*I know I said I was going to write this chapter from a different point of view, but after I read what I wrote I decided to change it. I couldn't get into the other person's head as easily as I can Abby's. So this chapter will still be from her point of view, and I hope it makes sense. :)

This is it. If he's going to be a stubborn ass about things, then I might I well try to do something about it myself. I mean, if I could just get him to listen to me, maybe then he'll understand. Maybe then he might try to forgive me. I hope he listens, because I can't go on like this for much longer. I can't stand to have him hate me.

Okay. Here I go.

"Luka, can we talk?"

He just glances up from the chart he's looking at. That's the coldest face I've ever seen him put on.

"I think we need to talk," I say again.

"I'm too busy to talk," he says just before he walks off.

Jesus! Why won't he hear me out? I didn't go through with it, for God's sake!

Here it comes; the lump in my throat that I had been expecting. My lips are starting to quiver and I know I won't be able to hold back the tears for much longer. I need to get outside, but it takes to long to get to the roof, so I bolt out the front doors instead. I don't care if he sees me and how much he's upset me. He probably doesn't care anyway.

The Chicago wind hits me in the face, and that makes the lump retreat. Some people complain about the exhaust in the air, but I don't mind it. It helps me calm down.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Once again I've successfully avoided crying in front of people. That's a good thing.

"Are you all right?" comes a voice from beside me. Good ole Carter.

"Yeah. I'm okay now," I tell him.

"So what happened?"

"I decided to try and talk to Luka. Big mistake, although I had a feeling he'd refuse. Well, at least I tried."

"I'm sorry."

"It's just that I know if I could only make him hear my side of the story then things would be better between us. But the stuborn ass won't listen. He hates me, Carter. He really hates me. I don't know what to do anymore."

That stupid lump's coming back and it's making it hard to talk. My eyes are watering, so I wipe them. I don't know if it was tears or not, but I think Carter thought they were. He lets out a sigh and then began to march inside.

"Hey, Carter," I call out. "Where are you going?"

He doesn't answer, so I follow him inside. Once I'm through the doors I see that he's heading straight for Luka. Shit! What's he gonna do?

"Dr. Kovac, could I have a moment with you?" he asks him. He sounds like he's trying not to sound angry, but he's failing.

"I'm actually rather busy right now, Carter. Can it wait?" Luka retorts.

"No," Carter replies. "I've been holding this back long enough."

By now everyone has stopped to watch them. This should provide the nurses with good gossip for at least two weeks.

"Fine," says Luka as he rests the bottom of the chart he's holding on his thighs. It's a classic Luka pose.

"All right then, you're an idiot," says Carter shocking everyone, but especially me. I'm beginning to think I shouldn't be standing here, but now it would only be more conspicious if I walked away.

"Excuse me?" barks Luka, obviously perturbed by Carter's comment.

"You're an idiot," he repeats. "You're blowing everything you have with Abby because you're to proud to listen to her and realize that maybe she had a good reason for feeling the way she did. You're to proud to realize that maybe you're not the one whose right."

"She should have come to me," he tells him. "She had no right to make that kind of decision without me."

"Maybe so, but she knew that the second you heard about it that she wouldn't have a choice anymore. She knew you'd force her to be something she doesn't feel she can be. Think about it, Luka. She was afraid of you."

"That doesn't change the fact that she should have come to me," Luka argued again. Apparently that's all he's got.

"Are you going to hold that against her forever? Do you know how many people would kill to get a shot at a woman like Abby?" Carter hesitates for a moment, looking back at me. "I would kill for a shot at Abby," he then tells Luka.

Oh Jesus Carter! I had no idea.

"And even though you treat her like crap," he continues, less angry than before, "for some reason she likes you. For some reason you make her happy. And before all this she made you happy too. I can't stand by and watch you throw all that away. You're going to regret it."

"This isn't your business, Carter," Luka says coldly before walking away.

I am dumbfounded. I know I must look like an idiot standing there in the middle of the entryway. Cater looks at me for a moment, and then he walks away too.

I'm still standing there, and the only thing that makes me eventually move is the sound of a siren in the ambulence bay who knows how many minutes later. I need a drink, but I'll have to settle for some cold coffee instead. I think I'll go to the roof.

The roof is always extra windy, and I like it like that. I love to be cold. It dulls my senses.

That was definitly one of the most embarassing moments of my life. I don't know how I'm going to face all my coworkers. As if things weren't akward enough already. Maybe I can get a transfer to Mercy or something. Maybe I can drop off the face of the earth.

