ANOTHER PUBLIC BRAWL
This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.
Here is the last of the original chapter-openings, inspired by HermioneGranger91. Thanks to all my reviewers.
Warning: HBP Spoilers.
"Tell me more." Rita shook her Quick-Quotes Quill to loosen the ink. It had been malfunctioning recently. Maybe she needed to try those new Weasley models, guaranteed never to spatter or splatter or splutter or splotch. "Is it true that famed recluse and war-hero, Severus Snape, head of fast-growing Potions company, Snape Enterprises, and, of course, your wife's employer, is here at your wedding under cover of Polyjuice?"
Ron's hand clenched around his fifth glass of Ogdens.
"How did you? Er, no, no, not at all," he said unconvincingly. "Where did you get such a ridiculous –"
"And the reason for his disguise is to avoid another public brawl with war-hero, Auror and candidate for Minister of Magic, Harry Potter?" She gave the quill another shake. "I understand the one at your wife's award ceremony for her joint-mastery of Potions and Charms left thirteen people in the Spell Damage Ward at St Mungo's?"
"Well, they never did like – Of course not. As if Harry can't restrain – Well, no one was permanently injured!" Ron protested, taking another swig. "They've all been out for months!"
"Ah yes, that was three and a half years ago, was it not?" Rita smiled sweetly. "My sources say he was the fat moustachioed gent in the Hawaian shirt, who left twenty minutes ago?"
Ron laughed with relief.
"As if Snape would ever wear a Hawaian shirt! That was just Tonks, providing a diversi – Er, I mean, nonsense, nonsense. He hasn't been here at all –"
He gave his glass a slightly cross-eyed glare, then glanced at his interrogator and back at his glass. He put it down and began backing away, eyes darting from side to side.
"Er, well, yes, this has been a very pleasant chat, I'm sure. Er, you won't print any of that, will you? I mean –" He blenched and fell silent as his wife appeared by his side.
"Rita Skeeter, what a pleasant surprise!" Hermione gave a white-toothed smile. "You must let me tell you about my boss's latest product. The main ingredient is ground beetle wings – Oh, I'm sorry. Must you be going already? Do come and visit at Snape Enterprises, won't you? You'll always be welcome –"
The End? Not if you hate a Ron-Hermione ending. This extra is for the SSHG romanticists:
"Brilliant acting," Hermione whispered, kissing her husband. "You fooled everyone. Ron and Narcissa owled; they're in Paris."