Enemy Vessels 3

Enemy Vessels 3

Emperor Palpatine carefully stepped out of the shower and glanced down at his bony, hairy legs. The dark hair was so thick and bristly that his legs resembled hairbrushes instead of human limbs, each individual hair poking outward and fighting for space. Deciding it was time to shave once more, Palpatine pulled out his Industrial Strength Shaver and plugged it into the nearby outlet. Lifting a leg carefully to set it on top of his toilet lid, he flipped the ON switch on the electrical razor.

Nothing happened.

"Drat!" Palpatine complained loudly, his yellow teeth flashing as he shook the instrument angrily, hoping that it would start humming as it was supposed to. He had wanted to go sit by his pool now that summer had come to Coruscant but how could he with his legs resembling a wookie? "It's that darn power failure again!"

Coruscant had been having many major power failures in the last month and no one knew exactly why. There were plenty of power plants busy making power, more than the entire planet could ever use. Yet on many days the power was just sucked out of the grid going, well, no one knew where it was going. Palpatine had even missed his favorite holoshow the other night, Sinister Siths. And if there was anything that made Palpatine's blood boil, it was missing Sinister Siths.

The technicians had tried to track it and the bleed seemed to be coming from the heart of downtown Coruscant, but that made no sense. That area was mostly taken up by Palpatine's and Vader's castles plus a few other high-ranking people or office complexes. None of them could possibly use that much electricity no matter how many gadgets they plugged in.

The Sith Lord frowned as he pulled on his dark Sith Robe over his bony body. Darth Confundus was staying with his father and if anyone had a knack for making trouble, it was he! But surely even the boy couldn't use so much electrical power. It was just impossible.

Wasn't it?


Luke Skywalker strolled out into Darth Vader's backyard, a heavy power cable in his gloved hands. The cable was immensely thick and he had to use the Force to carry it, as it was almost larger than he was tall. But he had to feed his pet.

Luke had been thrilled when Darth Vader had told him he could keep Godzilla. The truth was Vader had no idea how to remove such a large creature so it was simply easier to let it stay. The giant monster was in the courtyard surrounded by Vader's Castle so passersby's couldn't see it. The last thing Vader wanted was word getting back to the Emperor of the monstrous reptile Luke was keeping as a pet. Of course, it was a mystery as to how Luke had gotten it into the courtyard...

Some things were best left unasked.

Vader just thanked the Sith that the thing kept its mouth shut and didn't make that awful sound as it had the very first time he had seen it. The day that had happened, he had been deaf for two days and every window in the castle had broken at once. And they were supposed to be unbreakable windows, totally shatterproof! But he had cashed in on his Insurance Policy and the windows had been repaired without costing him a credit. Still, his nerves were a wreck as he was constantly worrying what the monster might do. Its body was large but it had a brain smaller than a peanut. And that was a recipe for disaster.

Of course, have Luke around was plenty disaster by itself. It's why the Emperor called Luke "Darth Confundus".

"Look what I have, Godzilla! It's lunch time!" Luke called happily to the giant monster, totally fearless. The monster turned its head and peered down at him with black beady pupils. Spotting the power hose, he eagerly opened his mouth and Luke used the Force to float the hose up to him. Then the big greenish-gray monster gripped the hose like one does a straw and started to suck electricity.


"Nooooooooo!" Palpatine cried angrily as the lift he was in suddenly stopped between floors. He pounded his fists on the control panel, his eyes growing redder by the minute. "Not again! Start, you darn lift! I command you to go!"

But the lift refused to move a single inch.

Palpatine glowered and reached out with the Force. If he could just unhook the safety gizmo that held the lift in place, it should start to descend down the shaft, as he desired it to.


The safety unhooked and the lift started to drop, Palpatine chuckling in glee. But his snickers soon died off as he felt himself picked up off the floor to be crushed up against the ceiling. The lift was falling too fast now!

"Noooooo! Stop!! Stop!! I command you to stop!"

The lift stopped suddenly as Palpatine squeezed the brake with the Force and he was slammed back onto the floor. The door whooshed open onto a dark corridor, the Sith Master crawling out on his hands and knees. Once in the relative safety of the darkened corridor, he collapsed gratefully onto the floor. Every bone and muscle in his body was aching something awful and he could feel blood dripping out of his broken nose.

Then the loud THUMP THUMP THUMP of marching stormtroopers came from down the hall. Palpatine waved an arm weakly from where he lay, signaling he needed help. But the hall was black from the power failure and they couldn't see him. The first row of troopers tripped over his prone body and fell atop him. Then the second row fell atop the first and so forth.

"AAAAAIIIIIiiiiiiiii!!" Palpatine shrieked from under the heavy pile of stormtroopers. "Get off me, you imbeciles!! I'm your Emperor! How dare you crush me!"

Truly furious, Palpatine blasted them down the hall with the Force.


Luke was having a great time with his pet. Now that he had fed Godzilla, he was busy washing him with a hose. He had bought a book on reptiles earlier from the bookshop and had read that they needed to keep their scales damp. So he took the hose and sprayed cold water up onto his pet. Godzilla loved the icy cold water and closed his eyes in pleasure. Of course, it was a really huge hose he had borrowed from the Coruscant Fire Department. An ordinary garden hose would never do as Godzilla was so incredibly big and it took a ton of water to get him thoroughly soaked, the water soaking into his skin and scales.


Palpatine weakly crawled on hands and knees into a nearby mens' room, having to pry the door open with the Force. Finding his way by feel, he swore as he banged his foot into a toilet store and then fell over a trashcan some imbecile had left sitting out in the open. Picking himself up again, he made his way to the sink. Feeling around in the dark, he found the faucet and then turned the knob for water.

Nothing happened.

So he twisted it the other way as well.

"What is wrong with this place lately?" Palpatine howled in anger. "Nothing works!! First there is no power and now some fool is using all the water!!"

The way things were going, there would be a food shortage next and Palpatine decided he best stock up before that disappeared as well!


After spending the entire afternoon caring for his pet and having a wonderful mental communication, Luke came inside.

"Luke, where have you been?" Vader asked, relieved that his son appeared to be in one piece. "Have you been feeding that pet of yours electricity again? You are causing power failures all over the planet!"

"But he gets hungry!" Luke exclaimed wide-eyed. "If you have a pet, its your responsibility to care for it!"

The Sith Lord sighed and hoped Palpatine didn't discover Luke was behind the blackouts.

Author's Note: OK, maybe this wasn't exactly a Luke/Vader story but it shows that Luke still has his pet and the affect that Godzilla is having on Coruscant. Hopefully the bits with Palpy were funny. Oh, and I updated my profile as well.