Title: "The Mustache from Outer Space"

Rating: T

Category: Humor/Sci-Fi

Author: grissomrocks

Summary: How Nick got his mustache.

Spoilers: "A Bullet Runs through It"

Disclaimer: Don't own any characters or plots related to CSI. However, the alien is mine – or is it the other way around? (Music from The Twilight Zone plays ominously – by the way, don't own that either.)

Once upon a time, there was a benign fuzzy alien life form who wanted to study the people of Earth. However, realizing it was tiny compared to humans, it had to devise a way to observe them safely.

One day while viewing some Earth visual entertainment, the alien noticed that some of the male humans had facial hair under their noses. The facial hair resembled its own kind almost perfectly. Wonderful! the alien thought excitedly. I can implant myself underneath the nose of a human male. It will be the optimal viewing point to observe this species.

It got into its shielded spacecraft and traveled to Earth. Its research had shown a multitude of cultures it could observe, but it decided to begin with human aberrant behavior. Therefore, it picked a large city known as Las Vegas. Research had shown the humans also called it Sin City. The alien believed this settlement would be an ideal place to find a host.

Hovering over the city, it began a scan to find its host. The most important requirement was that the host be male. A female host with hair under her nose would attract unwanted attention. The next most important feature was to be able to blend in with the host's own hair coloring. That meant the alien needed to find a male host with dark brown hair.

The alien waited patiently for the scan to finish. It had to further narrow the field of possible hosts by age (not too young, not too old) and how much they were exposed to aberrant behavior.

Of course, law enforcement, the alien thought as it looked at the results of the scan. They are exposed to the most aberrant behavior on a consistent basis. It discovered that the best choices were in a section called CSI.

The alien finally narrowed its choice down to one male. The male met all the criteria and even more. Using a special detector, the alien had the ability to scan human minds and found this potential host had a very unique personality. The potential host had been subjected to multiple mental and physical attacks from human aberrants, yet he never seemed to waver in his goal of finding those whose behavior was deviant enough to harm others. And even after being exposed to this behavior continually, he still had a very positive attitude about his species.

Having tracked the male to his dwelling, the alien followed him inside. It landed its spacecraft in a secure part of the home and waited for the human to sleep. That would be the optimal time to attach itself.

After the male had fallen asleep, the alien carefully crept into the bedroom and positioned itself under the human's nose. It injected a mild mind-altering chemical into the human which would make him believe he wanted the facial hair all along. It also injected a probe which would allow it to continually monitor the human's thoughts and emotions. With the chemical and probe successfully in place, the alien settled in to observe humanity.

Nick Stokes woke up and headed for his bathroom. He almost didn't recognize the face that looked back at him from the mirror. Wow, this mustache looks great, was his first thought. He reached for a pair of small scissors. Maybe I should trim it a little bit, though.

The alien nearly panicked. No! No trimming! Amputation was definitely not on the agenda when it decided to visit Earth. It quickly increased the dosage of the mind-altering chemical so Nick would be convinced that the mustache would be fine as is. The chemical would also make Nick believe that he trimmed it every day since, obviously, it wasn't going to grow like a human mustache.

Thankfully for the alien, the chemical acted fast. Just as Nick was about to make the first clip, he changed his mind. As he put the scissors away, a sense of extreme relief flooded through the alien.

The alien was very pleased with the data it collected over the next few months. It would've been content to stay with Nick for years, but it discovered it needed to find a new host.

Nick's friends had teased him constantly about the mustache. Some people complained that it made him look old. Some people believed that he resembled a seventies porn star. Others wondered where he picked up the dead rat.

Although Nick laughed along with them, the alien knew the human's feelings were hurt. The alien hadn't meant to subject Nick to ridicule. So one day, the alien removed the probe and neutralized the chemicals in Nick's system – except for one that would make Nick believe he decided to shave the mustache himself.

The alien felt there was still much more to learn from these people known as CSIs, so it started another scan to find another host. This time, preferably, someone who didn't have many friends who would tease him.

Factoring that criteria in, the list was narrowed considerably. The alien did eventually find a new host. He wasn't as intelligent as the others and didn't have any friends, but the alien felt it could learn from him about how this unit called CSI was organized.

The next morning, Conrad Ecklie woke up and headed for his bathroom . . .

The End