Salvation and Obsession
This is another installment in the Ponder Chronicles, done in Zuko's POV.
I cannot get her out of my head.
She's all I ever think about. She's all I can think about, these days.
I sigh, and rest my hands on the railing, feeling the slightly cool spray of the ocean.
I'll be plotting another plan to capture the Avatar, or attempting to look for Appa's shadow on the sea, and my thoughts will drift to her.
I'll instantly think of the girl who carries herself with such pride that it scares me. She doesn't know of this, but she is the most courageous person I know of.
She's my salvation.
And my obsession.
I cannot even look at water anymore; I constantly see her. I see her everywhere. I see her in the breeze, I see her in the local market, and I see her in my dreams, where I am chasing her, dying for her, kissing her, protecting her, hurting her…
This has to stop, but it can't!
Last night… last night was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.
I saw her, sitting sadly, serenely on the sand. She watched me with interest, -did she not know that it was me?- her eyes watching my every move.
I was so aware of her watching me. It grew inside me…that feeling…
Possessed by a courage I did not know I have, I had grabbed her by the waist, loving her all the more.
How much I had longed for that! I had dreamed of that- just holding her and never, ever letting go!
But then, my darker side took over. A sentence had formed at my lips, and too soon the words were falling out of them like water from a cup…
"Do you really care for your friends, Katara?"
And as she looked at me, as those endless blue eyes met mine, I finally kissed her.
And she kissed back.
She is my salvation.
Many a time, I have thought of just ending it all. I could end it so easily… a slip off of my ship, an accident while practicing, a violent tussle…
But then I can see her eyes.
The blueness of them stares at me, swallows me up, and reminds me that I have a purpose- I exist to do something!
I grip my anchor- the railing that keeps me from throwing myself over the edge- tighter.
I had fallen apart inside, and built myself up at the same moment. All I knew was that she was all I had. She is all I have…
The final sentence tumbled from my distorted thoughts.
I told her that she could be great among us.
She has a place among us. She has a purpose with us.
But Katara has become my obsession.
I constantly need to know where she is, and how she is doing. I feel a need to keep her from any wandering eye; to hide her from the stares of men and boys alike. No one questions a boy with an eye-patch, in a torn and dirty peasant's cloak, pretending to ask for his cousin's whereabouts.
And when I see her in a crowd, I instantly keep my distance.
Approaching her in public would do neither of us any good. Sokka, the brave boy that he is, would kill me.
A snort escapes me, an annoyed, yet somehow proud, one at that.
And Aang, without a doubt, he'd ask for Katara and Sokka to leave.
But, knowing them, they would refuse to.
My Katara would refuse to leave Aang, and she would fight me with all she has.
I rest my head on the cool, wet railing, stars blinking from above.
She could end this war.
All I want is for this war to end… for this all to stop…
And have her standing softly beside me, iron ship at our feet, waves rising and falling below.
This love shall be my demise…
She is my salvation, and my obsession.
I love her.
I'll have Aang's sometime…
But in the meantime, review.