Tuesday 01/05

Dear Tenant,

Please remember to clean crushed popcorn out from between the couch cushions, after having special friends around for movie nights.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 02/05

Dear Landlord,

I will try to be more careful about my popcorn droppings.

Do you know when the glass will be replaced in the first floor lounge room? It is getting drafty.

Your Tenant

Tuesday 08/05

Dear Tenant,

The glass will be replaced as soon as legal issues have been resolved.

Perhaps this would be the opportune moment to remind you that horseplay should be confined to the downstairs rec room, to avoid the inconvenience of broken windows and ambulance trips with special friends.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 09/05

Dear Landlord,

The ancient form of Aikido is a highly respected martial art. I am certain it does not fall under the title 'horseplay'. However, I have referred the comment to my sensei, in case he shares your opinion. He may contact you on the issue.

In my defense regarding this particular incident. Perhaps the 'accident' may have been avoided had the rec room not been strewn in various computer parts, which I have expressly been forbidden to touch under any circumstance.

Your Tenant

PS. He didn't fall that far, only one floor.

Tuesday 15/05

Dear Tenant,

Maybe if your hunk of junk motorcycle wasn't in pieces in the garage, I could've set up my computers in that area as originally planned. As it is the oil stains on every surface make it unclean for my computer lab. Not to mention the constant smell of turps makes me high.

I think it best you park your historical rust heap on the street, and then I will move my computers.

Your Landlord

PS. Base trick informing sensei, ½ hour lecture on injustice endured, but not forgotten.

Wednesday 16/05

Dear Landlord,

Completely unreasonable. That bike's a classic. CLASSIC. Like, worth a ton when it's restored. I won't do it. I recall something being mentioned about off street parking, when you convinced me to move in here.

No Way! It stays.

Your Tenant

PS. ½ hr Lecture deserved twice over for calling my baby a rust heap

Tuesday 22/05

Dear Tenant,

Omae O Kuroso!

Your Landlord

Wednesday 23/05

Dear Landlord,

Give me back my conditioner, I'm going out tonight. Without you!

Your Tenant

Tuesday 29/05

Dear Tenant,

Please refrain from engaging in extracurricular actives with your special friends in the hallway.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 30/05

Dear Landlord,

Jealous?

Your Tenant

Tuesday 05/06

Dear Tenant,

Of who? Him? Certainly not. I am not so flexible and would be at best severely uncomfortable. Perhaps you would break fewer toys if you did not attempt to bend them so far.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 06/06

Dear Landlord,

Please refrain from slobbering on her Royal Highness within view. I have not been able to eat for several days.

Your Tenant

Tuesday 12/06

Dear Tenant,

Really? I have not noticed any reduction in the hyperspace speed that food in this house is consumed at. Either you are feeding several special friends sequestered in your room or your appetite is fine.

I suspect the latter due to the fact no one has tried to escape by throwing themselves from a first floor window and there is no reduction in the size of your love handles.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 13/06

Dear Landlord,

LOVE HANDLES!

Shinigami comes for you tonight, then we will see…

Your Tenant

Tuesday 19/06

Dear Tenant,

Please return MY ice pack to the freezer. I cannot go to work looking like I have had my wisdom teeth removed.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 20/06

Dear Landlord,

No. You broke my leg. I'm calling Quatre.

Your Tenant

Tuesday 26/06

Dear Tenant,

I think the fighting has gone too far. I am sorry I broke your leg. It was an accident.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 27/06

Dear Landlord,

You are only apologizing because Quatre made you. You hate me, and as soon as I can hobble reasonably I'm leaving.

Your (ex-) Tenant

Tuesday 02/07

Dear Tenant,

What have you done? Why does Releena think I am going to marry her? You baka, I know you sent those flowers. 'My Aphrodite…' I would never write such drivel. I take back my previous apology, I do not forgive you.

Your (ex-) Landlord

PS. Wish I had broken more than your leg

Wednesday 03/07

Dear Landlord,

You deserve each other I hope you lose your hearing with constant exposure to her high decibel shriek. I often told my guests that we kept a banshee in the basement.

Your (ex-) Tenant

PS. You wish

Tuesday 09/07

Dear Tenant,

Not that it is any of your business, but Releena and I are in a professional relationship. My kisses are only EVER chaste and friendly. And you have seriously jeopardized her safety by encouraging her. Badly done.

