Author's Note: Deep regards go to Theresa Green, who created this format. And I hope you all enjoy this.
Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to UZUMAKI NARUTO
Congratulations on your purchase of an UZUMAKI NARUTO unit! In order to fully utilize and enjoy your new unit, it is recommended you read and follow the instructions in the manual below.
Name: Uzumaki Naruto
Height: 147.5 cm
Weight: 40.6 kg
Place of Manufacture: Konoha Shinobi Incorporated; Loud-mouth Genin Section
Your UZUMAKI NARUTO comes with the following accessories:
Please consult this list in order to know you have been sent all of the following-
Leaf Headband (x1)
Gaudy orange and blue jacket (x1)
Gaudy orange pants (x1)
Pair of ninja sandals (x1)
Ninja side-pouch (x1) which comes with the following-
Explosion tags (x3)
Ninja leg-pouch with bandages (x1) which come with the following-
Instant ramen (x50)
Kyuubi no Kitsune (x1)
Owners please note: The accessory Kyuubi no Kitsune has already been packaged inside your UZUMAKI NARUTO, so no self-installation is needed. To see if your UZUMAKI NARUTO has come with a Kyuubi no Kitsune, check the unit's stomach for the YONDAIME HOKAGE SEAL©, which means your UZUMAKI NARUTO is an authentic product. If there is no seal, please contact our 24 hour help-line service. Contact numbers can be found on the side of the box.
When your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit arrives, take note to open the box carefully. You may find that your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will jump out of the box and start running around uncontrollably. It may be suitable to first purchase a HARUNO SAKURA unit so that she may chastise him properly using her patented INNER SAKURA FIST OF FURY© punch, which is activated whenever your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit goes into Hyperactive mode (which is his default setting). If you do not have a HARUNO SAKURA unit standing by, you may be able to placate your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit by offering to make him some of the instant ramen he came packaged with (it is recommended to order an extra container of ramen just in case he has tried to eat the raw ramen during the shipping period). If you find your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit does not respond to the promise of ramen, please contact one of our technicians immediately. Once again, their 24 hour help-line service number can be found on the side of the box.
You will find that your UZUMAKI NARUTO comes with a large number of functions. Some of these functions are listed below:
Ninja: He may be loud and flashy, but you will find that your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit does make a decent shinobi. He will willingly take on all missions you issue him with, from cleaning toilets to body guarding (to make sure the mission is at least half-completed, inform him that the mission is of 'high importance' and that 'it will make you look good in front of Sakura and Sasuke').
Temporary Staff: Has your entire staff gone on strike? Ask your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit to use his famous KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU©, and in an instant, you will be supplied with an entire staff ready to work! For Occupation Health and Safety issues, it is recommended to rent or purchase the following units to supervise your UZUMAKI NARUTO whilst they work: HATAKE KAKASHI, TSUNADE, IRUKA-SENSEI, JIRAIYA, and HARUNO SAKURA. For these reasons, it is best to keep your UZUMAKI NARUTO restricted to such jobs as janitor, butler, or crowd control, and NOT bomb handling expert. Giving such jobs to your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will void his warranty.
Practical Joker: Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit makes an excellent practical joker. Wether it's to have some fun of your own, or getting back at someone, UZUMAKI NARUTO will think of a brilliant way to surprise and/or humiliate them (owners take note: if the target is male, bring tissues and lots of them).
Retriever: Lost your TSUNADE unit? Just order your UZUMAKI NARUTO to find her, and he will locate her in no time! However, it is not recommended to send your UZUMAKI NARUTO after your UCHIHA SASUKE unit if he has run off in the company of the ORO & FRIENDS 'OBEY BLINDLY AND GET BEATEN UP' 4 SOUND-NIN SET unless you wish to activate one of his locked modes (see below).
Your UZUMAKI NARUTO comes in the following modes:
Aggressive Kyuubi level 1 (Locked)
Aggressive Kyuubi level 2 (Locked)
Shut up and let me beat some sense into you (Locked; see below for explanation)
Hyperactive: Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will, for the most time, stay in his default setting of Hyperactive, particularly if allowed to eat ramen constantly. This could prove to be annoying to owners after a time, but rest assured, he will grow out of it in several years (if you do not wish to wait that long, try to activate one of his other modes).
