(I get the idea that most Buffy the Vampire Slayer style vampires, due to the low grade demon that animates them, don't have enough imagination to do something really evil like, say, Enron, market SUVs during an energy crunch, or elevator music versions of anything by Black Sabbath. No, despite their fiendish big talk of bringing on Armageddon, the following is more likely within our boy's range:)

Angelus: (snort, giggle) You'll never guess what I did to the Slayer tonight, you'll never guess, c'mon guess! Guess!

Spike lights up a butt and leans back in his wheelchair in a cloud of blue smoke, while giving Angelus the Evil Eye.

Angelus: You'll never guess, I was brilliant!

Spike (rich with sarcasm): Let. Me. Guess. You left another vaguely threatening message written on cheap yellow paper on her bedside table to find when she gets ready to go to bed?

Angelus: Hey, who told you? But you'll never guess what other cruelties I inflicted upon her after that!

Spike (rolls eyes): Oh dear. Oh dearie dear, what-ever did you do to the Slayer this time?

Angelus: I short sheeted her bed. Then I shook up every diet Pepsi in her refrigerator! (Angel goes into an orgasm of evil laughter at his own cleverness while Spike wheels off in a cloud of bored disgust and tobacco smoke.)

Spike (mutters off camera): Wanker!


Author's Note: Can anybody tell me why when somebody goes bad in a T.V. show or a movie, that the first thing they do is light up a smoke? Or grow a goatee?
Another Author's Note:
Should Drusilla ever offer to give you a haircut, turn her down. Especially if she's holding a Weedeater behind her back.