Disclaimer: (To tune of Big Ben chime thingy) No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I don't own owt, errr no I don't.

Well here it is! The final chapter, and I wonder who's making a little guest appearence...


...The date now told Lister that this was the day after he had gone into stasis. Rimmer was stood in the captain's office – Recovered from his exam attack…

"Rimmer, where is the cat?" Hollister asked sternly before biting into a clotted cream cake.

"Errrr what cat sir?" Rimmer asked back, as innocently as possible.

"The cat that has been under your nose for the past few months!" Hollister snapped back, spraying crumbs all over his desk.

"With all due respect sir, does that make it under your nose too?"

"RIMMER! I don't know what your getting from keeping that cat hidden – Everybody knew you hated Lister, but for some reason your are, and we need that cat! If that cat is allowed to live ." Hollister opened his mouth to continue but was interrupted as a young female officer, who had been standing in the doorway for some time, made her way into the room.

"Excuse me sir, but here's these reports you asked for." She said, glancing quickly at Rimmer.

"Thank you Olivier. You're dismissed." Hollister said quickly.

"Erm sir, just one thing, I'm carrying out some experiments with light speed in the lab, but I need a cardboard box with holes in to complete my theory, may I get some from storage?" Kira asked, looking pointedly at Rimmer who nodded as their eyes met, understanding each other as Rimmer silently mouthed the words 'Air Duct'.

"Of course you can woman! You're a Science Officer – Not a smegging Technician!" Hollister retorted bossily as Kira saluted, and exited quickly…


"Pause… Hol, what's Kira got to do with this?" Lister asked quietly.

"Kira knew what was going to happen Dave, as Cat had gone back in time and talked to her, she knew she couldn't let history change by Frankie dying, so she took the box to your bunk room, hid Frankie and her basket in it amongst a few plants as a cover, and hid her in the hold.

"Why didn't she tell any one when she got out of stasis?... And why did you film all this but not report it?"

"I'm not physic Dave, I don't know why she never told anyone, but the reason I never reported it because I happen to be an animal lover!" Holly replied, in a way that said 'If I had arms I would so be folding them crossly right about now!'

"Ok, ok… You said there were two more pieces of film you wanted me to see – what's the other one?" "Half a mo…"


"Captain's Personal Log. Four main things to report, the first is Science Officer Kirs Olivier has voluntarily gone into Stasis today, therefore suspending all of her future pay, the second is that that Holly is become temperamental and is even refusing to search for Lister's still unfound cat. I am beginning to believe that he or Rimmer reprogrammed Holly so as to protect the cat's whereabouts. The third thing is in reference to the ship, one of the Drive Plates appears to be malfunctioning. I have ordered Rimmer to fix it – Which leads me to the forth thing. I know he is neither trained nor qualified to do the job, as he told me himself about 10 minutes ago, however I gave him some line about wanting to give him more responsibility, truth is I just want to see him screw up so I can get a professional to fix it, and then Court Marshal him for putting the crew and ship at risk…"
Holly stopped the recording and Lister thought deeply for a moment. "…He's still a smeghead."

The End