Determined: This mode is activated whenever your UZUMAKI NARUTO is exposed to one or more of his 'rival' units such as UCHIHA SASUKE or HYUUGA NEJI. Exposure to these units is critical in order to help your UZUMAKI NARUTO train harder and grow in his skills. Owners take note that UZUMAKI NARUTO's 'Determined' mode is easily set off by either the mentioning of said rival's names or by any insults about his skills and 'Ninja way'. 'Determined' mode is an important key to unlocking your UZUMAKI NARUTO's 'Shut up and let me beat some sense into you' mode.
Confused: Your UZUMAKI NARUTO's 'Confused' mode is only mostly activated whenever you try to explain anything detailed to him. For the most part, if the issue is not ninja-related he will forget about it and it will not be a problem. However, if the issue of concern is ninja-related, you may need to rent or purchase a HARUNO SAKURA, JIRAIYA, IRUKA-SENSEI or even ROCK LEE or HATAKE KAKASHI unit to bring your UZUMAKI NARUTO out of 'Confused' mode, as he will bug you about it until it is solved.
Nostalgic: 'Nostalgic' mode is also known as 'Sympathetic' mode, as your UZUMAKI NARUTO will immediately start reminiscing about his sad past whenever in the presence of a unit who begins to spout off on their own sad story. Your UZUMAKI NARUTO will usually find a common ground with the other unit and make friends with them (please note that this does not always work. The UCHIHA SASUKE unit will become friends with your UZUMAKI NARUTO, but will then beat him up any chance he gets). 'Nostalgic' mode is an important key to unlocking your UZUMAKI NARUTO's 'Shut up and let me beat some sense into you' mode.
Aggressive Kyuubi level 1: After unlocking this mode, it is activated whenever your UZUMAKI NARUTO begins to lose in a battle. To activate this mode, you must have purchased or rented an UCHIHA SASUKE and MOMOCHI ZABUZA WITH BONUS HAKU SET. Let your UCHIHA SASUKE fight against HAKU and watch until he either dies or falls into a death-like state. Then place your UZUMAKI NARUTO next to the body and watch as he explodes with anger! Signs that mean your UZUMAKI NARUTO has unlocked his 'Aggressive Kyuubi level 1' mode include; red fox-eyes, darkening of whisker marks, howling, and a large bright-red chakra that manifests itself into a large, grinning fox-head. If you wish to revive your UCHIHA SASUKE unit after use, purchase or rent a HARUNO SAKURA to cry on him and he will wake up. However, many prefer to keep their UCHIHA SASUKE dead so that may stuff and mount him onto their wall.
Aggressive Kyuubi level 2: This mode can only be unlocked by sending your UZUMAKI NARUTO off after an UCHIHA SASUKE unit that has decided to join an OROCHIMARU unit. After your UZUMAKI NARUTO activates his 'Aggressive Kyuubi level 1' mode, the UCHIHA SASUKE unit will retaliate by activating his own 'Curse Seal level 1' mode. After this one-upping, your UZUMAKI NARUTO will then unlock and activate his 'Aggressive Kyuubi level 2' mode, although this will allow the UCHIHA SASUKE unit to unlock his 'Curse Seal level 2'. After 'Aggressive Kyuubi level 2' is unlocked, you will be able to use it against any member of the AKATSUKAI 'KILLING IS FUN!' SET. Purchase of an AKASTUKAI member gives you $10 off a MYSTERIOUS CAVE OF DOOM PLAYSET.
Shut up and let me beat some sense into you: AKA. 'Listen to me, I'm a motivational speaker and I'll change your life!' mode. This special mode is only unlockable when both 'Determined' and 'Nostalgic' modes are activated at the same time. This mode will allow your UZUMAKI NARUTO to beat up (or at least annoy/harass) his opponent in submission, and then challenge and eventually change their ideology. An example of this is exposing your HYUUGA NEJI unit to an UZUMAKI NARUTO whilst in a battle. This will result in your HYUUGA NEJI changing his default mode of 'Ice King' to 'Kinda sociable'. Owners of an UCHIHA SASUKE please note: even despite constant exposure to an UZUMAKI NARUTO unit in this mode, it will not change your unit's default setting of 'Annoying little snot' to something more likeable.
