Chapter 23: Chicks Dig Jiraiya

Black Hinata looked around the now empty household. There was much work that needed to be done. For starters, her relatives left a big mess behind after their forced departure and it would take a while for her to clean up the mess had been left behind.

First things first, she needed to change into a pair of cleaning clothes. A white tank (form fitting, of course), the black bikini she sported earlier in the day, and a ridiculously short pair of jean shorts fit the bill perfectly. She kept her locks in place with a Konoha standard-issue bandana and fashioned her chopped locks into messy pigtails.

Next, she needed some music.

She procured a stereo system from the Hyuuga storage closet (one that was used during Hyuuga Karaoke Night- an event that she wasn't allowed to participate in), brought it out into one of the courtyards (followed by yards and yards of extension cords), and tuned the radio to one of her favorite stations.

The moment the Pussycat Dolls' "Buttons" started thumping from the system, Black Hinata, along with a few other scantily clad clones, got to work grabbing brooms, sponges, and tubs and tubs of sudsy water and ventured off into different areas of their large estate.


Sasuke was the first who regained consciousness, and seeing how Hinata was gone, he rushed home to freshen up, restyle his emo duck-butt hairdo and come up with some plans to win the hand of his lady love.

Needless to say, there was a big surprise waiting for him the moment he arrived at the gateway leading to his door.

"Yo, yo, yo, whazzup, Little Bro!" Itachi said as he pounded his fist into his chest, threw the confused younger Uchiha a sideways peace sign, and pimp-walked up to him in the courtyard where he proceeded to perform an intricate handshake (you know, the jive ones that all the hip-hop people like to do that I'll never be able to learn because I'm so damn uncoordinated and uncool) which frustrated the peeved Sasuke even further as he tried to bat his brother's hand away.

Then Itachi did the unthinkable- he HUGGED his unnerved baby brother. Something that the elder Uchiha offspring hadn't done since, well… EVER.

Snapping out of his stupor, Sasuke regarded his aniki for a moment. 'What the FUCK is going ON?' he asked himself. He glared at his brother, looked him up from head to toe, and balked.

"Why are you here? GET. OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE," he said through clenched teeth, brandishing a kunai.

Itachi held his hands out in a placating gesture. "C'mon, L'il Bro, don't be like that. Be cool. I'm all you have left!"

"Be COOL? BE COOL? YOU KILLED THE FAMILY AND YOU WANT ME TO BE COOL? I DON'T THINK SO!" With that, Sasuke stormed into the house, grabbed a suitcase and began to hastily pack articles of clothing and his toiletries.

"Where are you going?" asked Itachi from the doorway.

"Out. If you're staying, I'm leaving."

"That's whack. We haven't even bonded yet. C'mere. Give your Aniki a hug."

"Fuck you!" screeched the younger Uchiha, pushing his brother away and reaching into his pouch for a kunai and waving it wildly into the air. "Don't fucking touch me, you asshole! I MEAN IT! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Itachi chuckled and leaned forward in an attempt to grab the weapon and was shocked when it was suddenly plunged into his chest. A metallic clanging sound was heard.

Sasuke dropped the kunai in surprise.

Itachi quickly ripped the buttons of his parka apart and gasped as a few black diamonds and rubies rained onto the surface of Sasuke's polished wooden floor. (See Chapter 21 for reference.)

"My pendant… you messed it up," whispered the former Akatsuki member, Sharingan eyes spinning wildly as he turned to look at his foolish little brother. "Motherfucker, I KNEW I should've killed you, too-"

But Sasuke was already gone, scared out of his wits by a demented brother who was going to disembowel him over a gaudy piece of jewelry.

"YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE! I'LL FIND YOU!" Itachi roared maniacally.


Just outside the Hyuuga compound, perched atop a tree limb with a pair of binoculars, was one extremely HORNY Sannin with his hand down his grungy green pants.

Seeing one Hinata made his Mini Ji quake with excitement. Seeing SEVERAL wet, glistening heavenly Hinata bodies made him ache with lust. He had already blown his load several times after watching Hinata clone Number 4 polishing the dining room table down with Lemon Pledge (he had gotten a very good look down her tank and an EXTREMELY lovely view of her other assets)... and decided to have himself a little hentai daydream.

Inside "JIRAIYA'S EROTIC MIND THEATRE 4000":

"Hinata- you missed a spot," he remarked from his seat at the end of the long table.

From the other end, Hinata (dressed head to toe in a slutty maid's outfit complete with frills and fishnet stockings) pouted confusedly and slowly sauntered towards the perverted hermit while looking at the high glossy shine of the table. As she bowed in apology, one of her large breasts slipped out, an action that went unnoticed by the shy girl. "J-Jiraiya-sama... I- I don't know w-what spot I missed..."

"Bad girl, you forgot this spot," he said, pointing to his chapped lips. Hinata smiled meekly as she bent over to lave his mouth with wet kisses. Jiraiya cupped the exposed mound and pinched her nipple between his second and middle finger, delighting in her broken gasps. He removed his tongue from her mouth and pulled away, earning a whine from the teen beauty. He smiled broadly.


Jiraiya snapped out of his reverie as he gushed into his pants. Swearing lightly to himself, he noticed his trousers were looking a little worse for wear. He removed them (along with his dampened boxers), hanging them out to dry on a nearby tree branch.

As he continued on with his sick little fantasy, he failed to notice the few hungry-looking (and rather large) baby birds curiously looking at his big worm.


"JIRAIYA'S EROTIC MIND THEATRE 4000" (continued):

He quickly divested himself of his garments, standing stark naked before a heavily-breathing Hinata who immediately fell to her knees.

"Jiraiya-sama," she said, grabbing his need and placing loving kisses on the tip and along the sides of his engorged length. "M-may I c-clean this for you, too?"

His throaty moan was all the encouragement she needed as she proceeded to give him the best (and most painful) blow of his life.


Sadly, as dream Hinata tugged and pulled at his erection, the birds tugged none-too-gently on it as well, giving the noted author of smut novels a lot of wear and tear on his most prized possession.


As Gaara, Temari and Kankurou walked through the streets of Konoha looking for room and board, they were slightly taken aback by the amorous sounds coming (pardon the innuendo) from overhead (again, pardon).

The moment the Kazekage looked skyward, Jiraiya's come-soaked pants and boxers decided to fall down upon a very peeved and disgusted Sand trio.


It's been a while since I've updated this story… Sorry to have kept you waiting all these weeks. Er, just a smidge over five months, to be precise.

I actually went back to re-read all the chapters, and seriously, what the hairy heck? Why do you people keep READING this? Maybe I can get us a discount for a group therapy session or two... I'm insane for writing this, just as y'all are for reading it…

Unfortunately, I don't know if I have what it takes to continue this story, so I hope a lot of you won't be upset if I decide to discontinue it... O.o