TOW No Significance

Summary: Companion piece to "TO About Nothing." Need I say more?


"Hey, Mon?"

"Hm?"

"If you could spend five minutes kissing either Joey or Chandler, who would it be?"

"Ok, that is the oldest question ever."

"Still, you have to admit it never gets boring."

"True."

"Now answer it."

"Answer what?"

"The question!"

"Hello, Chandler is my boyfriend!"

"So Joey?"

"Rachel!"

"Oh, come on! You get five minutes of pure, meaningless passion with either Joey or Chandler. Be honest."

"Alright then…Joey."

"Really?"

"No!"

"Oh okay, was getting nervous there."

"If you wanted me to say Chandler then why did you ask in the first place?"

"Because, I was reading People magazine and…"

"You actually read that stuff?"

"Yeah! It's interesting."

"And full of advertisements!"

"So? I can catch up on celebrities and shop at the same time! It's a little slice of Heaven."

"You have a weird version of Heaven."

"Anyway, as I was saying, I was reading People magazine and they had a quiz to see how loyal you were to your boyfriend."

"Wow, I passed a stupid little quiz. You must feel so reassured."

"You know what, I do!"

"So…what would your pick be?"

"What?"

"Who would you choose out of Chandler, Joey, or Ross?"

"Definitely not Ross. With our history it might lead to feelings and stuff."

"But there's no strings attached, no consequences."

"Yeah, we say that, but knowing us we'd wind up sleeping together anyway."

"Okay, so Ross is out. Chandler or Joey?"

"I can't kiss Chandler! He's your boyfriend!"

"Argh, Rachel, no consequences, remember?"

"Still, he would be thinking of you the whole time, it would just be weird."

"You're missing the point of this."

"That leaves Joey. Hm…to tell the truth, I wouldn't mind testing that out."

"You like Joey!"

"No I don't! It's just that, you know, if I happen to see a woman leaving his apartment in the morning, she looks very…satisfied."

"You want to be 'satisfied' by Joey? Gross! He's your best friend!"

"Will you stop doing that? All I'm saying is that if I had to pick between the guys it would be Joey. Strictly physically speaking."

"Of course."

"Yeah."

"…so, let's say I wasn't dating Chandler. Would you pick him?"

"Monica!"

"I'm serious! Chandler or Joey? You made me choose."

"The difference was that you're dating one of them. I mean, I have no first hand knowledge of how they kiss."

"You better not."

"However, I think I would still go with Joey."

"Rachel! What do you have against my boyfriend?"

"What! Do you want me to pick him?"

"No, but I think it's insulting that you would choose Joey when you know I'm dating Chandler."

"Okay I'm confused…seriously, do you want me to pick Chandler?"

"Yes."

"Fine then, I choose him."

"You want to steal my boyfriend? How could you?"

"Monica?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you PMSing?"

"…maybe."

"Thought so."