Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Warning: Femmslash. PWP. I know what that stands for now. Lol.
"When are you going to finish?" Ginny's eyes closed briefly, not yet meeting that of the older woman. Curiosity, shame, apprehension, regret, remembrance... It was all there. Plain on her strained features. And it hurt.
Ginny flinched at the suddenly warm tingling touch. The one that sent a thousand shivers coursing down her spine. The very touch that started it all. Hermione inched closer, the heat of her body so close, so warm. It made the younger girl want to take it back. It made her want to pull away. A soft, delicate hand caressed her cheek, forcing out the bitter cold the night had engraved. Fingers slid over her lips as if memorizing. Mesmerized.
The red head looked down as the fingers beneath her chin began to turn her gaze. Tried to make her dim blue eyes meet the hazel swirl of concern. Of want and lust. Confusion and worry. Instead she focused on the petal like lips so close to her own. The full pout of the other woman's bottom lip and the way it seemed to be set in a light frown.
Hermione was ready for what was coming. Ready to face the grave mistake she'd made. She didn't want to lose Ginny. She didn't want the best thing she'd ever had to slip between her fingers. Like sand through a sieve. She tried to look Ginny in the eyes, tried to capture the utter intensity of the younger woman's alluring sapphire orbs. Her voice was tentative. Full of concern, worry. Skimming the edge of the deep shallow water. Trying to put out the cold feeling beginning to consume her. "Finish what?"
The red heads voice was strangled; her blue eyes a deep turbulent sea of emotion. "Killing me."
She deserves so much better…
Hermione's forehead met Ginny's. Hazel eyes finally connecting with a blue so deep it made her stomach churn. This shouldn't have been how it ended. This shouldn't have to be it. The red head was wonderful, amazing. Her beautiful fiery appearance matching her compassionate soul, her courageous heart and her brilliant mind. She was everything Hermione wanted. Everything the brunette could ever want. But she couldn't do it anymore. For both their sakes…
I have to end this. I have to let her go.
The brunette intertwined their fingers, thumb rolling over the rough yet gentle flesh of Ginny's hand. She reveled I the feel. Her mind etched it in, burned it in. She wanted to remember that feeling in the pit of her stomach. Ginny's statement whirled around in her mind. She only had one truthful answer.
"Until I take your breath away…" It was the truth. Undiluted. Pure. She wanted to stay with Ginny until the end. Wistfully hoping it would never end.
"If that's the case," Ginny finally gained the courage to look her in the eyes completely. Blue depths shimmering with a brief gleam of hope, desire and something deeper. Something Hermione didn't want to acknowledge. "I'd have been dead the first time I'd laid eyes on you."
The older woman wanted to scream. Wanted nothing more than to break into a bout of uncontrolled sobs. To bruise those lips that she couldn't resist. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to move. She was so safe, felt so wanted so… loved. Hermione leaned in closer, her suddenly dry lips brushing Ginny's softly. Reassuring herself. She pulled away albeit reluctantly. She didn't… but she had to. Ginny had said it herself. Hermione was killing her. She was killing them both. She didn't want to see Ginny so broken. So emotionally torn. She had to end it. She wanted Ginny to smile again. To laugh and smile and to just be Ginny.
Even if it meant she'd suffer without the azure-eyed woman. Even if it meant she'd never smile again. Hermione wanted to dilute her own selfish ways. She'd be content knowing Ginny was happy. Ginny was smiling. Her hazel eyes held Ginny's steady. She needed those shining sapphire eyes to keep her strong. Needed them to say words she had to force out. "Ginny… you know we can't do this anymore."
"Herm-" Ginny began in protest. Her shocked expression making the lump in Hermione's throat grow.
"I can't be with you anymore Ginny. I just… I don't… I just can't!" Her limbs threatened to betray her at the look of pure hurt in Ginny's stormy blue eyes. Hesitantly, the brunette pulled away. Turning her back on the other woman. She couldn't bear the pain in her eyes. Or the expression that would settle on the red head's angelic face after her next few words. "I can't… I don't love you the way you love me."
"...You're lying." She could hear the silent tears. The heartache. It felt like a knife was sliding slowly into her heart. Hermione didn't say that. She didn't. She couldn't. No, she did. She said it.
But she didn't mean it.
Hermione bit back the threat of her own tears and swallowed down the building lump in her throat. It settled in her stomach and made her feel ill. She whirled around. Her eyes a steely brown. Uncaring. Indifferent. "It was a fling Gin. Nothing more."
"You don't mean it Hermione. I know you don't." Ginny moved towards her.
Hermione took a pained step back. She had to leave. She couldn't bear that look. The one of hurt and betrayal slowly sliding across Ginny's face. The few meandering tears making their way down and into her hoarse voice. Hermione couldn't lose her resolve.
"It's over Ginny. I never loved you. And soon you'll realize you never loved me either. We were just in it for the attraction. The rush." Her steely eyes and guarded tone didn't betray her. Didn't show the pain that wanted to seep through. "It was purely lust. Just simple desire."
"Purely lust…" Ginny's own voice took on an acidic tone. Her blue eyes sizzled like cold burning fire. The clear burning desire in Ginny's eyes wasn't lost on Hermione. Neither was the desperation.
"Yes. Lust." Hermione didn't know how Ginny would react. The statement had even cut through Hermione's own wilting heart.
The younger woman couldn't take it. Lust? It was just lust? Desire, Hermione said. She'd never loved the brunette? How… how could she? Why? Why… Ginny looked at the brunette angrily. She looked into nonchalant chocolate orbs and smirked. Her azure eyes took in every curve. Every dip and every hint of exposed flesh. Hermione said this was just lust, simple desire?
I'll show her desire.
And with the thought running carelessly through her mind, her lips crashed against the older woman's. Hermione gasped, the feel enticing. Her dim hazel eyes darkened. Her head was fuzzy, her body acting on pure urge, pure instinct. Her mind sizzled, wanting more. Needing more.
I just felt like writing…