For anyone who has ever read the children's book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, here is my fic, If You Give House a Vicodin. I do not own any of these characters, either on House or in the book. Rated for drug and alcohol use and one minor sexual reference

If you give House a Vicodin . . .

He's probably going to want some whiskey to wash it down with.

If you grab the bottle for him, he'll probably want a glass to drink it from.

Once he finishes with his drink he'll likely ask for his Gameboy to play with.

Once the Gameboy has been found, there's a good chance he'll want his Ipod as well.

And of course, as soon as he's good and comfortable, Cuddy will almost certainly burst in and interrupt.

House will, naturally, have a snippy remark about having sex with her, or about her breasts.

Sooner or later Dr, Cuddy is definitely going to tell him to get his butt down to the clinic.

Depending on who's around House will send a doctor from his team down there instead so he can take a nap.

Unfortunately he's going to want a comfortable place to rest.

When you finally find Dr. Wilson and get him to unlock the oncology lounge with the nice couches, House will inform you that General Hospital is on and he'll need someplace to watch TV.

And once you get him settled in he'll ever so gently remind you that it's time he had another Vicodin.