Today on Springer: Men Who Love Women Who Love Demons
Introduction: Hey ya'll! It's Daemen Reisho here! What? None of you know who I am? Helloooo? Oh, blow you! You fools!
InuYasha: Hey, aren't you the guy who did that fanfiction about some kid named Sioris? The one with Donald Duck and Goofy? That was gay.
Daemen Reisho: Why yes, I am the architect of such a fanfiction entitled Kingdom Hearts: The Heart of All Parodies and…HEY!
Kagome: But aren't you still working on that one? Don't tell me you're giving up.
Deamen Reisho: No, no. I'm still working on that one. This is just a little break. But anyways…This is a one-shot, InuYasha fanfiction about the InuYashsa characters on Jerry Springer. Tekki-Maru is still very much in love with Izaiyoui, InuYasha's mother. But she chose a demon for her lover. Labeling her a demon loving whore, Tekki-Maru calls the best expert in dealing with such domestic disputes: Jerry Springer. And I bet you know where this is going…
InuYasha: Hey, wait a god damn second! One shot? So a story about Mickey Mouse and some purple haired fag who's barely reached puberty deserves a multi-chaptered saga, but we're just one-shot? That's bull!
Daemen Reisho: Well uhh…uhhh…
Daemen Reisho: Well…oh! You see…you're too special to need a multipart saga…yeah…heh-heh…
Daemen Reisho: Uh, yeah! You know, wouldn't want to wear you're character out (like Bandai does with all the InuYasha toys, games, action figures and Ani-Manga), now would we?
InuYasha: No, I guess not.
Daemen Reisho: (Phew, that was close.)
InuYasha: What was that?
Daemen Reisho: Nothing….Let's get to the legal stuff, okay?
Disclaimer: Daemen Reisho does not own InuYasha (the T.V show) or any of its characters. Nor does Daemen Reisho own Jerry Springer. Nor does Daemen Reisho particularly WANT to own Jerry Springer.
"Hello, and welcome to the Jerry Springer show," said host Jerry Springer into his microphone, "Today's topic: 'Men Who Love Women Who Love Demons'. Now I'd like to bring out our first guest, "Tekki-Maru. Everyone please welcome Tekki-Maru."
The audience cheers as the camera does a close-up on the black haired Tekki-Maru in red samurai armor whose British accent is oddly out of place in Feudal Japan.
"Thank you, Jerry. It is good to be here," said the charming and absurdly named Tekki-Maru.
"Now, Tekki, can I call you Tekki," asked Jerry Springer, "can you tell the audience, in your own words, why exactly you are here today."
"Well, Jerry, first of all: no you cannot call me that," Answered Tekki-Maru, "And second: I am a man who loves a woman who loves a demon. I love her very much and she broke my heart."
The audience goes "awww" right on cue like always. And nobody tells them to do it either, nope. It's all an honest reaction from each audience member as cued by the guy with the "Go: Awww" sign.
"Well, Tekki-Maru," Said Jerry, "that's a very sad story. That's why I'm going to further your anguish (and possibly this conflict in the interest of T.V. ratings) by bringing out Izaiyoui, your lost love! Everyone welcome Izaiyoui!
Izaiyoui walks out on stage. Random insults like "You whore!" and "Demon loving whore!" along with plenty of booings are thrown out at her as she takes her seat.
"Aww, what do you mother bleep s know? You don't know bleep !" Izaiyoui retaliated verbally.
"Booo!" the audience interrupts Jerry.
"Erm…Now Izaiyoui, tell us-"
"Boooo! Demon loving whore!"
"Shut the bleep up!" commanded Jerry Springer. And all was silent, "Now miss Izaiyoui, could you tell us in your own words, your side of the story?"
"Umm…what was my line?" asked Izaiyoui, "Oh, the cue cards? There? Okay. We'll Jerry; I'm in love with a now deceased demon."
"Oh shut the bleep up! You mother bleep s will never know what I've gone through!" yelled Izaiyoui.
The insensitive, redneck audience continues booing.
"You stupid whore!" said Tekki-Maru. "You left me for a demon! And a dog demon no less!"
