By now you probably know of the existence of 'Loonatics Unleashed!' on KidsWB. While I'm sure we're all in agreement that this show should have been left in the envelope the crazed fanfic writer mailed it in, I say that the show has/had potential.
After an inspiring read-thru of Jetdude's fic, "Loonatics: Unleashed", and a few episodes of the show, I thought I'd try to see if I could make a more…interesting version. Or maybe just give a clearer timeline. The graphic novel "Three Fingers" also inspired me, which is a parody of Mickey Mouse's glory years
Now, the show infers that the Loonatics are the descendants of the original Classic Looney Tunes. That means Acmetropolis is actually Earth. There's an 800+ year time difference between the 2. A big honkin' meteor gave them their extra-abilities. They live in a big glowing Hamsterball under the employment of an aging, duck-hating drag queen named Zadovia. Lola cannot technically be considered a Looney Tune as she never starred in a Loony Tune cartoon! We clear? Good. Let's begin.
Detractors: It could be worse! Imagine 'Loonatics Unleashed!' starring the Warner Brothers and their sister Dot!
Yakko: "I'm Yakko!"
Wakko: "I'm Wakko!"
Dot: "And I'm…GONNA KICK YER PANSY $$ THREE WAYS TO SUNDAY!"
Yakko: "Iiiii….don't think that's gonna get past the censors."
Dot: "Oh well. Standard disclaimers apply, you lucky people, you!"
Generally implies a thought
Generally implies emphasis, as .txt files usually drain it all away…
REVISION! I lengthened it. How d'ya like me now? And how did I become the 1st fic in the LU category!
RE-REVISION! Felt bad, added Lola's story. Forgot about Taz. Added him too. Sorry, Taz-fans!
The Future Is Wild!
By Nefertanya dragongurl AhhotepChapter 0: From the Past, the Seeds of the Future
The year is 1933. The third planet from the sun is still Earth, but it is not the one we know. Instead, it is the beloved little mudball of a dimension parallel to our own. Here, the dominant life form is still homo sapiens, but they are not alone. Several species of mammalians have also achieved sentience (and an opposable thumb).
However, these anthro sapiens, better known as 'toons', are considered a type of second-class citizens, despite having full civil rights in the eyes of the law. Well-paying, respectable employment often eludes them, and housing ghettos, called "Toontowns", can be found on the outskirts of all major cities.
But this world also has it's own Hollywood, and thus, it's own tawdry beacon of hope. And, like in our own dimension, legendary stars can be born from the darkest pits of despair. Stars like Marlene Dietrich, James Dean, Clara Bow, and Judy Garland. Even a toon is not immune to this serendipitous magic. But, most toons have historically been given poor roles, such as 'Non-Speaking Farm Animal #12' or 'Non-Speaking Beloved Pet' (referred to as 'No-Nos' by actors and agents). Toons with extraordinary talent withered and broke under the dictatorial thumb of the studio executives. But some independent directors who catered to small budgets but big dreams eagerly employed toons into character roles, because they would work for peanuts (or carrots, bird feed, or a steak).
Bugsy 'Bugs' Bunny was one of those lucky few, an anthro sapien from Brooklyn's poorest ghettos, destined to leave an indelible mark in the development of toon acceptance. Born in a naturally large family, he started working in entertainment almost as soon as he could hop: earning a dime a day working in a carnival booth. His job? To avoid the BB pellets children and adults would shoot at him and his 'co-hoppers' to earn a cheap cigar or a stick of candy. Bugs quickly learned harassing the customer would earn laughs from the by-standers. Eventually, he was fired when one man nearly destroyed the booth after one too many bald jokes.
Bugs struck out for the west when a cousin outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico offered him a job as a tunnel digger. After accidentally making a right instead of a left, he ended up on the outskirts of Los Angeles. Dazzled by the grandiose Sunset boulevard and Rodeo Drive, he vowed then and there he would be a star.
After securing an agent, an apartment, and a doctored-up resume (in that order), his first role was, of course, a No-No. Bugs was to play a defenseless rabbit in a hunting safety film. Angered by the numerous instances of racial ignorance ("rabbits are easily ensnared into the simplest of traps due to a lack of intellect brought on by over-sexualization"), Bugs ruined take after take with bawdy yet hysterical commentary. The director, Fritz Frelong, was a toon actor's dream come true. He had enough power in the movie world to influence the executives, but was still independently minded enough to know talent when he saw it, no matter what shape it came in.
