Art…Or Something

Disclaimer: There is no disclaimer. Aggh showed up and ate it. Sorry!

Author's Note: I figured that it was time that I did a one shot for the X-Men. After all, they're a great source of comedy, too. Here we go! Enjoy!

The Xavier Institute

The adult instructors of the Xavier Institute were gathered around Professor Xavier's office. And one of them was none too happy.

"Come on, Chuck! Why do I have to do this?" Logan, the feral Canadian codenamed Wolverine groaned. "I don't know anything about art!"

"Oh, it's not that hard." Warren Worthington III, the white-winged millionaire codenamed Angel rolled his eyes with a smile.

"Not that hard?" Wolverine grunted, crossing his arms. "It's the New Mutants. They're crazy enough. Not to mention now we got one girl whose anger can put the Scarlet Witch to shame, and one that sees talking ponies." He then realized something. "Speaking of which, what happened to those ponies?"

"Trinity loaned us a catapult, and it sent them back home." Ororo Munroe, the white-haired weather-manipulator codenamed Storm replied.

"I think it would be most interesting." Hank McCoy, the blue-furred gorilla-like mutant codenamed Beast grinned. Logan groaned. "I wonder if art is another talent you have kept hidden from us."

"I will need a lot of beer later. I just know it." With that said, Wolverine stormed off to teach the art class. A little later, he found himself in a room with the New Mutants, drawing on easels. "All right, let's get this over with no jokes, Ice Cube." Wolverine warned, pointing at Bobby. "Just draw pictures. Try to keep the pictures to PG-13 or less, that means you, Snowball."

"Fine." Rose Wilson, the white-haired teenage martial artist codenamed Ravager grumbled, crossing her arms.

"And Blondie…" Logan turned to a blonde girl. "No pony pictures this time, please? I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you drew other stuff."

"Okay." Megan, codenamed Camo for her ability to blend into her surroundings, nodded. She then muttered something. "Killjoy."

"I heard that, young lady." Logan told her as he sat behind the desk, and picked up a newspaper. "What're you all waiting for, me to fire a pistol into the air? Get drawing." The feral grunted as he opened up the newspaper, leaned back on his chair, put his feet up on the desk and started reading. A little while later, Wolverine went to inspect the pictures. He noticed Jean had drawn a picture of Paul Starr, the Misfit codenamed Starchild, on a stage in his Superstars costume. "Huh." He noticed Amara had drawn one of Paul as a Roman emperor. "Uh…"

"You like?" Amara grinned.

"Whatever." Logan shrugged. He looked over at the other pictures. Among them was Ray's drawing of a giant sandwich, Bobby's picture of a donkey with Scott's face, and Sam's farm landscape, Jamie's guitar, and Roberto's rendition of the Sun. He then looked at Megan's. "Blondie, I see you didn't draw any ponies this time." Megan smiled. "But why do those kids have little horns on them?"

"They're how I see them." Megan explained. Logan looked at Rose's picture.

"Snowball, what did I say about keeping it PG-13 or lower?"

"What?" Rose shrugged innocently. "I didn't dismember him this time!"

"No, you have him getting impaled and 'Die Slade Die' at the top of the picture." Logan countered.

"And that's a bad thing?" Rose blinked in confusion. Logan groaned.

"I think you need to have a talk with the shrink."

"What shrink?" Tabitha quipped.

"Very funny." Rose rolled her eyes.

"Alright, Smith. What did you…" Logan looked at Tabitha's picture. And his face paled and eyes widened. "Oh for crying out loud, Tabitha! This isn't Playgirl! I said keep it to PG-13!"

"I thought you were talking to Rose." Tabby blinked.

"Why am I not surprised?" Rose smirked.

"I think it's nice." Tabby grinned at her picture. Rose leaned over.

"Only you would render the Starchild like that, Tabby. You're shameless." Rose shook her head. " So that means…cool! I had the tamer picture for once!" Rose whooped.

"Not one more word, Ravager." Logan groaned. "It's official. I hate this class. The two craziest people in here actually had tame pictures."

"Hey, chill out." Rose reassured. "I didn't put in the guillotine in this time." Logan pointed at something on Megan's picture.

"Blondie, why is there a fifty-foot spider in the background?"

"That's Agg." Megan explained. "He lives in the volcano with the witches. He's like their version of Polly, except he can't talk."

"Did you take your medication this morning?" Logan grunted.

"Yeah, why?" Megan blinked. The other New Mutants were watching and snickering at the whole scene. An hour later, an angry Wolverine barged into the Professor's study.

"How did it go, Logan?" Xavier asked.

"Chuck, I am not doing that class anymore!" The grizzled Canadian grunted. "Those kids are crazy!"

"You mean Camo and Ravager?" Beast deduced.

"No." Logan sighed. "They had saner pictures. That's the scary part." The other adults blinked. Who could've possibly beaten those two in insane pictures.

"How bad was it?" Storm inquired right before Wolverine handed her a couple pictures.

"That one is the one Rose did." Logan as he pointed to the picture of Slade getting impaled. "That was after I talked her out of painting a guillotine."

"Okay…" Strom blinked.

"And behind it is the one that Tabitha did of Glamboy." Wolverine grunted. 'Glamboy' was his nickname for Paul Starr. Storm moved Rose's picture. Meanwhile, a mailman was walking up to the front fence of the Institute. He was about to ring the bell when…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ororo's scream caused the poor mailman to jump and fall backwards.

"See what I mean?" Logan sighed.

"Why can't these classes ever work on a sane level?" Xavier groaned. "It's always somebody. Logan, pass the scotch."

"Make it a double." Storm added.

The End