Author's Note: I'm afraid it won't be as funny as the first two chapters, but hopefully it will be at least a little entertaining. I present chapter three, in which Sokka waxes philosophical.
Ch.03: The Astounding Stupidity of Optimism
I love my sister. Really, I do. But sometimes, the girl is just plain stupid. And so is Aang. I, Sokka, have diagnosed them with something I like to call TASOO. Pronounced like me screaming with a "t" in the front, and what I'll do to you if you try to steal my Guide.
The Astounding Stupidity of Optimism.
You see, my sister and Aang are optimists. Which basically is a synonym for stupid, reckless, naïve, and rude to Sokka.
Sometimes they make sense and have good points and all, but 99 of the time they just look before they leap and assume the best. I try to stop them, but all they do is ignore my warnings and rush into things thinking everyone is made of sugar and seal blubber jerky. If everyone was made of sugar and seal jerky there wouldn't be this problem of bad people, because all the good people would eat them because they'd taste good. Heck, I'd eat someone who tasted like sugar or seal blubber jerky. But then the world would be devoid of bad people, which would mean no one would be good, seeing as there would be no bad to compare and make the other people good. So, there would still be bad, because there are varying degrees of goodness. This optimism and never-ending belief of a pure world is a fantasy of the naïve. So sometimes I worry about Aang and Katara.
But anyway, who has to save them? Me. Who never gets any credit or recognition for doing so? Me. It's always my smarts and clever thinking that gets us out of tough situations. They think I'm bitter and unhappy. Well, hell yes I am! I'm the one who cleans up their messes! I'm surrounded by happy people.
Happy people upset me.
Let me give some examples of where optimism has nearly killed us. Okay, I mean aside from every moment after Katara broke open that iceberg with magic. (I hate magic. Except when it saves my life. Which it wouldn't have to if they weren't so optimistic that it led us into danger.)
That whole thing with Aunt Wu, the fortuneteller. If Aang and I hadn't personally gone up to the mountain, all that lovely blind optimism of the village, my sister and the Avatar, we all would have died. Not that anyone cares, but I, personally, wish to live.
Jeong Jeong, who is a Firebending Master, right? So they trusted him! And look, Aang burned my sister, because he was so optimistic and rushing into the whole playing with fire thing. He should have been the one burned, or just known not to Firebend. That's all I'm saying.
And of course that time when Katara stole from pirates! Come on, like that couldn't go wrong. That was when she first met Zuko, which had bad news written all over it. But of course it was Sokka's job to trick the pirates and Zuko's crew into turning against each other so that we could escape. Like that's any different from normal.
There's so many more examples of the Astounding Stupidity of Optimism and my equally astounding ability to save the day, but why bother to go into detail? I think we've all gotten the point that optimism leads to trouble, and the hugeness of this spreading epidemic is astounding. It's even in the title!
And TASOO just means more things for Sokka to fix.
Buy my book. With the money I make, maybe I can find a cure.
I need some seal blubber jerky.
See Ch.04: Why Pessimism Should Be a Way of Life, the companion piece to Ch.03: The Astounding Stupidity of Optimism.