The audience shows their profound detest with more booing and a series of insults.
"What's so great about him? Do you like taking it up the back door? He is a dog demon after all!" Tekki-Maru insulted.
The audience concurs with things like "Oooooh, burn!"
"Stop it!" Izaiyoui command meekly. She seemed as though she was about to cry.
The audience shows their remorse and acknowledges her sadness with more booing and "demon loving whore comments".
"Well everyone we're going to take a quick commercial break, but when we get back, we'll meet Izaiyoui's son," said Jerry. The crowd the n cheers as the screen fades out.
Is you're son at least one hundred years old, is a pretty boy whom is mistaken for a homosexual on a regular basis, and is trying to kill you and take your magic swords in order to rule the earth? If so, call the Jerry Springer show at 1-800-thisisfreakingbullredneckentertainmentandwedothisnotforanybody'sbenifitbuttolineourownpocketswithgold.
That's 1-800- thisisfreakingbullredneckentertainmentandwedothisnotforanybody'sbenifitbuttolineourownpocketswithgold.
All calls are completely confidential unless we put you on the show. Then, your lives become public domain and you will be subject to ridicule everywhere you go and we'll be sitting in our big expensive villas doing lines of cocaine off of hookers' asses as we laugh at you stupid redneck asses.
Commercial: Do you go to sleep at night? And wake up in the morning? If so, ask your doctor about our random bullshit medicine. Let our random bullshit drugs cure you of…something.
"Hello and welcome back to the show. Now Izaiyoui, honey, "Said Jerry in a fake sympathetic voice, "I understand you had a child with your demon lover. Is this true?"
"Yes," she said, choking back tears, "and I love him very much."
"Well we have a surprise for you, Izaiyoui," said Jerry, "You're son, InuYasha!"
Izaiyoui looked up in awe as InuYasha walked out on-stage accompanied by booo's and comments like "Half-breed!"
Izaiyoui jumped out of her seat and ran to her son. They embraced each other lovingly amidst the audience's appreciative booing during this dramatic scene.
"Mother…," whispered InuYasha.
"What the bleep is this?" commanded Tekki-Maru, "This mother bleep ing abomination?"
"Tekki-Maru…this is my son, InuYasha," announced Izaiyoui.
"I know that. I tried to kill him. I mean, how can you love this, thing?"
The audience once again takes Tekki-Maru's side with their cheering.
"Oh shut the bleep up! Go bleep yourselves you bleep ing rednecks!" commanded InuYasha. The audience commenced the booing.
"Well InuYasha, I understand you also have a mortal lover."
"Yes, Jerry. She's-"
"Well let's bring her out. Everyone please welcome Kagome Higaurashi!"
Kagome walks out onstage. Everyone boo's.
"Stupid mother bleep ers" Kagome yells as she takes her seat beside InuYasha.
"And also let's go ahead and bring out another pair of demon on human lovers and…uh…their lackey. Please welcome Sessomaru, Rin, and Jaken."
More booing…real friendly people, those rednecks are.
Sessomaru, Rin, and Jaken take their seats.
"Now Kagome," said Springer "Is it true you love InuYasha?"
"Yes it is. I know its wrong but I don't care. I love him," Kagome said tearfully while she and InuYasha held hands.
"Booooo!" said the crowd. But then one man went, "aawww," and the entire audience stared at him angrily. "Oh…I mean…booo! Demon loving whores!" The rest of the audience chimed in, "Booo! Demon loving whores!"
"And you, Sessomaru, do you love this young girl?"
"Nonsense," said Sessomaru, "I love no one."
"That's not what you said last night, Lord Sessomaru," interrupted Jaken, "Remember last night when you were all curled up next Rin and-"
POW! Sessomaru punched Jaken right in the face.
"And what's your affiliation with this group?" asked Jerry to Jaken.
"Nobody, Jerry…I'm n-nobody. Uuuggg," Jaken said before falling unconscious on the floor.
"OOooookay…." said Jerry, "And you are, little girl?"
"Hello Jerry, my name is Rin," Said Rin, "And I'm in love with Sessomaru even though I'm just a little girl and this infatuation is like the Feudal Era equivalent to a modern girl's crush on Justin Timberlake."
