A/N: Hi! This is my first time posting here so don't be too cruel! Oh and Harry Hermione and Ron cannot be killed!
Disclaimer: Yeah I don't own Harry Potter, any of it's characters, blah blah blah. That privilege belongs to JK Rowling.
Summary: Just random killings happening on Hogwarts grounds without anyone really caring that the person dies. Submit who you would like to see die and I'll come up with a chappie for them:)
Chapter 1: Severus Snape, we hated him the most.
So on one of our favourite trios outing to visit the gamekeeper, Hagrid, Harry saw something in the Forbidden Forest.
Harry: Hey, you guys, I think I see something in the forest.
Hermione: Come off it Harry, it's probably just a Centaur or a spider.
At the mention of 'spider' Ron jumped a few feet in the air and did his squeaky voice thingy.
Ron: H-h-hermione! D-don't say that name!
Harry and Hermione were laughing at Ron's high squeaky voice, and Harry decided to add to his own amusement and Ron's torture.
Harry: Don't say what Ron? Spiders? Or maybe even………….VOLDERMORT!
Ron: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!
While Harry and Hermione were having a good laugh at Ron's expense, Harry spotted something move just from within the Forest
Harry: You guys I see it again! Look right there! (he pointed to the spot where the thing had been, but it was gone) I swear it was there!
Hermione: Harry, have you forgotten to take your medication today?
Harry: Ummmm………maybe. (with that he fished out 2 Flinstones Chewable Vitamins, popped them into his mouth, and smiled at Hermione in a very unusual manner) You're pretty!
Harry made to reach for Hermione's hair, and he stroked it several times while saying "pretty" Hermione backed away from Harry, very disturbed, but made to figure out if Harry was crazy or not.
Hermione: LUMOS MAXIMA!
Suddenly Hermione's wand gave the most brilliant flash of light. The light was so hot, that it turned her wand white-hot (but surprisingly it did not break into a thousand splinters)
Voice: Accio Wand!
With that Hermione's white-hot wand flew from her hands to none other than Snape's. But just as Snape was about to grab hermione's wand, Crookshanks jumped up and bit Snape's greasy hand (yes he has greasy hands) so that the white-hot wand landed in his nostril!
Snape: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE BURNING! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! THE CAT! GET CAT OFF ME! GRANGER! POTTER! WEASLEY!
Hermione made to grab Crookshanks off Snape, and Ron and Harry stood there with amused looks on their faces. Harry made to help Snape after a moment, but ended up stabbing the wand back further into his nose.
Harry: (giggling like a maniac) sorry, professor.
Harry then proceded to free Hermione's wand from the vulgar contents of Snape's nose. At last there was a bit of give and Harry yanked as hard as he could. Harry had freed Hermione's wand, but something was on the end of it. Something squishy and grey looking.
IT WAS SNAPE"S BRAIN!
With a few last gugling sounds, Snape fell to the ground, dead. Harry, Ron and Hermione just stared at Snape, and then his disgusting brain. Hermione was in hysterics.
Hermione: WE KILLED A TEACHER! WE'RE GOING TO BE EXPELLED FOR SURE! OH SHIT! WE'RE PROBABLY GOING TO AZKABAN!
Hermione was in such a state of shock at having killed Snape, that she promptly fainted. Harry and Ron stared at the unconscious Hermione, and picked her up but her arms and feet. They started walking back towards the castle when Ron suddenly spoke.
Ron: So, got Quidditch tomorrow?
With that the two of them, (carrying Hermione) went up the sloping hill towards the school. Leaving Snape's boody and brain to be carried away by the spiders.
That's it! Read and Reaview! Who should die next? Remember we can't kill Harry, Ron, or Hermione!