Your (ex-) Landlord

Wednesday 10/07

Dear Landlord,

Don't shame me like your opinion means anything. You are nothing. Nothing to me. I am alone, I like it that way. Don't ever think I need you.

Your (ex-) Tenant

Tuesday 16/07

Dear Tenant,

Hn.

Your (ex-) Landlord

Wednesday 17/07

Dear Landlord,

Omae O Kuroso

Your (ex-) Tenant

Tuesday 23/07

Dear Tenant,

That's my line.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 24/07

Dear Landlord,

Ah, tired and over used platitude. You're right, it is your line! Should've copyrighted.

Your Tenant

PS. We are being forced to have dinner with Quat, Trowa and Wuffie, but don't expect me to converse with you. Leg breaker

Tuesday 30/07

Dear Tenant,

Duo?

Your Landlord

Wednesday 31/07

Dear Landlord,

I am not talking to you.

Your Tenant

Tuesday 06/08

Dear Tenant,

I bought pocky at the shops, chocolate AND strawberry.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 07/08

Dear Landlord,

I want an apology, not bribery.

Your Tenant

PS. Eat the strawberry and I'll break something of yours (laptop is in easy reach and often unguarded)

Tuesday 13/08

Dear Tenant,

Fine.

I apologize profusely for breaking your leg, etc.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 14/08

Dear Landlord,

Etc? Really sincere…

Your Tenant

Tuesday 20/08

Attn: Tenant

Re: Broken leg & outstanding apology

I, Heero Yuy, on this day the 20th of August AC 198, hereby apologize to Duo Maxwell for breaking his femur and inciting several contusions upon his person.

In the future we could avoid broken limbs, if you did not jump me in an ally, during official surveillance, dressed in black, screaming of death and vengeance.

Your Landlord

PS. I don't hate you

Wednesday 21/08

Dear Landlord,

Quatre and Wuffie being really hard on you?

Your Tenant

Tuesday 27/08

Dear Tenant,

Yes.

Your Landlord

PS. The doctor tells me I may have a hairline fracture on my skull accounting for my severe headaches.

Wednesday 28/08

Dear Landlord,

Are they phoning you daily, telling you how terrible you are? Did I catch you off your guard? Was I fear inducing?

Your Tenant

PS. Codeine is hidden in my toolbox

Tuesday 03/09

Dear Tenant,

Yes. Yes. Terrifying.

Your Landlord

PS. Arigato. I lied about the love handles; you are extremely trim and well shaped

Wednesday 04/09

Dear Landlord,

Okay. Consider yourself forgiven. I could use a hand washing my hair; cast is making it really difficult.

Your Tenant

PS. As if I wasn't aware

Tuesday 10/09

Dear Tenant,

Have replaced first floor glass, no charges pressed. Do you need anything from the shops I will be going after work.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 11/09

Dear Landlord,

Yep. Graham crackers, chocolate, marshmallows, cola and baby oil. We could make 'smores and watch movies together.

Your Tenant

PS. Could use help with the hair again, your hands are very strong

Tuesday 17/09

Dear Tenant,

Had a very good time watching movies. I have never watched Red Dwarf before. It was humorous despite the technological inaccuracies. Can we do it again sometime?

Your Landlord

PS. I am not sure it is correct for me to assist you with washing your hair

Wednesday 18/09

Dear Landlord,

Correct? Heero, we're not playing a trivia game.

Your Tenant

PS. Absolutely on the movie thing. I have every episode of Sliders ever made! I just know you'll love it

Tuesday 24/09

Dear Tenant,

What game are we playing?

Your Landlord

Wednesday 25/09

Dear Landlord,

I'm not playing a game with you.

Your Tenant

PS. You are better at talking when we are not, why?

Tuesday 31/09

Dear Tenant,

If we are not playing games, what are we doing? I need to think.

Your Landlord

PS. It is easier to talk when I do not have to watch your reaction.

Wednesday 01/10

Dear Landlord,

I want you to be my guest, my special friend, permanently...

Your Tenant

Tuesday 07/10

Dear Tenant,

At least we know I can manage a leap from the first story.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 08/10

Dear Landlord,

God, Heero! Is that a joke I hear!

Your Tenant

Tuesday 14/10

Dear Tenant,

I am a funny guy.

Your Landlord

PS I am still thinking, but I have a question… How many special friends do you allow yourself?

