Hey, look, chapter ten! Jubilations!
Anyway... LOL GUYS I'M IN COLLEGE. 8D So sorry if my updates- wait, my updating sucks regardless. Never mind. Although I did honestly have major writers block for this chapter. I wrote up to the first scene break in May and couldn't think of anything from there. D: But then I did after a few months but I decided not to write it until my birthday because I'm an attention whore. THAT'S RIGHT KIDS, THE OTAKU'S 18. I demand cake! And strippers! Or, uh, maybe just reviews. 8D
Er, anyway, here's the fic. Enjoy!
When Zelda was finally able to escape from the restaurant, she headed straight to the castle, bracing herself for her father's reaction. She hoped he would be angry and absolutely forbid such a union, but on the contrary, when she entered the throne room, her father nearly tackled her and said excitedly, "Oh Zelda, oh Zelda dear! I thought you'd never get married!" He then proceeded to cry and shout, "NO, NO, DON'T LEAVE ME!"
Then when the King was lying on the floor, clinging to the hem of Zelda's dress and telling the cook between sobs what should be done about the wedding cake, Zelda wrenched her skirt free and fled to her room. When she arrived, she slammed the door behind her and screamed, "OTAKU!"
The otaku jumped out of Zelda's closet, laughing hysterically.
"Haha, I just jumped out of your closet! Haha, see, it's funny because it's like a gay joke, only we're not gay and this… isn't funny… yeah." She shuffled her feet in an awkward manner.
"Listen you," Zelda said, crossing her arms and glaring at the authoress, "can you make it so that I'm not getting married?"
"Let me check the rule book on that," the otaku said. She pulled a small leather-bound book from her pocket that had "Rules of Fanfiction" written in gold print along the spine. "There doesn't seem to by any rule against it," the otaku muttered, flipping through the pages.
"Let me see," Zelda demanded. The otaku handed her the book and Zelda began going through it.
"Why, there's nothing written!" Zelda exclaimed. "Oh, wait a second-" she began going back a few pages. "Rule 34?"
"That doesn't concern you," the authoress said, snatching the book away from her. "Listen, I'm in the middle of reading some slash fic so if you'll excuse me."
"Wait, wait, you said you could-!"
But the otaku had already disappeared.
Link was wandering listlessly through the streets of the Market, oblivious to the sympathetic looks he received from those who passed him by. He was too absorbed in his misery. Zelda flirting with other guys? Ok, whatever. Zelda giggling about boys with Malon and Saria? Sure thing, have fun. Zelda actually getting engaged? Excuuuuuse me, princess. Link had been hoping that Zelda would never get married. He had always dreamed of going up to her twenty years later, he married with kids, she alone and bitter, and saying firmly and with much amusement, "Ha." A rather stupid plan it was, since the royal bloodline was supposed to be continued, but Link wasn't necessarily the sharpest arrow in the quiver.
He knew she was only marrying for the muffins. He knew it. And yet, the fact that it was Ganondorf she chose made him feel a twinge of anger. Link was certainly more capable of getting muffins than Ganondorf. Link had his own secret muffin chamber, didn't he? And he was much more attractive than Ganondorf. Although he had to admit, Ganondorf was deliciously muscular under his armor and his skin was flawless with its soft green hue.
Link stopped walking and crossed his arms. No, it was no use acting like a kicked puppy. He would confront Zelda and Ganondorf. Better yet, he would sabotage their wedding. He grinned and cackled with delight before running back to his apartment to plot.
There was a knock at Zelda's door, and Zelda went and pulled the door open. Standing in the hallway was Ganondorf. He shoved her aside and barged into her room, shouting, "WHAT IS GOING ON?" as he did so. Zelda shut the door and said, "What, you don't remember?"
"'Course I don't!" Ganondorf said. "Did you see how much ale I chugged? I'm lucky my liver didn't explode."
Zelda rolled her eyes. "Well, apparently, some stupid woman thought we were engaged and now everyone else thinks so. My dad's off planning our wedding and he won't listen to a thing I say!"
"He won't listen to me, either," Ganondorf sighed. "He let me into the castle without protest and when I told him I was going to kill him he laughed and started going on about how funny I was."
"You actually kill him and I'll make our honeymoon a nightmare," Zelda threatened. But then they both burst out laughing.
"So, what should we do?" Zelda asked. "No offense, but I am not marrying you. You're evil."
"And I'm certainly not marrying you because you can have me sealed in the Sacred Realm again if we ever get into a fight."
"Well, we could hire someone to sabotage the wedding. The question is, who?"
They both thought for a second. Zelda considered Link first, but she hadn't seen him in ages so he was probably off adventuring or something. Then she thought about Malon. Malon could unleash mad cows if she had to.
"I got it!" Ganondorf exclaimed after a moment. "Nabooru!"
"Ok, what'll she do?"
"Scorned lover," Ganondorf said. "We'll pretend I was engaged to her and I ran off and she's back to claim me."
"Oh, that's good," Zelda said. "She can threaten to kill me unless you go back to the desert with her."
"Perfect! No one will blame you, Nabooru will be looked upon with pity even though she's threatening to kill you, and I'll be seen as an evil bastard. Everybody wins!"
"Ok, you go tell her the plans. My dad's setting the wedding for next week, so we should have enough time to perfect this."
"Yup. Well, I'll be off now. Bye Zelly," Ganondorf said as he left the room.
"See ya, Ganny," Zelda called after him. Zelda sat down on her bed and sighed with contentment. By next week everything would be back to normal. Even though normal still meant no muffins. Oh, well, better to not be married to Ganondorf and muffinless then to be married to Ganondorf with muffins. Or maybe not, Ganny was pretty cool when he wasn't being evil.
"Bah, who needs marriage anyway?" Zelda said aloud. She reclined in her bed and closed her eyes. She deserved a nap after being so clever.
I KNOW, IT'S SHORT AND UNFUNNY AGAIN, I'M SO SORRY. I have finals this week so my mind's kind of more focused on academics than fanfiction.
Next chapter will be the wedding chapter and gosh darn it, I will try my damn best to write it during my winter break and make it long. Of course, it MAY be my last chapter. I'm kind of not feeling this fic anymore, y'know? But don't worry, I have some more Zelda fics planned.
Anywho, thanks for reading! Crit is always loved!