Relations with other units:
Being a loud, attention-seeking ninja, your UZUMAKI NARUTO will seek to make as many friends/rivals as possible. At first he may find making friends a hard task, but he will eventually gain a certain degree of respect from almost everyone he meets. Below is listed your UZUMAKI NARUTO's relationships to different models, as organised by respective sets.
The TEAM 7 'ARE WE THE ONLY 'NORMAL' ONES HERE?' SET (consists of HATAKE KAKASHI, UZUMAKI NARUTO, UCHIHA SASUKE, HARUNO SAKURA)
HATAKE KAKASHI- This is your UZUMAKI NARUTO's jounin teacher. For the most part, your UZUMAKI NARUTO respects HATAKE KAKASHI, though not for his notorious lateness and like of the 'Icha Icha Paradise' books. Proper bonding of your UZUMAKI NARUTO to a HATAKE KAKASHI will result in training sessions in chakra control, which will increase your unit's abilities.
UCHIHA SASUKE- Your UZUMAKI NARUTO's biggest rival. Your UZUMAKI NARUTO will take quite a while to make friends with this unit, and even then they will continue to bicker and insult each other. But you know they still have a kind-of respect for each other. Exposing your UZUMAKI NARUTO to an UCHIHA SASUKE (in healthy doses) will encourage your UZUMAKI NARUTO to activate his 'Determined' mode and train harder. Unhealthy doses will result in the UCHIHA SASUKE activating his 'Need power to Avenge!' mode, which may result in the UCHIHA SASUKE unit blindly running off to join up with an OROCHIMARU unit (owners of an UCHIHA SASUKE may not wish to have their unit return to them, especially after 3 years).
HARUNO SAKURA- Another of your UZUMAKI NARUTO's team mates; this pink-haired kunoichi will refuse all advances by your UZUMAKI NARUTO to go on a date with him. She will, however, help him out by thoroughly explaining anything which may have placed your UZUMAKI NARUTO in his 'Confused' mode. HARUNO SAKURA will also help keep your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit under control by punishing him with her INNER SAKURA FIST OF FURY© punch.
The TEAM 8 'DO YOU SMELL DOG?' SET (consists of YUUHI KURENAI, HYUUGA HINATA, INUZUKA KIBA, ABURAME SHINO)
HYUUGA HINATA- Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will usually be sent off into his 'Confused' mode when exposed to the caring, yet shy HYUUGA HINATA. The HYUUGA HINATA unit will usually secretly watch your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit from afar, tapping her fingers together timidly. There is nothing to worry about; this is totally normal for her unit. Whenever your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit is hurt, a HYUUGA HINATA unit will secretly visit and give him flowers and a 'Get well soon' card. By exposing your HYUUGA HINATA to an UZUMAKI NARUTO, you will find that she grows a little more confident everyday. It is unknown if these two units will ever go out on a date together.
The TEAM 10 'LET'S HIDE OVER HERE...' SET (consists of SARUTOBI ASUMA, YAMANAKA INO, NARA SHIKAMARU, AKIMICHI CHOUJI)
NARA SHIKAMARU- This lazy, yet intelligent chuunin will develop a stable friendship with your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit. He usually won't say or do much by saying it is 'too troublesome' but your UZUMAKI NARUTO will enjoy watching the clouds with him on nice days. Just don't challenge the NARA SHIKAMARU unit to any games of strategy.
The TEAM GAI 'YOUTH POWER UP! YOSH! YOSH!' SET (consists of MAITO GAI, ROCK LEE, HYUUGA NEJI, TENTEN)
ROCK LEE- AKA 'THICK BROWS' to your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit. Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will learn to respect the ROCK LEE unit after he gets over the shock of the unit's bizarre appearance and unnatural affection towards his MAITO GAI unit teacher. The two may even find they have common ground, since they never seem to be able to get the HARUNO SAKURA unit's attention when it comes to love either.
HYUUGA NEJI- At first, the HYUUGA NEJI unit and your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will be at a standoff. Their relationship will change after your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit uses his 'Shut up and let me beat some sense into you' mode to switch him into his 'Kinda sociable' mode. Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will still see the HYUUGA NEJI as a rival, but at least they'll be on speaking terms with each other. HYUUGA NEJI owners will find that after switching his default setting, he will a lot more comfortable around members of the HYUUGA 'MAIN HOUSE' SET.
