What's in a name?

Ellen Kuhfeld

A small youma, wearing the uniform of a Dark Kingdom general, appeared in the Hikawa Shrine amongst five Senshi, two cats, and Tuxedo Kamen. Strangely, except for the opening of the Dark Portal, there was no trouble.

The youma didn't move, didn't shout a peculiar battle cry, didn't even twitch. She just slumped a bit, and said, "I'm not here to cause a fuss. I just had to get away from Queen Beryl, and a room full of Senshi seemed the safest place to do it."

"I can't punish you for that," Sailor Moon said.

"Why?" asked Tuxedo Kamen. "And make it convincing. We haven't had much practice believing youma. They all promise they'll kill us, and not a one has, yet."

"It's simple enough," the youma replied. "Beryl started out with four generals. You made such a fool of Jadeite that she condemned him to eternal sleep. Then Zoicite killed Nephrite, and Beryl killed Zoicite. She was down to one general, and it didn't look like Kunzite was going to last much longer. And the bunch of them got dozens of youma killed while they were at it."

"As you'd expect, there was grumbling in the ranks. So when Beryl made some new generals, she put me in charge of her Secret Police, to ferret out the troublemakers. I didn't want to turn against other youma. And I knew the job was dangerous - just ask Jadeite, Nephrite, and Zoicite. But not taking the job was just as dangerous, and it was a prestigious thing, being made a general. So here I am."

"Youmas are a proud race, you know. It's our strength and our weakness. Give us a job and put our pride on the line, and we'll do it or die trying. But then Beryl took it one step too far. 'You're my head cop', she said. 'I'll give you a new name that goes with your duties.'" The youma's face twisted with scorn; she ripped the badge from her uniform and threw it on the floor.

When the badge didn't explode, Tuxedo Kamen said - more gently, this time - "Why should a new name be that bad?"

"Well, we generals are all named after stones. And some stones aren't as good as others."

"You're stalling. What did she name you?"

"Do I really have to say?" the youma asked piteously.

"If you want us to believe you."

She looked down, and whispered "... coprolite ..."

Sailor Mercury made a noise halfway between a snort and a snicker. She covered her mouth, and blushed. The other Senshi looked blank. Luna and Artemis sniffed.

Tuxedo Kamen grinned wryly. "Beryl really dropped the ball this time – and on her own foot, too," he said as he held out his hand to the youma. "Welcome to the real world. And we promise, we'll let you pick out a new name yourself."


I don't own Sailor Moon. I do, however, possess a sense of youma.