Things That Go Bang in the Night


Something was banging around somewhere… that was the first thing I thought when I woke up. Oh. It was my head. Or was it Goku's voice?

"Sanzo! I'm scared!" To emphasize his statement, Goku pounded his foot against the ground. Bang…

"Stupid monkey! Leave me alone."


Something was definitely happening in the other room. Something was… banging… thumping steadily. Maybe it was furniture. It sounded like a bed was rocking. But that's not possible.

"Sanzo! It's scary!"

I rolled over. I closed my eyes. I was about to drift off when the stupid monkey stomped his foot again. "Sanzo, do something!"

God! It was one in the morning, and I needed my sleep. I didn't need this. I stood up, but only because I needed a cigarette. Something was banging incessantly in my head. I was out of cigarettes.

"Fine! I'll go see what's happening." But it was only because I needed a cigarette!

Goku leapt upward, giving me a hug that only increased the banging in my heart. NO! My head, stupid. My head was banging incessantly.

"Sanzo! Will you do something about that BANGING?"

"What?" The baka was reading my mind, now? Damnit. Damnit.

"In the other room! Are you deaf or something, Sanzo? NOW DO SOMETHING!"

Oh. That banging. Right. I sighed, resigning to the steady thumping of undefined objects.


I stomped over to the door, Goku following closely. I flung it opened, stepped through the threshold, and slammed it closed. Bang. Goku flinched at the sound, but followed. The thumping was even louder from out here, and it was sounding even more like wood… it was like the furniture was walking. But that's not possible. Stupid.

I moved towards Hakkai and Gojyo's room, where the banging was coming from. Or was it my head? … I felt like someone was moving furniture in my head. Anyway a cigarette would fix that. I was only here to take some cigarettes from Gojyo.


I stepped to the door and drew my gun. In case something was happening. Not that anything was. I just needed some smokes, really. I threw the door open, glaring into the room.

BANG! The door slammed into the wall.

Huh. One of the legs of the bed was too short, and with every movement that their grinding hips made, the bed rocked and thumped against the ground.

Goku whimpered slightly, probably afraid of my anger. Or maybe he was afraid of the stupidly lustful figures before us. I pulled out my gun, aiming at their two, connected bodies.

Regaining my composure, I aimed my gun not to kill, but to bring the two out of their love-filled stupor. I shot.


They looked up. I slowly said, "Hakkai. Gojyo. I do not tolerate things that go bang in the night."