TITLE: Midnight In Garden of Drunk and Sober 1/1
AUTHOR: Sam (Lestrade42@aol.com)
FEEDBACK: Oh yeah, baby.
DISCLAIMER: All established characters belong to a group of people a hell of alot richer than me.

A Stargate SG-1/Doctor Who crossover.

This is the 4th installment of the "Vacation Week" Series.

Dedicated to Matonis. Be careful what you wish for :-) Happy birthday, Mike.

Major Samantha Carter stood, her arms high in the air. "I rule! This land is mine! Bow before me, little men!"

"Carter, it's just a jungle gym." Colonel Jack O'Neill's drunken voice came echoing along the spiral slide.

"Sir, you are no fun. Toss me another bottle." Sam caught the bottle in mid air, but promptly spilled most of it's contents over it's thrower.

"Carter! I already took a shower... Sunday, I think. What day is it?"

She looked at her watch, pouring more liquid to the ground below her. "Ah, it's Tuesday, sir."

"Damn, this week is flying by." He looked around him. "Where's Daniel?"

Sam shuffled to the edge of the monkey bars. "Um... he's talking to a telephone booth."

Jack nodded as he took a swig from his bottle. "If it starts talking back, let me know."

Daniel stepped aside and a tall man walked out of the booth.

"Hey guys, this guy's a doctor..."

"No no no. I'm THE Doctor, not a doctor." The man's voice was high pitched and British.

"Oh. Okay. THE Doctor and he needs our help."

"Yes. I need to go forward in time several centuries to stop a planet from blowing up."

"What do you need us for?"
The man brushed his hands over his long velvet coat. "Well, you see I normally work with UNIT..."

"Oh I know them," Sam said as she fell to the ground. "A branch of the United Nations that deals with aliens and the unexplained."

"Sounds like the X-Files," Daniel said. He pulled another bottle from his pocket and began to twist the cap.

The Doctor frowned. "Yes. Well, unfortunately I think I'm beginning to wear out my welcome. My TARDIS materialized in the main building and everyone screamed something along the lines of 'Oh no! Not him!' and ran away. So, can you help me?"

"Nope. We're on vacation." Jack said.

"And we're not affiliated with the UN." Sam said.

Daniel finally got the cap off his Mike's. "Plus we're REALLY drunk."

"I don't believe this. A million worlds out there, an infinite cosmos and the only people I come across are drunk, American military men!"

"Hey! I'm not military! I'm an archolgist... An archeloligst...," Daniel hiccuped. "I find rocks."

"Look, I'll show you all what to do and what to touch. Just please, come with me." The Doctor led them all to his phone booth.

Jack threw out his arms, catching Daniel and Sam in the chest. "Hang on. You're telling us that your phone booth can not only fly, but can travel in time."

The Doctor sighed. Humans.... "Yes."

"Are you sure you haven't been drinking any of these?"


The Doctor opened the doors of the TARDIS. "Here we are. Macgremich. In just a few minutes the whole planet will explode."

Daniel screamed and passed out.

"Don't mind him. He's got death issues."

"Afraid to die?"
"Nah. He's used to it by now. He's up to what, Carter. Eight, nine times?"

"I think so, sir."

The Doctor rolled eyes. It's times like this when he missed... well, anyone really. Any of his past companions would be better than this lot. Oh well. "Come with me. And don't touch that wire."

Jack leaned over wire the British guy had motioned to. "This one?" A drop of Mike's came tumbling from the mouth of the bottle.

"No!" The world seem to move in slow motion as the Doctor dove at the liquid spinning though the air. As the drop touched the wire, everything went white.


Jack hit the sidewalk hard. Another body slammed into him. Then a third. Then there was this horrible Whrrr-Whrr sound, then silence.

"Huh?" Sam said as she moved away from her superior.

"The last thing I remember," Jack said as he rubbed his head, "was some British guy mumbling something about 'always wanting to find the idiots that caused the Second Big Bang'. Then nothing."

Sam sat up, then tilted to the side. "Damn. This was such an opportunity. I mean, to travel to another world has always been a dream of mine. And time travel! My God! What a wasted chance! We could have met aliens!"

"Carter, we do that every day."

"Yeah, but this was different... in a way that I haven't' quite figured out yet. Oh well."

"That was a waste of time." Jack said, searching his pockets for more Mike's.

"I don't think so." Daniel said, pulling something from his pants pocket. "I snagged these from that guy before he kicked us out." He held up a large plastic bag.

"Sweet!" Jack said.

"Water balloons!" Sam cried.

To be continued.... yet again :-)