Fritz immediately told his writers and Bugs to create a new script razzing the hunting industry. A new hunter was cast, an unknown by the name of Elmer J. Fudd. The short film was a hit! Bugs' uneducated 'moidering' of proper English, his sense of comic timing and underdog status endeared himself to the conservative public.
Soon, more and more studios began creating separate toon studios to make short comedy films to premier before the bigger-budgeted human-led films. With his increasing popularity and success, Bugs helped pave the way for other toon breakouts, such as Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and the destructive duo of Tom & Jerry.
Bugs lived a long prosperous life-longer than most of his kind (to which he credited "to carrots and goils!"), having never been married but having several long-time girlfriends. Rumors of offspring ran thru the tabloids, but no one ever came forward to claim the role of a lifetime: Bugs Bunny's one true kit.
Daffy Duck was one of the stars that got to shine in thanks in part to Bugs' popularity. Daffy was hatched in a Floridian marshland to a family with ideas bigger than their pocketbooks. That never stopped his parents, however. They lived the dream, keeping up appearances until repo men came and took everything away and the state declared them bankrupt and appointed them a financial guardian. Publicly ashamed, Daffy grabbed onto as much money as he could and bought a one-way ticket as far away as he could go.
Daffy and Bugs found each other when director Chuck Jones needed a character actor. Daffy got the role simply because he stalked everyone from the gaffer to the head writer, expounding his superior acting abilities. In reality, he'd never had a lesson in his entire life. During the entire shoot, Daffy tried his best to overshadow his co-workers and nearly got canned. Bugs saved his career, they say, with an incriminating photo of Jones and a buxom showgirl. Though never proven, Daffy did get to finish the shoot.
Bugs got a real kick out of riling up Daffy, both on and off set. Daffy, on the other hand, enjoyed the chance to try to steal the spotlight, even if he singed a feather or two in the process . The scriptwriters pounced on this rivalry (often to the duck's chagrin), creating comic gold. Despite the constant needling, the rabbit and duck became great friends.
Daffy had a couple of short-lived marriages to younger rising starlets, one of which resulted in a son who chose to work in government, a choice that fractured their relationship. Despite Bugs' best efforts, they never reconciled.
The Tazmanian Devil, or Taz as he was only known, was an 'extra' Warner Brothers accidentally acquired in the buyout of a rival independent studio. Ill-tempered and even iller mannered, he was left locked in a large steel cage with a small barred window. Day and night he could be heard in the lonely storage room raving like a rabid beast, the ground vibrating as the cage bounced around during his frequent tantrums. It was all the security guard could do to muster the courage to feed him.
And it would've stayed that way if not for a certain little black duck.
In yet another futile attempt to upstage the rabbit, Daffy managed to 'toss' a wrecking ball into the storeroom where Taz was kept. The ball's momentum damaged the sturdy hinges on the beast's cage. A few trademark body slams and Taz found himself free for the first time in a long time. Immediately, Taz began terrorizing the studio back lots, sending crew members intro a panic and high strung actors to their trailers for a quick 'session' with their agents.
Forming a plan that used Daffy as bait, Bugs and a few brave stagehands finally trapped him into a closed set. The set just happened to be for a horror flick, consisting of a mirrored operating room strewn with fake bodies, fake blood, and metal pointy objects. Frightened and confused by the sudden turn of events, Taz ranted, raved, twirled, drooled, and finally began sobbing and sucking his thumb.
Claiming he simply couldn't stand to see a grown-man cry, the rabbit pitied the creature and begged off Taz's execution by the suddenly recovered security team. Thus, Taz's obedience training began. Realizing that the devil was of a (very) low IQ and therefore easily manipulated, Bugs' developed a few simple strategies, like occasionally importing a fake female devil, to throw off his train of thought and prevent another rampage. The directors gave him simple instructions, never planning too far ahead or asking for too much mental dexterity. The writers never bothered with his lines until the scene came up.
