Today is Thanksgiving…so once I woke up from the 5 hour nap I took (too much turkey) I finally came up with a great plot. I figure, since of you people who live in other countries don't get to celebrate only holiday (other than Christmas) that makes it okay to gain weight and sleep while companies' showing slides of their trip to the Grand Canyon I'd include you in the festivities somehow. (It was either this or I mail you all turkeys and canned cranberry sauce.)
Summary: The Charmed Ones and family celebrate by telling the story of the first Thanksgiving. Cole, Grams, Billie, Prue, Patty, and Dex join the fun! (cuz they're fun to pick on.)
Chapter 1- 'Tis the Season!
Piper and Phoebe were in the kitchen making dinner (actually Freebie was standing there watching the tofu turkey cook while Piper mixed and chopped everything.
"Damn vegetarians," Phoebe thought about Paige. As if on cue Paige walked in, wearing a pilgrims dress. (idiot)
"Okay Piper, we're ready." Paige said.
"Ready for what?" Phoebe asked, outta the loop.
"Don't you remember? We're summoning Mom and Grams!" Piper cheered as she chugged down another glass of eggnog. Oh that explains the cheer. Lol
"And Prue…" Paige added a little forcefully.
"Prue?" Phoebe cried. "Why?"
"She saw Mom's invitation." Piper sighed.
"Fine, let's get this over with. Oh, and don't forget Dex is coming over." Phoebe said as the three of them headed for the attic.
"Yea Yea, doesn't that guy have a life of his own?" Piper asked.
"Do you count welding pieces of metal together and hanging out in elevators all day?" Phoebe questioned. Piper shook her head. "Then no," She answered mindlessly as they walked into the attic to see Billie and Leo making out on the couch.
"Break it up you two!" Piper screamed, not really caring, after all, who hasn't made out with Leo?
Prue: (raises her hand.) I haven't.
Me: Prue! Get out of here! You're about to be summoned! And I said 'who' not 'what'!
Anyway, Leo and Billie stand up. Paige makes a circle of candles and TCO hold hands and begin to recite. Even though it was a one-person job, it had to be dramatic.
'Hear my words,
hear my cries.
Spirits of our family who just won't die.
Come to me,
I summon thee
Now from wherever the hell you are arise.'
Suddenly a gust of wind blows in, and balls of light (hehe, balls.lol) appear and settle inside the circle, leaving Prue, Grams, and Patty, standing there.
"Mommy!" Phoebe cries and runs to hug her mom, but since they're still in the circle, they're still transparent, so Freebie flies through her and breaks through the 2nd story window.
Everyone stands there for a minute until the ghosts of Pest, Pregnant (4x), and Fuc-I mean future become whole. Grams, starts to circle Billie like a dog.
"Piper," She starts. "When did you have another child?" She asks as she picks up a piece of Billie's hair and drops it.
"She's not mine Grams." Piper insists.
"Good," Grams mutters
"Hey!" Billie whines. Piper slaps her.
Prue and Paige, unaware of anyone but themselves, and one another, are eyeing each other angrily.
"So you're Prue," Paige says, not impressed.
"And you're Zorro, we meet at last." Prue says in an accent.
Paige raises an eyebrow.
Billie, tired of watching Leo and Patty make out as Piper listens to Grams rant, comes over to them.
"Hi, I'm Billie!" The Blonde One sticks out her hand. Prue just stares.
"Who the fuck is she?" Prue mutters to he replac-I mean half sister.
"Annoying," Paige answers. Prue laughs, and so does Paige. Ah I thought there was gonna be a catfight, maybe later. Billie runs off crying.
Phoebe walks back in picking shards of glass off her face.
"Mommy!" Phoebe cheers again. This time Patty steps to the side and Phoebe trips and smacks her face on the floor. Everyone laughs.
The doorbell rings. Phoebe shoots up.
"I got it! It's probably Dex!" She says and runs out.
"Who's Dex?" Patty asks as they all make their way downstairs.
"Um, Phoebe's stalker." Leo answers.
Phoebe opens the door, and Dex walks in and hands her a bouquet of flowers.
"Phoebe, you look…" He stops, her face is all cut up, her nose is bleeding, and her eye is swollen shut. "nice."
"Thanks! Come on in," She guided him into the front room and introduced him to her family.
Piper walks in from the kitchen.
"Well, Paige's tofu turkey 'accidentally' burned. So it's gonna be awhile till Billie's back from the store with a new one."
"What should we do until then?" Paige asks.
"Play strip poker?" Someone suggests. Guess who it was?
Fast-Forward…Everyone except Piper is naked.
"All right, I won this hand too, off with the boxers Leo!" Piper orders. Leo stands up, and takes off his boxers and hands them to Piper. Everyone is cheering, even Dex. But he stops when Phoebe looks at him, he just pretends to look away.
"What now?" Patty asked once they're all fully dressed again.
"I know, have you guys ever heard the story of the first Thanksgiving?" Piper asks.
"Sure, it's when we all had that huge party after Prue's funeral." Leo answers. Prue slaps him.
