TO About Nothing

Summary: Some conversations shouldn't be written down. Like this one.

A/N: WARNING: Extreme bouts of randomness. This was written simply because I wanted to jump on the dialogue-only bandwagon. Enjoy my insanity. I know I do.

The only thing you might want to know about this is that Chandler and Monica are together. But I think it can be figured out.

"You know what, Joe?"


"Our lives are boring."

"Speak for yourself. I just had sex yesterday."

"Point taken. My life is boring."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, it's the middle of a Thursday and I'm sitting here eating choco-fudge ice cream."

"Nothin' wrong with that. It's good ice cream."

"True, but still…"

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"They only bother me if they notice I'm gone. They haven't bothered me yet."


"Tell me about it."

"Maybe that's it, Chandler. Maybe you need to change your career. You could be having one of those life center problem things."

"Mid-life crisis?"


"Hm, that actually could be it. Yesterday at work I spent the entire morning making a paper clip necklace for Monica."

"Did she like it?"

"You would think she would have."

"Aw, that's mean."

"Well, she didn't exactly say it, but I could tell from the way part of it is now holding her recipe clippings together."


"I know, right? She could have at least been nice and shoved it in a cabinet…so what were we talking about?"

"How you need a new job."

"Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, I got it! I could be a space cowboy!"

"Hey, do not mock the deceased!"

"Kinda got me when you flicked your spoon there…wait, Maurice died? Your imaginary space cowboy pal died?"

"Yeah, dude, where have you been?"


"Don't you remember I told you?"

"I am relieved to say that I don't."

"It was after I went on my first date. I came back, all excited to tell Maurice, and he wasn't there!"



"Um…how do you know he just didn't run away?"


"Well, yeah! It's possible."

"No it's not. Maurice wouldn't do that to me."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Positive. Besides, I found his cowboy hat. He wouldn't have gone anywhere without it."

"That makes sense. Hey Joe?"


"We have any beer in the fridge?"

"I was waiting for you to say that! What's ice cream without a nice, cold beer?"

"My thoughts exactly."

"Man that's good."

"You're telling me."

"So, since you're not gonna be a space cowboy…"

"I was thinking…you ready for this?"

"Uh huh!"



"What? That would be so awesome!"


"Aw, come on! Run slowly all day alongside hot babes? What's wrong about that?"

"Number one – what about Monica?"

"She can be a lifeguard too!"

"But she's a chef."

"I wasn't finished. She can be a lifeguard who…makes food for hungry beach-goers."

"Nice save. But you still can't be a lifeguard."

"Why not?"

"You've got no pecs, man! Lifeguards have to be buff and tan, and you're white and….the opposite of buff."

"Excuse me? I am all manly man."

"Hah! Good one!"

"Shut up! I'm…muscular."

"Does Monica tell you that?"

"Okay, so I may not be the epitome of fitness, but you're not exactly Mr. Clean either!"

"Firstly, I have no idea what 'epitome' is, and secondly – Mr. Clean?"

"Oh, come on, can you honestly stand there and say that Mr. Clean is not in good shape?"

"Well, you're right about that. But I am muscular! I just don't go to the gym to get my physical exercise, if you know what I mean."

"Wait, I don't go to the gym either…oh, ew! Thanks for the image!"

"You're welcome."

"So what were we talking about – gross!"


"There's a bug in your ice cream!"

"No, that's a raisin."

"Still, a raisin shouldn't be in choco-fudge ice cream."

"I guess it could be a bug. Or a piece of fudge."

"No, definitely not fudge – you ate it? Why, w-why would you do that?"

"I think it was a bug."