The audience was none the wiser, simply accepting Tax as the long-haired trickster's newest foil. When it was decided he was too old, he was returned to Australia with the presumption he would help control the explosive rabbit population. Instead, he simply stared at them, as if waiting for one of them to give him his cue…
Toon acceptance spilled over into the world of academics with the inclusion of Wile E. Coyote in the atomic and space programs in post-WWII America. Wile E. was born and raised in the American desert not too far outside of California, in a tiny little pueblo.
He demonstrated a keen intellect and a penchant for complex mechanic when he was but a mere cub, building a water pump/automated adobe processing plant for his community (The pump worked for several decades. The adobe plant sadly dried up in the first few hours in the desert sun and became a very nice place for teen coyotes to howl at the moon together). Realizing that to stay in the tiny village would result in a dead-end life, he applied to MIT with a cleverly completed application. Naturally, the Alumni were horrified they'd allowed a 'lower life' form into the prestigious school, even if by accident. But Wile E.'s application had been carefully worded to be accurate yet completely masking, and state law forced them to comply. Thus, Wile became the first ever toon ever to graduate from something beyond high school.
While receiving his masters, he was pulled aside and asked by several secretive gentlemen to accompany them. They were, as it turned out, members of the CIA. Wile E. intellectual record had been well documented, and he was 'encouraged' to return to the desert to assist in the still top-secret atomic projects of NASA and the Atomic Energy Commission. In return, the he'd receive a healthy salary, and the government would pay off his tuition bill.
Unfortunately, his exact contributions are cloaked in miles of red tape. It is known, however, Wile E. remained in government service till his retirement in the early seventies after lengthy battles over the safety of nuclear energies. Settling a few dozen miles away from his birthplace, he married and had a small litter of cubs. Getting on in years, he turned back to building fantastical creations. Many were, strangely, one-person flight apparatus', even though it was known the coyote had a strong fear of heights. One can only wonder what he could have been thinking.
Acceptance also spilled over into the world of sports with the arrival of gold medallist track star Road Runner in the mid-seventies. This desert-dwelling breed was largely ignored due to perceived lack of intelligence, mainly due their monosyllabic language, non-humanized form, solitary existence, and incessant need to run those long deserted roads.
Road Runner was typical in those respects, growing up in the Mojave regions, outwitting the animals that wanted him for food and the truck drivers who regarded his kind as 'sport'. As luck would have it, it was avoiding one such driver that led him to Foghorn Leghorn, former coach for the US Olympic teams. The bawdy, hotheaded, arrogant rooster from Arkansas was well known in the sports world as making…unusual choices. He had forsaken coaching the one and only Muhammad Ali in favor of a backwoods Mexican boxer named 'Rodney the Rooster'.
But Foghorn knew what he liked and liked what he saw. He bet everyone in the diner that would listen that he had found 'The Big One', America's next darling of the sports world. Before the poor little runner knew to blink, he'd been signed into a 5-year contract.
But to a roadrunner, to run is to exist and to exist is to run, and so our Road Runner blithely accepted this new twist in his young life. Soon, stories bordering on legend spilled from the desert like a flash flood about the 'Purple Bullet' that outran anything put against him (some of the more humorous included the wild misadventures of an aging coyote using everything from roller skates to atomic jet packs to catch the feathered fellow).
As such, the air was charged with electricity when the Summer Olympics returned to Melbourne, Australia. As promised by his coach, Road Runner cleaned up in every race (even the relay!). America was ecstatic! The image of the lowly roadrunner was stylized and emblazoned on everything from erasers and socks to hood ornaments for the finest sports cars. Foghorn Leghorn made a fortune, selling interviews, public appearances, and doing anything else he could make money on. Road Runner, sadly, made little or nothing from all the publicity. It was believed that the joy of competition and some birdseed was all he wanted, since no one bothered to learn his language.
Foghorn pushed his young star, entering him in any race that would let him in. But after only 2 years, he was forced to retire after when not even his own kind would compete against him. Foghorn then turned his eye on technology, offering races against racecars and trains. One race against a bullet train badly injured the little bird when an electrical wire came loose from the rail and shorted.
Road Runner had had enough. With time still on his contract, he slipped away into the Mojave Desert, never to be heard from again. He is still the fastest Olympic athlete the world has ever seen, and future generations of roadrunners bow their heads in reverence when the topic of conversation turn towards the great 'Purple Bullet'.
