TO Without Purpose

Summary: You guessed it. Part 3 of my "Dialogue Only" series.

A/N: As you've probably concluded by now, I'm officially hooked on these things. They're fun and easy and require absolutely nothing except an understanding of the Friends' characters. It's great that you guys seem to love 'em too (thanks for all the reviews for my other ones!).

I'm going in a sort of pattern here. Each convo will be between two Friends, with varied combinations. So if there's any you'd like to see (Chandler/Monica, Ross/Rachel, Rachel/Chandler, etc…) please request it. Please note that the boy/girl ones will not be explicitly romantic, except for maybe a Chandler/Monica (I love those two together!).

"Phoebe…what's that?"

"A crystal ball. Why?"

"'Why'? Normal people do not carry around crystal balls in their enormous shoulder bags."

"I do."

"Case and point."

"Well, if you must know, 'Dr.' Geller –"

"Don't 'air quotation mark' me! I'm a real doctor!"

"Yeah, sure. As I was saying, I just got back from my fortune teller. I wanted her to check it for quality."

"Wait, you're telling me they sell fake crystal balls?"

"Uh huh! It's a huge underground market. I got lucky though. She said this was authentic."

"I'm so relieved."

"You're just bitter because you know I won't tell your fortune. I don't take on non-believers."

"Oh yes, I'm absolutely heartbroken."

"You should be."

"Pheebs…you really believe in that stuff, don't you?"

"Uh, yeah. Who doesn't?"

"Well, there's me, and…the majority of the world…"

"That's what you think. There are tons of people who believe in exactly what I do."

"That's comforting."

"Hey, you're not 'all-knowing.' You're wrong about stuff."

"What 'stuff'!"

"Like…the whole gravity thing."

"Oh no, we are not starting this up again. Didn't we agree to disagree?"

"Yeah, but now I'm disagreeing to agree to disagree."

"That made no sense."

"Hah! See? That proves that there are some things out there that you just don't get."

"Oh, I get them. I think they're stupid, but I get them."

"Stupid, huh? Aright then…you know that whole 'evolution' theory? Yeah, that's stupid."

"What? It is not stupid! There are facts and figures and fossils –"

"And I don't believe in them. So they're stupid."

"That's not…okay, point taken."

"In your face!"

"Hold on, I wanted to ask you what you meant about gravity."

"Yeah, that's a load of bull."

"That…that is not a load of bull! How else do we stay on the ground?"


"…excuse me?"

"Yeah, well you know how the moon is made of cheese?"

"That's totally…never mind, continue."

"See, while the moon is made of cheese, the Earth is made of gum."

"Let's assume I'm going along with this insanity for a minute. How is the Earth made of gum?"

"Well, you can see it. It's invisible gum."


"It was put there by the tooth fairy at the beginning of time, meant for children to chew. But the dinosaurs trampled it all under the ground. However, it was so strong that it still works today."

"…uh huh."

"Which would also explain why we float on the moon."

"Because apparently the tooth fairy doesn't do intergalactic travel?"


"You still believe in the tooth fairy?"


"And the Easter bunny?"

"No, I never believed in him in the first place."

"I know I'm going to regret asking this, but…really?"

"Sure! Think about it! How does an Easter bunny get all those eggs? That's why I believe in the Easter Hen."

"You know, I've never thought about that before."

"It's either that or the Easter bunny is using hens, in which case I really don't like him."

"Understandable. So, Santa Claus?"

"Yeah, but you'll have to wait to hear that. I have a whole long theory about him, and I'm sick of you right now."