Chapter Five

A short time later as the faculty was sitting down to have lunch in the Great Hall, Jamie McEuen wondered in to join them.

"Good afternoon everyone," the caretaker said jovially as he took his seat at the table.

Many of the female members of staff greeted him warmly.

"Minerva?" Hermione asked. "Do you know where Professor O'Dell is? I expected him to join us for this meal before the students arrived this evening."

"I have no idea," the Headmistress replied. "I haven't seen him since this morning when he said something about working on his lesson plans. Maybe he lost track of the time."

"Perhaps," the young transfiguration replied with a speculative look in her eye. She then glanced a look at the sexy caretaker to see if perhaps he might shed some light, but he was currently engrossed in a conversation with Seamus Finnigan. They two were laughing gaily with one another.

Moments later, as if on cue, the doors to the Great Hall open again and in walks a little house elf wearing a pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem and wearing Muggle military combat boots with red glitter glued to them and walking a very large pig on a black leather leash. The pig was quite ordinary looking except the fact that it was wearing a bright neon pink tutu and had a lime green bowler hat on his head between its big piggy ears.

Trailing close behind was another house elf. This one was wearing a little yellow dress with a frilly lace collar, a yellow sun bonnet, a freshly pressed white apron with a little yellow duck embroidered on it with a bright orange bill, a pair of brand new Muggle high top athletic shoes whose brand name can't be mentioned due to copyright issues. This elf smiling timidly and was hugging a little Muggle toy called a Beanie Baby tightly wrapped in his little arms as if making sure no one took it away from him.

"Eppy, luv," called Jamie McEuen, "what do you have there?"

"Eppy is having a new pet Master," replied the elf in the pink dress. "After I's is teaching it to being a good little piggy he stopped fighting he did."

"Och, Eppy, m'luv, how many times duh I have to tell ye. Ya canna put lime green and neon pink together, it just dunna look right," scolded the caretaker with a large and damned sexy smile on his masculine face.

"Eppy is thinking it is being all prettiful, Master Jamie."

"I'm sure ya do."

"Um, Eppy," Hermione said tentatively. "Where did you get that pig? I don't remember seeing any in the castle earlier today."

"Then you's is not being looking in the right places," replied Eppy.

Frowning for a moment, Hermione Granger takes another tactic. "Eppy, do you know where Professor O'Dell is? He was supposed to have lunch with the rest of the staff."

"Umm, Eppy might be knowing where he is being."

"Eppy, m'luv, please tell me that ya dinna transfigure him into that wee little piggy there did ya?"

Tibby giggled and Eppy said, "Maybe."


"You mean to tell me," began Professor McGonagall disapprovingly, "that pig is my new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"Ah think so," Jamie said in his Scottish accent. Then looking a bit disapproving himself said, "However, you canna put all of the blame unto Eppy, he did start it by pickin' on Tibby there."

"It's true Minerva," Hermione said, trying to help. "Tibby was in Jamie's office crying because Professor O'Dell had been mean to him and taken away his gift from his master."

Looking at the two members of her staff, Professor McGonagall stood up and waved her wand over the pig, which almost immediately reverted back into Professor O'Dell. Of course, he was still wearing the lime green bowler hat and the neon pink tutu.

Standing up from where he lay on the floor, Kieran O'Dell sneers down at the two elves, Tibby in particular and draws back his hand as if to slap them both for their insolence. However, before he can strike Eppy jumps in between him and her brother.

"Just you's be trying it and Eppy is being making sure you's is introduced to 'Tallulah'."

"ENOUGH!" barked the Headmistress irritably.

Turning back to face the other teachers, Kieran O'Dell said, "Surely Minerva you can see that these abominations need to be punished for what they did to me."

"Perhaps," said the Headmistress in a placating manner. "However, these two are not the property of Hogwarts but rather of our new caretaker, Jamie McEuen. So therefore you have absolutely no jurisdiction about punishing them."

"He's is stealing my Garcia," Tibby said timidly while Eppy stood there looking ready to get her whip out. Actually it's surprising that she hadn't gotten it out already as she's done in the other stories.

"Is that true Kieran, did you take her … what was it again?"

"A Beanie Baby," said Hermione, "It's a kind of Muggle toy."

Looking at the transfiguration teacher skeptically, the Headmistress went on, "Yes, well, did you do that?"

"We are in a school of magic," Professor O'Dell said clearly. "Not some Muggle amusement park."

"Be that as it may," Professor McGonagall said, "you should not have upset them as they seem more than capable of defending themselves. Do you understand?"

"Of course, Professor."


A couple of hours later, Professor O'Dell was in his office still grumbling about his mistreatment by a mere house elf and his inability to inflict a proper punishment when he heard a voice from his door.

"Ya know, you look like the back end of cat walkin' east."

Professor O'Dell looked up and saw the handsome face of a tall Scottish wizard with wavy dark brown hair and eyes so black and mysterious that the offered no reflection what-so-ever and just the hint of a beard, or perhaps he just needed to shave wearing his dragon hide boots, skin tight Muggle denims and jet black form fitting Muggle t-shirt that just made his bulging chest look absolutely edible.

"Caretaker McEuen, what can I do for you this afternoon?"

"Och, now there be no need to be so formal Professor," came the reply of P. Jamison McEuen in his sexiest Scottish accent as he walked into the room. "I came by in the hopes that we could still be friends."

"We could be," conceded the stuck up his arse teacher of the Defense Against the Dark Arts. "Have you punished those two elves of yours yet?"

"No, I haven't. I could I suppose, but it would do little good. Tibby did nothin' wrong and Eppy … well, she has a tendency to enjoy punishments. So really nah punishment is really more a punishment to her."

Professor Kieran O'Dell looked slightly skeptical at this tidbit of information.

"Och, its true ya know," smiled Jamie McEuen. "Now let's have a wee bit of ah drink ta show there be no hard feelins' yeah?" Then with a swish of his wand, Jamie conjured a bottle of Madame Rosmerta's finest oak matured mead and two glasses.

Uncorking the bottle, Jamie pours some into the two glasses. "One for you and one for me."

Sighing, Kieran took his glasses and after clinking the two together, he took a sip from his drink. His eyes fell out of focus for a moment, just a moment mind you, and then he took a long hard look at the other man in his office.

"Is somethin' wrong Kieran?"

"No Jamie," the teacher said. "I guess I'm just seeing you in a whole new light I guess."

"Is that so? Well I look forward to that then won't I."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review