"Not that one! Okay, gather round children, and I'll tell you the story of how the Pilgrims and Indians managed to get along for one lousy day and share a meal."
Massachusetts…whenever it's supposed to be.
In a wood cabin, Piper is sitting in front of a fire, mixing something in a large pot while baby Chris and Wyatt play in the corner. They're all wearing pilgrim clothes. Leo walks in, also in pilgrim clothes.
"Hello wife," He says as he kisses her on the cheek.
"I spoke with Chief Cole today, and apparently they're inviting their cousins so it's gonna be about a hundred more ears of maize."
"What's maize?" Billie asks, walking in the door.
"Well the pilgrim women introduced the Indian women to gay sex, and they called it 'Maize' because in lesbian sex, it's very easy to get confused and lose your way." Dex tries to explain. Grams kicks him in the balls.
"It's another name for corn." Grams corrects.
"Oh," Billie says. "Why didn't they just call it corn?"
"Because that would be the 'Billie' thing to do." Paige answers. Go Paige! Wait, did I just compliment Paige? Oh boy.
"Anyway… Apparently the Pilgrims and Indians arranged for a huge dinner…"
"Alright," Pilgrim Piper answers. "I'll go see if any of the other women need help." She walks out of the house and over to Billie, Paige, (who are in the same thing as her,) and Prue and Phoebe, (who are in loin clothes and old-school tube tops). Yes, I know all the light-haired people ended up as Pilgrims (cept Piper and Paige) and everyone else got to be an Indian, but hey, don't blame me, my ancestors were over in Spain and Ireland going to church and getting drunk at that time, so I wouldn't know how the hell they looked. Any-way, they're all sitting at a really long table doing different things.
"Do you four need any help?"
"You can go prepare the turkeys." Prue answers.
"Can do," Piper answers and grabs an ax from the block and walks over to a pen with about 10 turkeys and starts swinging away. "Here turkey, turkey, turkey!"
"So I said to Cole, I said. I don't care how many wives the other chiefs have! I don't swing that way!" Phoebe screams and opens a can of cranberry sauce. Wow, how wrong is that.
"Men," Billie scoffed. Gutting a fish.
"That's why I'm gay." Paige starts. "Can't go wrong with some old fashioned Maize." Hmm, guess Dex was right. I owe him an apology. WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!
"Okay, we're sick of hearing you go on and on about having a girlfriend! We've never even seen her!" Prue screams and throws some fish guts at her; they hit her in the face. She wipes them off.
Just then Elise walks up, dressed as a pilgrim and kisses Paige. Everyone stares, Phoebe's eye twitches. Eww. But c'mon, we all knew Elise likes chicks, didn't we? I mean, why else would she hire Phoebe? Cuz she was talented? I-don't-think-so!
"Do any of you need some help?" Elise asks.
"No, No we're good!" Phoebe answers quickly.
"Alright, I'm going to go see if Patty and Penny need any help with the seating chart." She turns and leaves. (FYI, Penny is a Pilgrim and Patty isn't.)
Everyone is sitting at the table…and by everyone I mean everyone that's ever been on the show for more then 10 minutes.
Cole and Phoebe are sitting across from Piper and Leo. Penny is next to them, then Paige, then Dex…Dan, Jenny, you get the general idea.
Cole stands up and raises a glass of…whatever they had back then.
"To family, friends, and good health!" He toasts and drinks.
"To health!" Everyone cheers. (Of course later that winter half of them ended up dying…)
Dizzy effect out…
Back at the Manor, everyone sat around the table, passing food around and talking.
Once everyone was seated. Piper spoke up.
"Okay, I think we should all say what we're grateful for." She suggests.
"I'll go first!" Phoebe volunteers and clears her throat.
"I'm grateful for all the shoe sales that are happening tomorrow."
"I'm grateful for the chance to be able to sleep with Phoebe!" Dex proclaims.
"Dude, that's nothing to be grateful for." Leo tells him. "But, I'm thankful for, bike shorts, yoga, and the Broadway play 'Rent'."
"Well, and I speak for Patty too when I say this; I'm grateful to see all you girls happy and healthy." She turns to Phoebe. "For the most part."
"For the fact that I'm able to drink illegally and I know you guys won't tell anyone!" Billie says and is about to take a drink of wine but Piper snags it.
"For the beautiful pot I found in the junk drawer last week." Piper says. Grams looks mad, because she forgot where she hid that back in the 70's.
"If anyone cares, I'm thankful for the big-screen TV Paige is gonna get me once I show her the pictures I have of her at Mardi Gras with a certain demon slash lawyer slash ex-source. Who of which will not be named." Paige, you stupid bitch. Hey! I'm back!
"And finally, I'm thankful for this delicious tofu turkey that Billie bought!" Paige exclaims and takes a huge bite.
Billie leans over to Piper. "It was supposed to be tofu?" She whispers.
And I'm thankful for that facts that I don't have school and get paid tomorrow!
Okay, that was a little lame, I'll admit, but the Christmas one's gonna be way better!