Three Little Pigs
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or the Three Little Pigs.
D/N: Wow, I cannot type today. Yay, that's wonderful! Anyways, I have to go buy the game Guild Wars at some point in time in the very, very, very near future. Hopefully like... today. Anyway, enjoy! And believe it or not, I'm going to take a stab at trying to do Joey's infamous accent. Somewhat. Not really. Only a few words every now and then. I refuse to change any th's to d's Tell me if it's... stupid.
"So... you want... this one then?" Joey asked.
"Yup." Serenity nodded, snuggling deeper into her bed.
"But we always read this one." Joey whined, looking at the cover. 'The Three Little Pigs' was in scrawled at the top in bright red letters. "Can't we at least read Little Red Ridin' Hood for a change?"
"Okay, great! I'll-"
Joey sighed angrily, but sat down next to the bed and opened the book. "A'right, a'right. Here's your stupid book." Sighing, he began to read. "Once up on a time-"
"Not up on." Serenity interrupted. "Upon!"
"Hey," Joey snapped. "You wanna read this thing?"
"I can't read." Serenity told him.
Joey rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, whatever. Okay." He began to read at a quick pace. "Once upon a time, there were these three little pigs, an' they all built houses an' the brick one saved them from the wolf. The end. Wow, wasn't that great?" He kissed his baby sister on the forehead quickly, jumping up off of the chair. "'Kay, g'night!"
"N-o-o-o-o-o!" Serenity wailed. (1) "Get back here, Joey! You have to read it right!"
Joey stopped and turned around, groaning dramatically as he trudged back to the chair. "Geez, fine. You'd think you'd know this thing by now." He opened the book once more. "A'right. For real this time. Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. They were all movin' away-"
"What were their names?" Serenity asked.
"Their names!" Serenity repeated. "They have to have names!"
"What?" Joey cried. "They never needed names before!"
"They do now." Serenity smiled.
Joey rolled his eyes. "What do you want their names to be?"
Serenity giggled. "I don't know. You pick them."
Joey muttered something under his breath, before continuing. "Okay.. uh... There were three little pigs who were named... Tristan, Joey an' Yugi.(2) An' they were all movin' away from their old homes -"
"Why?" Serenity asked him.
"I don't know. It was windy." Joey said. "So they decided that they were gonna build their houses on a field in the middle of nowhere."
"Because they could. Stop interruptin' all the time." Joey told her. Sighing again, he went on. "So they were in the middle of this big field an' the first little pig... uh... Tristan decides that he's gonna make his house outta straw." He paused for a moment, to let his sister say something.
Sure enough - "Where did he get the straw from?"
"eBay." Joey said. "So, Tristan says, 'Hey, I think I'm goin' over to this little place over here an' I'm gonna go make my house outta straw. So... you guys go away.'"
"That was mean of him." Serenity frowned.
"Yeah. Pure evil. Anyway, Joey an' Yugi go an' walk away from Tristan who starts buildin' his house. Then Yugi says, 'Y'know what? I think I'll build my house right here an' make it out of sticks. I'll see you later.'"
"Where did he get the sticks, Joey?"
Joey thought for a minute. "It was a two-for-one deal with the straw." He told her. Seeing as how she seemed to accept that answer, he said, "So Yugi starts buildin' his house outta sticks while Joey goes an' walks away. After a while he finds a bunch of bricks just lyin' around an' he starts to build his house."
"Why on earth would there be bricks lying around?" Serenity asked.
"Because... the other guy who had them..." Joey scrunched up his nose, thinking. "Couldn't... take them with him because they were too heavy. Yeah, so, anyway, Joey gets the bricks an' starts buildin' his house. So, a couple of weeks go by an' Tristan and Yugi swing by Joey's place, an' he's still there workin' on his house. So, Tristan says, 'Hey, Joey! Why don't you take a break an' hang out with us for a while? It's not like anythin's going to happen.'
"An' Joey says, 'Yeah, I know, but I got a feelin' that there's gonna be a big ol' wolf on his way to eat us, so I wanna be safe.'"
"How do they know about the wolf?" Serenity demanded to know.
"Uh... 'cause... they can see the future."
"No, they can't!"
"Yeah... no, they can't..." Joey muttered. His eyes suddenly lit up. "Yeah, they can't, but they got a friend who's a rabbit an' she can!"
"Really?" Serenity blinked. "How?"
"Uh..." Joey thought deeply for a moment. "'Cause... her name was Isis an' she had the Millennium Necklace (3) an' so she could check out what was gonna happen."
"When did she tell them?" Serenity asked.
"When... uh... A while back. You missed it.
"So how did they know each other?"
"Uhm... oh, I know!" Joey said. "She was a friend o' Yugi's!"
"Then why didn't she tell Yugi so he could make his house out of bricks?"
"Uhm..." Joey was silent for a few moments. "'Cause she ain't really a friend o' Yugi's. She's a friend o' Yami's, an' when she told Yami that there was a wolf runnin' around, Yami didn't wanna scare Yugi so he told Joey 'cause he's braver. Besides, Yugi didn't have any bricks."
"Oh." Serenity nodded. "So who's Yami?"
"... Yugi's roommate."
"The three little pigs don't have roommates!" Serenity snapped.