Lola Bunny started life as a farmer's daughter, growing up in a cloistered midwestern town in the eighties. Her family was unusual because her mother suffered from uterine problems, and so consisted of Lola and two young brothers. Her father was rarely seen as he struggled to keep their over-sized farm out of the hands of Acme Bank. Lola's parents had counted on a large family to help out when they had bought the place, and so Mrs. Bunny's health problems (and a bad case of fungal rot) resulted in extended loans and second mortgages to pay for extra hands. Farmer and Mrs. Bunny made sure their children never went hungry, had nice clothes and a solid education, and there was always a nice thing or two under the Christmas tree for each of them. Lola grew up constantly hearing from her mother that modern girls could do anything with a good education and a coy smile, and early responsibilities such as baby-sitting and farm work gave her a strong work ethic and a penchant for an active sports-oriented lifestyle.
One day a young boyfriend gave sixteen-year-old Lola a flyer for a one-shot contest in Chicago with a grand prize of $100,000. She immediately took every free moment of her day to practice her own techniques, much to the boyfriend's annoyance, who had simply wanted a…cheerleader. Her parents bought her a single bus ticket, made her promise to call from every other pay phone, and tearfully gave her a proud sendoff from the station.
On the night of the contest, she was as primed as she could be. When her turn approached, she put everything she had into that free throw she could. She missed the throw by a fraction of an inch. But she did, however, impress the head coach of Illinois University. He promised that if she kept practicing and came back to make the same shot when she was eighteen, she'd get in on a basketball scholarship. Naturally, she did.
During her four year turn at college life, Lola became the 'kid to watch' as her team had several banner years. She made sure all her teammates knew she wasn't some backwoods hick by making the dean's list as well as being an enthusiastic fundraiser and eventual MVP. With her skill and agilty, the Illinois' women's basketball team reached the finals three years in a row.
But the ride on a shooting star isn't always a smooth one. In her final year, during a particularly intense match, Lola was knocked into the courtside seats by, most humiliatingly, a jealous teammate. The girl was suspended, but Lola's shoulder was seriously damaged. Forced out of the rest of the season, she took to spending lonely nights rehabilitating her psyche and her shoulder in empty courts. She cheered from the sidelines and tried to inspire her broken and suspicious team, but they never made it to the final preliminaries. She graduated with honors later that year, but sadly her former injury gave a toon-phobic, chauvinistic sports world the excuse it needed to deny her a rightful chance at going pro.
Lola luckily always possessed charm and wit and genuine warmth, and those who had been her friends before now came to her aid. Her former coach installed her as a talent scout for the University, and many diamonds broke out of the rough thanks to her. Teammates who either went pro and made money or else 'retired' and married money invited her to glitzy parties. It was at one of these where she became romantically linked for a while with Hollywood icon Bugs Bunny, fifty years her senior!
Toons began moving out of the segregated 'Toontowns' and into apartments left behind as city dwellers moved into the suburbs. Better jobs and more education meant a stronger economic base, lower taxes and longer, healthier lifespans. Thus, a new Golden Age of Toons was born. But could it last?
Of all the anthro sapiens, bird types were the last to evolve. Of those that did, gregarious, heavily contacted species (duck, chicken) achieved the 'ideal' body type-upright posture, vocal chords, and finger specializations, much faster and earlier than those that led solitary lives away from human gathering places (road runners, vultures
Obviously it's a crime to kill any anthro sapien. But naturally, there are other branches of non-anthro versions of creatures about, such as cattle, turkeys, etc.
Obviously, I'm taking some liberties. Ok, a lot of liberties. But I'm trying to make a world here! Heck, a dimension, really! I don't even really know at this point how much of this is going to matter later on in the story, but at least we have background, which is more than the producers of LU ever gave us (I read that Florence Henderson is going to be a voice on the show! Ack! Carol Brady?). I wanted to be different-not everyone could be a famous movie star. So, how was this? Too melodramatic? Too wordy? Not wordy enuff? Feel free to positively critique (no, that doesn't just mean 'nice job!'). And feel free to lambast the show, but say something about the fic too, please!