Wednesday 15/10

Dear Landlord,

There isn't a quota, Heero… but I have had many, you've seen. But if it were you, it would only ever be you.

Your Tenant

PS. I'm glad we're not fighting. I hate it when we fight.

Tuesday 21/10

Dear Tenant,

If we both hate fighting, why do we do it so much?

Your Landlord

PS. I want to make it up to you, for the leg

Wednesday 22/10

Dear Landlord,

Sometimes anger is all I can get from you.

Your Tenant

PS. Come visit me when you get home, I'll show you how I'd apologize

Tuesday 28/10

Dear Tenant,

Sorry for running out. I was surprised. The kiss was…nice. Would this be one of my duties?

Your Landlord

Wednesday 29/10

Dear Landlord,

Duties? Heero there are no… never mind.

Yes. Kissing would be a duty, but a shared one that we do for each other as well as ourselves. Um, we'd do other duties together too, things that would make us close like best friends. Hugging, sitting together holding hands, touching…sex.

Your Tenant

Tuesday 04/11

Dear Tenant,

You are my best friend. You are the only person I am close to.

Your Landlord

PS. Researched sex on the net. I am a little confused on the ergonomics of the situation when there is no girl.

Wednesday 05/11

Dear Landlord,

Well, here's how it goes… um, I'll get you a book.

Your Tenant

PS. Try refining your search with 'homosexual'

Tuesday 11/11

Dear Tenant,

Arigato. Very helpful. I accept, should we start on page two or skip the beginner section and start on page nine? I have always been advanced in physical dexterity; I think it would be safe.

Your Landlord

PS. Is page thirty-eight the reason you cannot look at me without blushing?

Is page forty-one what you were attempting in the hallway with your hapless victim?

I'm not sure I want to do that one, is that ok?

Wednesday 12/11

Dear Landlord,

I accept too, but not mission accept, normal accept, ok? Why don't we watch some movies together, forget about the book and start wherever it starts?

Your Tenant

PS. I'm blushing because I'm kind of nervous.

Yes, page forty-one was the hallway incident…he was hardly being victimized.

Heero, you never have to do anything you don't want to, not with me. Ok?

Oyasumi, Heero.

Tuesday 18/11

Dear Tenant,

I liked our weekend together. I am glad we saved many pages for other times.

Your Landlord

PS. I feel, happy, maybe. Not a nice happiness a vindictive one. I am joyful that all your other special friends have left. Is that incorrect?

Wednesday 19/11

Dear Landlord,

So kawaii, you were jealous. I'm glad you're feeling vindictive happy. I'd be jealous if you were seeing others. And while we're on topic, I want us to be exclusive. Just us, only us...no one else, ok?

Your Tenant

PS. And maybe Wuffie

Tuesday 25/11

Dear incredibly handsome Tenant,

Oh Duo, you are so hot… I want to have sex with you… everyday and twice on Sundays.

Heero? Hello. Talk to me please. I was SO kidding about Wufei. Joke, funny, haha…

Please, I don't want to fight.

Your Tenant

Wednesday 26/11

Dear Landlord,

Heero?

Your Tenant

Tuesday 01/12

Dear Tenant,

Tuesday's are my day. Don't write on my day.

I don't want to share you with anyone, not even someone I feel great respect and friendship for. Is that ok?

Your Landlord

Wednesday 02/12

Dear Landlord,

You had me sweating there, Heero. I don't really want to share, just to prove it; we can try page twelve if you want.

Your Tenant

PS. You 'gotta admit Wuffie's a total hottie

Tuesday 08/12

Dear Tenant,

I need admit no such thing. On Friday I was the sexiest thing to ever draw breath. I think you called me God; I do not know much about your religion. I would like to try page twenty-two now.

Your Landlord

Wednesday 09/12

Dear Landlord,

Page twenty-two? You sure?

Your Tenant

Tuesday 15/12

Dear Tenant,

Ai Shiteiru. Duo, I think I love you. I want to tell everyone.

Your Landlord

PS. Please clean the saucepan you made spaghetti in last week. I am worried we are breeding a super bug

Wednesday 16/12

Dear Landlord,

Heero, you say the sweetest things. Saucepans and super bugs excluded.

Your Tenant (for always)

PS. Your ass is much nicer than Wuffie's, I'm sorry I implied otherwise

Owari