The SAND SIBLINGS 'THERE'S SAND IN MY UNDERWEAR AGAIN...' SET (consists of SUBAKU NO GAARA, TEMARI, KANKURO):
SUBAKU NO GAARA- When first exposing your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit to a SUBAKU NO GAARA, do not interfere until they have beaten each other senseless and your UZUMAKI NARUTO has activated his 'Shut up and let me beat some sense into you' mode. It is recommended to take out an insurance policy on all valuables during this time, as property damage will ensue. After they have both been repaired, you will find that your UZUMAKI NARUTO will develop a close bond with the SUBAKU NO GAARA unit, and vice versa. If at any point the SUBAKU NO GAARA unit is kidnapped by a DEIDARA unit, send your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit after him (and a HATAKE KAKASHI unit if possible), and he will promptly retrieve him.
The LEGENDARY SENNIN 'SNAKES, SLUGS, AND TOADS, OH MY!' SET (consists of OROCHIMARU, TSUNADE, JIRAIYA)
OROCHIMARU- Although this unit is much more interested in the UCHIHA SASUKE unit, it will occasionally run into the UZUMAKI NARUTO unit, followed by his little crony unit, KABUTO, and proceed to taunt him. Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will loathe the OROCHIMARU unit and attack him every time, or at least beat up the KABUTO unit. Unfortunately, your UZUMAKI NARUTO may come out worse for wear. Please take note that the OROCHIMARU unit also comes under the ORO & FRIENDS 'OBEY BLINDLY AND GET BEATEN UP' SET. This set consists of all the 'SOUND NIN' units, including ZAKU, KIN, DOSU, KABUTO, SAKON, JIROUBOU, TAYUYA, KIDOUMARU, and KIMIMARO. Owners of these units please note: Do NOT let these units near any 'KONOHA NIN' units, as they will be guaranteed to be broken, and badly.
TSUNADE- This gambling kunoichi is rare to find, but is well worth it. By sending a JIRAIYA unit off with your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit, they will be able to track down TSUNADE and bring her back. If your UZUMAKI NARUTO uses his 'Shut up and let me beat some sense into you' mode against a TSUNADE unit, you may find that she will give him her FIRST HOKAGE NECKLACE©, a rare accessory only available with a TSUNADE unit. Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will affectionately call the TSUNADE unit 'Obaa-san', and will receive a punch in face every time he does; at least until the TSUNADE unit finds it is too much of a hassle. The TSUNADE unit is a highly qualified medical ninja, and upon request, will help heal any other units you may possess. However, she will probably refuse if asked to heal any ninja from the ORO & FRIENDS 'OBEY BLINDLY AND GET BEATEN UP' SET. TSUNADE also comes with her assistant SHIZUNE and her pet pig TONTON.
JIRAIYA- Despite being the writer of the 'Icha Icha Paradise' series the HATAKE KAKASHI enjoys, and being an open-closet pervert, your UZUMAKI NARUTO will be impressed by his skills and will respect the JIRAIYA unit, though call him 'Ero-sennin'. If your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit shows the JIRAIYA unit his SEXY NO JUTSU©, you may find that the JIRAIYA unit will be overcome with the desire to train your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit. In time he will show your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit the KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU©, and his signature attack the RASENGAN©. This attack will be helpful in unlocking the 'Aggressive Kyuubi level 2' mode.
The AKATSUKAI 'KILLING IS FUN!' SET:
UCHIHA ITACHI- Your UZUMAKI NARUTO absolutely DETESTS this unit. It is best to keep them separate from each other unless you wish to pay out large sums of property damage to others.
Others worth mentioning:
IRUKA-SENSEI- This unit is like your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit's father-figure, who he will have a deep bond with. The IRUKA-SENSEI unit will treat your UZUMAKI NARUTO to ramen frequently, even though this will deflate his wallet quite a bit. For this, your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will be very grateful and will defend the IRUKA-SENSEI unit whenever he's in trouble.
KONOHAMARU- Apart from the occasional punching and scuffles between these two, they will get along great together. The KONOHAMARU unit will call your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit 'Onii-chan!' and follow him around like a puppy. He will even try and dress like your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit. Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit will like taking time out from training to play 'ninja' with the KONOHAMARU unit. Eventually, the KONOHAMARU unit will start up a small fanclub in your UZUMAKI NARUTO's honour.