"Sure, they do!" Joey assured her. "You just... don't... really hear about 'em that much is all. But they're there. So, anyways, Joey said, 'Well, there's a wolf around an' I wanna be safe. So, you two go on without me.' So a couple of days pass by and all the pigs are sittin' at home in their just finished houses and relaxin'. But little do they know that a big, ol', white wolf is just outside Tristan's house! An' he was real hungry, too! So he knocks on the door real loud an' -"
"I don't want the wolf to be the bad guy!" Serenity said. "The wolves in these fairytales are always mean. I don't think they're all bad."
"... Well... you're... in luck, cause this wasn't a bad wolf at all!" Joey continued. "This was Ryou, an' he was just there visitin' his friend Tristan. So, anyway, he knocks on the door an' says, 'Hey, Tristan, I'm here for the party!'"
"The... uh... 'Welcome to the Neighbourhood' party." Joey said. "Y'see, all the animals were havin' a big party, but first they had to go to Tristan's house, and so far only Ryou was there." Serenity nodded in understanding. "Okay... so... uh... the real bad guy was a big... uhm... horse."
"A horse?" Serenity raised an eyebrow. "Horses aren't bad."
"Yeah, well, wolves ain't good." Joey replied. "An'... this horse was named... Pegasus."
Serenity sighed. "You mean the maker of Duel Monsters? He's not evil."
"Sure, he is!" Joey said. "He's just a good actor. Anyway, Pegasus went up to Tristan's house an' was all, 'Hey, Tristan, open up this door so I can eat you!'"
"Horses don't eat pigs!"
"This one did. So, Tristan shouted back, 'No way! I'm not lettin' you in!'" Joey said. "An' so Pegasus took in a big, deep breath and blew away the house o' straw. So Tristan and Ryou ran over to Yugi and Yami's house and got away from Pegasus for a while."
Serenity stopped him once more. "But horses are faster than pigs. Pegasus would've caught them."
"Well... I... he was busy."
"Busy doing what?"
"Busy fightin' Bakura." Joey told him. "Bakura's also a wolf, an' he was a real good fighter, so he fought Pegasus and bought them some time."
"Who's Bakura?" Serenity asked. "When did he come?"
"He came with Ryou." Joey said. "He's Ryou's roommate."
"Wolves don't have roommates."
"Yeah, they do." Joey told her. "Look it up."
"But you said Ryou came alone." Serenity protested.
"I didn't say that." Joey her. "Anyways, Pegasus finally defeated Bakura, an' then he ran over to Yugi's house, an' he was all, 'Hey, Yugi, open up this door so I can eat you!' An' Yugi was all, 'No!' So Pegasus took a deep breath an' blew away the house o' sticks. So, Yugi, Yami, Tristan an' Ryou all had to run over to good ol' Joey's house."
"But Pegasus would've caught them!" Serenity cried. "You said Pegasus got rid of Bakura, so he would've caught them!"
"Yeah... but... he was busy fightin' Marik now." Joey said.
"Where did Marik come in?"
"He... uh... he..." Joey stammered, just to come up with something. "He was already at Yugi's house for his party."
"But didn't you say that they had to go to Tristan's house first?"
"Yeah, but Pegasus blew it away." Joey told her.
"Oh. So what was Marik?"
"A porcupine." Came the reply.
"A porcupine?" Serenity echoed. "A porcupine can't stop a horse!"
"No, but two can keep a horse pretty busy." Joey told her. "An' there were two - Marik an' Malik. They were both good fighters an' they practiced fightin' each other all time, but Marik was a way bigger freak."
"So, how did Malik find out about the party?" Serenity asked.
"Uh... Marik told him." Joey replied. "They're roommates."
"Uh-huh." Serenity replied, sceptically.
"They are!" Joey told her. "So, anyway, Pegasus eventually got past Malik and Marik, an' he trotted off to Joey's house an' said, 'Joey, open up this door before I eat you!' An' Joey was all, 'No, you big loser!' So, Pegasus took a deep breath, but he couldn't blow the house away."
"Because it was made of bricks!" Serenity grinned.
"'Cause it was made o' bricks." Joey nodded. "So, Pegasus got really mad an' he was so starvin', so he started kickin' at the door, tryin' to break it down."
Serenity's eyes widened. "What did they do?"
"Uh... The three little pigs knew that because Pegasus was so hungry, he'd eat anything they gave him. So they found a rat that was in the corner of the room, an' his name was Kaiba. They pushed Kaiba outta the window, and he ran away from Pegasus, but Pegasus caught him an' ate him."
Serenity gasped. "Oh, no!"
"Nah, it's a'right." Joey told her. "Nobody liked him anyway. So a few seconds later, Pegasus felt somethin' weird in his belly, like he ate somethin' bad. He didn't know that Joey had put dynamite down Kaiba's throat so that when the dynamite exploded, Pegasus would too. An' so a few seconds later, there was a big KA-BOOM an' guts were flyin' everywhere an' there were fireworks in the sky an' everyone was happy that Pegasus was gone at last. So the three little pigs were left to live in the brick house an' they stayed there with their friends an' they all lived happily ever after. The end."
Serenity smiled as he closed the book. "That was great, Joey!"
"You really think so?" Joey grinned.
Serenity nodded. "I can't wait for you to read Little Red Riding Hood!"
(1) - Remember, they're kids.
(2) - I know they don't meet up until they're much older but... well... be quiet.
(3) - Work with me people... This isn't an AU for no reason, y'know. It's technically a younger cast, think of it that way.
D/N: Alright, so that's done. Don't worry everyone. I'll update my chapters for O.D.a.M and V.D soon! Ciao for now, peepos!