The audience goes "aww" just because she's a little girl.
"Well…okay then. Tekki-Maru, would you like to comment?"
"Yes I would, Jerry," said Tekki-Maru, "First of all, what is with you women? Their dog demons! Do you all like it up the bleep ing back door? bleep ing whores!"
"OOooo, burn," says the audience.
"And second, what's with this bleep ing silver-haired pretty-boy all hyped up on Herbal Essence? Are you a pedophile or something? She's like, what, six?"
The audience chants "Pedophile, Pedophile, Pedophile!"
"Okay, that's bleep ing it!" Sessomaru yells to the audience as he unsheathes his Tokijin sword. "Dragon Strike!"
Half the crowd is vaporized by the blast.
"Hey! You can't just Dragon Strike my audience!" commanded Jerry Springer.
"You want some, bleep head?" asked Sessomaru holding his sword to Jerry.
"No…not really…" Jerry Springer backed away.
"Oh, a pedophile and a brute. What a combination!" Tekki-Maru insulted Sessomaru.
"Pedophile this, bleep head!" Sessomaru said, "Dragon Strike!"
With that, Tekki-Maru is vaporized.
The remaining audience members chant "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!" at the sight of the real reason why people watch Jerry Springer.
"Hey, Sessomaru," said InuYasha, "I wanted to kill that ass hole!"
"You want to fight over it?"
"Just try it!" InuYasha drew his Tetsusaiga and it was on.
"Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!"
Jerry Springer walked in front of the violent scene to give his closing words:
"You know, I think what we've learned here today is it's not about your race, looks, age, or even weather or not you're bound to this mortal coil. What matters is what's on the inside. And-"
"Outta my way!" said InuYasha as he slashes Jerry Springer's head clean off.
The screen then fades to black and shows the credits. But is it really over? I think not. Let's watch the hidden camera and see what happens after the credits roll.
"Good work, half-breed," said Sessomaru, "You killed the host!"
"Well, what the hell was I supposed to do, dog breath," said InuYasha, "The mother bleep er was in my way! And why the hell are we still being censored?"
Suddenly, the cue card guy who cues the audience holds out the "Attack and Massacre" cue card. The audience attacks en masse.
"Oh my god!" screamed Kagome.
InuYasha kills an audience member. "Damn! What are we gonna do?"
"We've got to get out of here!" Said Izaiyoui.
"Windsacar!" InuYasha slays 100 audience members, barely putting a dent in their numbers, "So many rednecks…damn it…"
"I'll get us out of here!" announced Sessomaru grabbing Jaken by the head.
"Wait, Lord Sessomaru, what are you doing? AHHHH!" Sessomaru throws Jaken into the audience.
"He's into incest!" Rin calls out.
The massive redneck army converges on Jaken. The rest is too graphic to describe. But it afforded enough time for the InuYasha characters to escape.
They say one could still here a tiny cry coming from the crowd of rednecks as our heroes made their escape, "Master Sessomaruuuuuuu!"
"Wow, nice work, Rin," Said Kagome. Everyone was now safe and sound back in the Feudal Era.
"Oh it was nothing." Rin said modestly.
"Well…what do we do now?" Asked Izaiyoui.
"Wanna try Dr. Phil?" Asked Sessomaru jokingly.
"Hell no!" said InuYasha.
And they all laughed together.
But what about Miroku, Sango, and Shippo you ask?
Well, as they we're walking down the road to meet InuYasha and Kagome, they came upon all of them laughing their assed off.
"I don't even want to know." said Sango.
"Let's go." said Shippo.
Just then, Sango noticed something touching her…on her ass.
"Now Sango, don't be rash…"
Miroku is sent flying by Sango's blow right into the hidden camera, ending the transmission.
The man sighed, "So there you have it. Is this an example of the cruelty of all of humanity and demoness? Or was the Feudal Era that bleep ed up? I'm Dan Rather, and this has been 60 minutes. Goodnight everyone."
….or is it?
A/n: So what did you think of it? Please read and review.