Your UZUMAKI NARUTO is fully capable of cleaning himself, but owners will have to make sure that he does take regular baths so that he doesn't start to stink up their house and kill all their plants. If your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit refuses to clean himself, tell him that 'Sasuke takes a bath everyday. Maybe that's why Sakura likes him better than you'.
You may find that after time, your UZUMAKI NARUTO will become quite annoying, especially if kept in his 'Hyperactive' mode. To safely dispose of your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit, please place him in a box (with or without breathing hole), send him to the 'Akatsukai Super-Fun-Factory-of-Doom PO BOX 1337 We-want-bijuu-ville', and he will be promptly disposed of in an environmentally safe (yet bloody) manner.
Feeding and rest
Your UZUMAKI NARUTO will generally only eat ramen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This will sustain him for a while, but you will need to force him to eat his most hated food (fresh vegetables) regularly in order to keep him energised. Once again, if your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit refuses to eat his vegetables, tell him that 'Sasuke eats lots of fresh vegetables. Maybe that's why Sakura likes him better than you'. As for sleeping, your UZUMAKI NARUTO will be fine to take care of himself, although you may find that occasionally he will overtire himself from training and collapse in a field somewhere. There is nothing to worry about though; he will be fine by the next morning.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Question: My UZUMAKI NARUTO has gone missing! And there's a bunch of really, really gross books called 'Icha Icha Paradise' littered all over my floor!
Answer: Don't worry, by the looks of it, your UZUMAKI NARUTO has met up with a JIRAIYA unit and the two have decided to go on a mission. Be glad for the break time while you still have it, and when your UZUMAKI NARUTO returns, he'll come back with some new attacks and a TSUNADE unit. As for the dirty books, sell them to a HATAKE KAKASHI unit. He'll be more than happy to take them off your hands.
Question: Help me! There were a bunch of fangirls starting to crowd around my house, so I ordered my UZUMAKI NARUTO unit to do his SEXY NO JUTSU to make them run away, but all it did was attract fanboys! What do I do!
Answer: The only thing that will get rid of fangirls is by making them switch targets. Get your UZUMAKI NARUTO to use his HENGE© to transform into an UCHIHA SASUKE and lead the fangirls away and then make his escape from them. As for the fanboys, when your UZUMAKI NARUTO returns, get him to summon GAMABUNTA and squash them. We're sure their mothers will thank you for getting their minds out of the gutter.
Question: Why is my UZUMAKI NARUTO being stalked by an UCHIHA ITACHI? It's starting to freak me out.
Answer: The UCHIHA ITACHI unit desperately wants to get his hands on your UZUMAKI NARUTO's Kyuubi. There is really nothing you can do about it until you defeat him. However, sending out an UCHIHA SASUKE unit his way may be good in giving you enough time to obtain a restraining order against him.
Problem: Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit is wearing some kind of hideous green bodysuit-thing.
Solution: Your UZUMAKI NARUTO may have run into a MAITO GAI and ROCK LEE unit. The combination of the ROCK LEE unit's impressive taijutsu and the constant proud ramblings of the MAITO GAI unit has put your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit into his 'Confused' mode, causing him to think he needs to wear the ROCK LEE Green Spandex Bodysuit© in order to become a better ninja. To correct your UZUMAKI NARUTO's new found sense of 'fashion', find either a HARUNO SAKURA or JIRAIYA unit or they will either punch him or fling him over a cliff.
Problem: Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit is unable to activate his 'Aggressive Kyuubi level 1' mode.
Solution: Your UZUMAKI NARUTO may have come into contact with an OROCHIMARU unit and have had a strange seal placed over your unit's YONDAIME HOKAGE SEAL©. The only way to cure this is to have a JIRAIYA unit examine your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit and unseal it.
Problem: Your UZUMAKI NARUTO unit has not returned from his fight with the UCHIHA SASUKE unit.
Answer: Send a HATAKE KAKASHI and PAKKUN out immediately to retrieve him, and then have a TSUNADE unit heal him up when he returns.
With the proper care, you will find that your UZUMAKI NARUTO will grow into a remarkable ninja. If you have trained your unit properly, you will find that your UZUMAKI NARUTO will be able to defeat any member, and maybe even take out that UCHIHA ITACHI that keeps stalking you.