Time's going by very fast up here. I hope no one's looking for me downstairs. The last thing I need is to get in trouble with Weaver over work. But then again, maybe she'll fire me. Right now, that would solve all my problems.

My coffee's gone now, so I throw the cup off the building. The wind catches it and it goes soaring off into the distance. Too bad the wind can't carry me off like that.

"How are you doing?" asks a voice. It has Luka's thick accent.

"Listen," I say as he positions himself next to me. "I didn't ask Carter to talk to you. He did that all on his own, so don't blame me for it."

I keep my eyes facing straight ahead. I know that if I look at his face I'll loose what little composure I have left.

"I know that wasn't your doing," he replies.

"So what do you want?" I ask, still looking ahead.

"I think I'm ready to talk now," is his answer. Well it's about god-damn time. Although now my stomach's doing jumping-jacks. I wasn't expecting this. What am I going to say?

"Okay." Yes, that's my brilliant answer.

"Were you really scared to tell me about the baby?" He's being very sincere. There isn't a hint of animosity in his voice anymore.

"Yeah." Yet another brilliant answer full of depth.

"But why?"

"Because it would make you so happy," I say. I must have regained my speach. But stupid me, I looked at him. Bye bye composure.

Oh well. Maybe it will do me some good to be emotional.

"And you don't want me to be happy?" he asks. The thought that I don't want him happy seems to offend him.

"I do want you to be happy, it's just that I knew that I wouldn't have a choice but to have the baby once you knew about it. I never could have taken that away from you. I just know that I can't be a mother. I'm not cut out for it, and I don't want to be. You would've been happy with a baby, but I wouldn't. I'd be so afraid of becoming my mother. I'd let you down, I know I would."

"You don't know that for a fact," he contested.

"True, but I wasn't going to gamble with my child's and your happiness just to find out. That's a big risk that I'd rather not take. I'm sorry I didn't come to you, but I knew I wouldn't have a choice after you knew. I thought I could spare you loosing another child, and I'm sorry it happened the way it did. I wanted my conscious to be the only thing suffering."

"I'm sorry that you didn't think you had a choice, Abby," he says. Oh God, he said my name! It's been such a long time since I've heard him say my name.

But I still stand there looking at him silently. What am I supposed to say, that it's not his fault I was afraid of him?

"I think you were right," he says. "I wouldn't have let you make a choice. Maybe it's a good thing that things happened like they did. You wouldn't have been a good mother anyway if you were forced into it. You would have resented me as well."

"But you still resent me," I said. It's true, and he knows it, so he better not deny it. I don't like liars.

"Part of me does, and it's going to be hard for me to get over. It just shocked me to know that you could even think about doing that to our baby, but I guess I understand why."

"Can you ever forgive me?" Please say yes. Please say yes...

"I think so. It might take a while, but I want to try. Carter's right. I shouldn't throw away everything we have because of my pride."

My composure is totally gone now. I let out a sigh and wrap my arms around his waste, burrying my face into his chest. I start to cry, but only a little.

"Thank you so much," I say, though I don't know if her heard me because his shirt muffled the sound of my voice. He just kisses the top of my head.

Luka and I rode down in the elevator together, but he has to set off to work the second we step off. He smiles at me just before he walks away. It's a sight I never thought I'd see again.

Now it's not so hard to face my coworkers. Although there is one I need to talk to.

I find Carter at the water fountain. He's wiping water off his chin.

"Hey," I say as I approach him.

"Hey," he smiles back. "I saw Luka go up to the roof after you. How'd it go?"

"It went great. We're gonna try and work things out," I explain.

"That's great. I'm glad I could help."

"Yeah. Um, I was wondering if we could talk about that. You really put your ass on the line for me."

"What are friends for?" he smiles again.

"Did you mean what you said, about me?"

He becomes more serious. "Yeah, I did."

"How come you never told me?"

"Because I saw how happy you were with Luka, and that's what really mattered to me. Besides, why would I want to ruin what we have? You're my best friend, Abby. I don't want that to end."

"You're my best friend too, Carter. Thank you."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad I could help you."

"I owe you one," I tell him.

"Yeah I know," he replies. "I'm keeping tabs."

I give him a hug and a smile. He really is my best friend, I wasn't just saying that. I can't believe he got through to Luka. He really came through for me, and I hope I can return the favor someday.