Chapter Four: Letters
The past two days had been pure heaven. After James died, Sirius never thought that he would feel like this again, but having Harry here changed everything. Having Harry here to take care of made life worth living again. He had a purpose again. Harry loved him. He didn't know what the wizarding world believed he had done, he didn't know that he was living with some that was deemed dangerous. All Harry knew was that he was with his godfather. He was with a man that loved him and whom he loved just as much.
Harry reminded Sirius so much of James. The sparkle in his eyes when he smiled, the unruly mop of black hair that was already on his head, and the way he tried to grab and hide things when he didn't think Sirius was watching. As much as he looked like James, he could also see Lily in his little godson. The eyes of course, but they also shared the same laugh and wide smile. Although Sirius knew he would never get Lily and James back, he knew that Harry's being here was helping him deal with their death.
He knew, however, that Harry didn't understand what was going on. Over the past few days, he had called out for both his mother and father. When they hadn't come to him, Harry had looked at Sirius with a sad look in his eyes. Sirius didn't know what he could do. How were you suppose to explain to a baby that his parents were dead and not coming back? So he did the only thing that he could do. He picked Harry up and let him cry in his arms, Harry's tears mixing with his own.
- x -
A week had passed since he had gotten custody of Harry, when the first letter appeared. It was soon followed by loads more, until the floor was littered with parchment. It seemed that the word had gotten out that he had custody of "the savior of the wizarding world." It angered Sirius that that was all these people saw Harry as. They saw him as a hero and a possession, not as a baby that had just lost his parents. They didn't see Harry as a young boy that had feelings. A baby boy that needed to know that he was loved and that his parents didn't leave him on their own will.
They wanted Harry removed from his care because they thought he would ruin their savior. They believed he would fill Harry with lies, teaching him the dark arts from an earlier age. They all thought they could do better. Every letter that he had read stated that they could raise Harry better than he could. They all believed that Harry would come out as a better wizard if he grew up with a wizarding family.
Sirius knew better though. He knew that no one would be able to raise Harry like he could. No one, besides Remus, would be able to tell Harry about his parents. They wouldn't be able to tell him about the friends they had all become at school. They couldn't tell Harry how his father was loved by all and how many people wished they could be James, the leader of the most popular gang of boys. Nobody could tell Harry about the pranks they had pulled or the adventures they had went on. As for Lily, nobody would be able to tell him how brilliant she was, how she had helped the Marauders with their schoolwork, regardless of how much her and James argued. No other wizarding family could possibly tell Harry as much as he could.
They couldn't love Harry as much as he did either. Harry was a part of him. He had been since the moment Sirius had first laid eyes on his godson. He had promised James that day that he would never let anything happen to Harry. A promise that Sirius knew he would keep all his life. To the wizarding world, Harry was just their savior. Someone who had defeated the Dark Lord and made life easier for them. They would always think of Harry that way, Sirius knew. That title would always hang over Harry's head, and as long as they saw Harry as a savior, they would never see him as just a boy. A little boy that had become an orphan and need to be with someone familiar. Someone that had loved him before he became famous.
And that someone was him. Sirius didn't much care what the letters said about him. He had seen such words as traitor, filth, deatheater, kidnapper and such. He didn't care anymore what these people thought of him. It didn't matter that they saw him unfit to raise his godson. They couldn't do anything about it. They didn't have the power to take Harry from him. Only he had the power to give Harry up and he would never do such a thing, unless it was what Harry wanted.
To Sirius, Harry was so much more than "the savoir of the wizarding world." Harry was the son that he would never be able to have. The little baby that he held in his arms was just as much a part of him as James had been. They were a family. He had become part of the Potters when he was only eleven years old. James' death, however painful, did not change that. He was still a part of James, he was still a Potter.
There was one letter, however, that Sirius could not miss. One letter with his name written on the front with a familiar tidy scrawl. He had tried to ignore it. He had placed it on the table in the kitchen, but every time he saw it he thought of his old friend. He didn't want to read that letter. He didn't want to know what Remus thought of him. Besides Harry, Remus was the only other person in this world that he cared about. To actually see Remus calling him a traitor would be too much for him. He already knew that Remus thought he was guilty, but to actually see it in writing would make everything final.
- x -
For three days the letter sat on the table, in their makeshift kitchen. For three days, Sirius had walked passed it trying to ignore it. He didn't want to look at it. He didn't want to read what it said, but he knew that he had procrastinated long enough. With Harry placed securely in one arm, Sirius grabbed the letter and headed for the couch. Placing Harry on the floor near some toys, he watched his godson play for a couple minutes, before he carefully opened the letter.
How could you, Sirius? How could you betray Lily and James like that? They were your friends! We were all your friends! Did you have this planned all along?
You had us all fooled, Sirius! The whole wizarding world believe you were good. You made us all thing that there was a Black that practiced good magic. I never saw you practice dark magic, Sirius! I would never have thought you were a worshiper of the Dark Arts. When did you have time to practice? Were you that good of an actor or were we all fools to believe that a Black was actually on our side.
You are the reason Lily and James are dead, Sirius! You may not have personally killed them, but you are the reason that they were killed? How can you live with the fact that you killed your best friend, the man that you often referred to as a brother?
You killed them, Sirius, and now you have custody of their son? Don't do this to poor Harry! You have caused him enough pain. You've taken away his parents, and now you are forcing him to grow up in Azkaban? A prison is no place for a child, Sirius! He will grow up away from children his own age, away from any company, but you.
If you ever felt any love towards Lily and James, any loyalty, release your custody of Harry. He needs a proper home. He needs love. Lily and James never meant for Harry's life to end up like this. Just release him, Sirius! Give him to me or Dumbledore. We can raise him well. Don't ruin Harry's life anymore then you already have.
Sirius placed the letter on the couch beside him and turned to look at Harry. Would Harry's life really be better if he gave Remus custody? Remus loved Harry, Sirius knew that. He had seen his friend play with Harry before Lily and James had gone into hiding. Remus would be familiar and if he gave up custody now, Harry would soon forget him and have a happy life with Remus.
Not knowing what he should do, Sirius got up and sat on the floor across from Harry, just watching his godson play with his toys. He watched Harry play happily for a couple minutes until Harry realized that Sirius was there. Smiling happily, Harry cooed loudly and crawled over to Sirius. Climbing into his lap, Harry looked up into Sirius' face.
"Pafoo" Harry said as he smiled and placed his hand on Sirius' cheek.
"I love you, Harry. I'll always love you Harry." Sirius replied, picking up the child as he got up.
"Wuf Oo" Harry replied as he curled into his godfather's arms.
Singing Harry Lily's old lullaby, Sirius rocked Harry to sleep. Once asleep, Sirius placed his godson in his crib before heading into the kitchen to write a letter to his old friend.
A/n: There's chapter four. Sorry again for the long wait. Please review and let me know what you thought.