You know, I kept a diary once. It was a long time ago, but I was thinking about it, and I decided it might be interesting to do so again. For nostalgia's sake.
Because, of course, last time some little brat stabbed my diary with a tooth pilfered from the bleeding corpse of my favorite pet...
He will suffer for that. In fact, he has suffered for it. I killed his godfather, and his precious Headmaster, and that's only the beginning! I will bathe his world in blood for what he's done to me!
You know, a world bathed in blood would be pretty cool, if you think about it. A little too red for my tastes, though. Isn't it funny? A world bathed in blood would be a world covered in Gryffindor's colors - and a world covered in life and green things would be Slytherin's.
And they say that Slytherins are the evil ones. Ha.
I had a Death Eater meeting today. It went well. Bella and Lilith almost got into a catfight! I think I will definitely start throwing them together more often. Build pain tolerance, and all that. Cat fights are entertaining. I haven't seen a good one since I stole that necklace from what's-her-face back in Hogwarts and got her to blame her best friend. Now that was a stroke of Slytherin genius.
I heard Shay and Lucius talking after the meeting about my habit of torturing people. Lucius, of course, wasn't happy with that bloody nose I gave him. Apparently the blood won't be coming out of the silk handkerchief any time soon. Well whose fault is that? Why bring expensive handkerchiefs when you know that you'll be using them to wipe up blood? That seems a bit stupid to me. Ah, but he's a Malfoy, and vanity runs in their blood.
Shay likes my torturing methods, the sadistic bastard. Heh, me, calling someone else sadistic! Ha! That's a laugh! Anyways, he's got a lot of the same theories as me, and was explaining them to Lucius, who apparently isn't as well versed on the subject of pain as my bloody-minded frenchman.
I love having a professional military torturer on my side... It makes things so interesting! I love watching the man work. He get's so into everything, it's really beautiful. The screams he can get! I have to say that he's better than I am. (See, this is why I need a diary. I can't admit to anyone being better than me at anything out loud - but I'm not so stupid that I can't recognize other people's strengths to myself. Privately. Where no one else can see.)
I wonder if I should write out a document on pain theory and pain tolerance. If I wrote it under a psuedonym, I wonder how many people would read it. Maybe I could even pass it off as a medical document! Wouldn't that be a laugh? Getting Saint Mungos to use the Dark Lord's theories?
Nagini says I'm crazy. She wanted to know why I was making the funny noises, so I told her what I'm writing to you, dear diary. She said I'm absolutley flipping nuts. I didn't know that snakes had a concept of crazy.
I gues you learn knew things every day, even at 70.
I don't want to be 70. That's so old! I'm still at the prime of my life! I'm vital, and energetic, and I'm young. I wonder, since I have all those lawyers pledged to me... Maybe I should put some on the task of editing all the records of my birth to say I'm only 40 or something.
Actually, maybe that's not necessary. I was technically born just a few years ago, when I did that ritual. People always talk about dancing on hated people's graves. It's definitely just as good as they say it is. Dancing on my father's grave was seriously the highlight of the evening. Almost made up for that stupid brother wand crap that foiled me. Again. Damnit.
Why won't that stupid brat die already? I'm going to kill him. One of these days, I'm going to crucify him upside down and poke burning needles into his belly and scoop out his eyeballs with a rusty spoon and cut out his tongue with one of Shay's pretty daggers and pull all his nails off with a tweezer and scalp him. I've always wanted to scalp someone. I used to love Westerns as a kid. Maybe I should practice so I'll be able to do it right. At my next meeting, I'll make sure to find someone to scalp.
I wonder what I should do with the scalp? I mean, I know the Indians used them as trophies, but I have plenty of trophies. If I wanted gruesome trophies, I would take the whole head. Wouldn't that be an interesting parlor? Instead of stuffed animal heads, I could have Death Eater heads! Mounted on plaques like those horrid House Elves at the old Black house. I wonder whatever happened to the old Black house. Oh well. Probably doesn't matter. It was a horrible place, anyways. I like Malfoy manor better.
I want a castle.A good old fashioned castle hideout, with battlements and a moat and a drawbridge. That would be so cool! And I could pour boiling oil on those stupid bird-brained Order members, and have fried phoenix for dinner. I wonder what fried phoenix would taste like. Chicken, maybe? Everything tastes like chicken. Or maybe chicken tastes like everything? Maybe I should write a disertation about that instead of pain. It would probably be just as interesting.
Paperwork is horrid. I hate it. When I rule the world, I'm going to outlaw paperwork. That'll probably win a lot of converts to my side. No more paperwork... Ah, we could burn it all! All of that paperwork, up in flames. It would be a beautiful sight. Thousands of roaring bonfires!
I like fire. It's so beautiful, and elegant. Powerful. Dangerous. Unpredictable. A million possibilities contained in one dancing substance. I think fire ought to consume the world. It would be even better than bathing the world in blood. I admire fire. If I could be anything but the Dark Lord, I think I would want to be fire.
And when we run out of paperwork to feed the fires, we can throw those bloody Order members in! And the ministry, and the aurors. And the Muggles. And the mudbloods. I love the smell of roasting flesh.
Well, dear diary, I should probably get to bed. Yes, yes, even Dark Lords need their sleep. I have a busy day tomorrow, I'll have you know! People to kill, worlds to conquer...
I will speak with you later, darling diary.
Yes, Voldemort is crazy. That's why I love him. He's writing this after HBP, and depending on whether or not people like it, may go up to the final battle. I may also write back-entries, include letters, or possibly even include actual snippets of dialouge and setting. Let me know what you guys are interested in seeing!
Future chapters will likely be longer.