not be a one-shot, and I do apologize to my lovely readers for not updating my other VH fics (especially Feature Commentary 3)...I've been really busy. Someday...
The moon was full and bright, and the stars glittered softly in a velvet sky. Transylvania was sleeping beneath the vast heavens, but all was not quiet in the village of (insert ridiculously fake Transylvanian village name here).

In the shadows of a conveniently located alleyway, a young woman was walking. Naturally, she was by herself, and she was the most beautiful girl anyone could imagine, with flowing tresses of auburn hair and eyes of blue-green-turquoise that shimmered with tiny flecks of gold. She was wearing, most impractically, stiletto heels and an outfit that left very little to the imagination. She had a fragile beauty that appeared very helpless, but at the same time there was an aura of danger about her that seemed to follow her wherever she went...well, naturally...

Of course, the author—as most authors do—felt that it was necessary to describe with great detail the flowing blouse and corset that looked exactly like the one Anna Valerious wore in the movie, only with more silver because naturally this girl was far more beautiful than Anna, who didn't deserve Van Helsing anyway even though she did save nine generations of her family from Purgatory and...

Ahem. Anyway, we will continue with our discussion of the young woman who just happened to be walking, apparently weaponless, down a dark snow-filled alley (did we mention that she was wearing a flowing and extremely thin shirt in winter?) at exactly midnight in a remote village in Transylvania—she knew that it was exactly midnight because the tiny chapel could afford a ginormous bell that rang loudly enough to—haha—wake the dead.

This girl's name was Katrina, since this is one of the most common names in the Van Helsing fandom and because the author wrote this at one in the morning (and consequently could not think of any sufficiently girly-yet-kick-hiney names).

Now introduced, we must know that Katrina was an orphan since the age of five, and that she never knew her father. Of course, she taught herself to fight and defended herself against all the monsters of Transylvania (since no one offered to take her in even though that's what normally happens). One wonders what her "real" job was, and where she managed to buy stiletto boots in Transylvania.

A shadow appeared at the end of the alley, and Katrina pulled a dagger from a "hidden" sheath attached to one boot. Her exquisite blue-green eyes narrowed as she watched the shadow move toward her. Suddenly, it disappeared, and as she backed away slowly she found herself up against something solid. Two arms snaked around her waist from behind.

"Good evening, my dear," said a voice that was so entrancing that Katrina forgot all her warrior training and relaxed against the chest of Dracula, the hottest man in the entire world. Her ample bosom heav—no. No no no. The author has decided that she will go drink some coffee now.

For some unknown reason, Katrina suddenly decided that she had to switch into warrior mode, and she broke free of Dracula's embrace. Completely out of character, the Son of the Devil had a look of hurt in his eyes as he watched the dazzling beauty back away, dagger in hand.

"Do not fear me, Katrina," Dracula said softly, and his mouth turned up in a smile.

"I do not, Count," Katrina replied coldly, but already his charm was beginning to work its magic upon her. Dracula smiled at the look in her eyes.

"Come, come, my dear. Do not toy with me."

"I am not toying."

"I am immortal; you cannot kill me."

"Oh, can't I?"

This type of dialogue would have gone on, but Dracula stepped backward and put his hands up. Katrina looked at him, surprised, before turning and running the other way, miraculously not tripping in the deep snow with her stilettos. Dracula watched her go, a smirk spreading over his face. "Soon you will be mine..."

You can flame this if you want...I really did write it at one in the morning and it just makes me laugh, so whatever you think...I'll be watching my inbox!