Get a Clue
A/N: Just a fun little one-shot type thing that came to me this afternoon. Another chapter to my Batman Begins fic will follow shortly, I promise!
There were three pizza boxes stacked on the floor of the room, and the lid of the trash can had been strained by the paper plates crammed into it. The BAU was one of only a few teams who had come in on Thanksgiving to consider what was one of their most vexing cases yet.
"Well, I still say it was him." Dr. Spencer Reid insisted. "The man has all the makings of a psychopath. He's killed the man, but he stays in the house. He wants to see how the rest of the world will react to the body, which he also leaves in plain sight."
"Yeah right." Morgan snorted derisively. "You're just upset cause he's the reason you're exploring your feminine side." Reid blushed furiously and smacked Morgan, who promptly hit back. The two continued to fight until Gideon cleared his throat.
"Gentlemen." His voice held a long-suffering note. "I believe Garcia has something to tell us about our unsub." He turned to the techie expectantly.
She wrinkled her nose and glanced at the narrow strip of paper in her hand. "I think he did it in the library."
"Well, I hate to do this Gideon, but it was you."
"You think I'm the unsub? Of all the ironies." Gideon let out a windy sigh and moved the purple piece into place. "You know, it's interesting that you refer to me and not Professor Plum."
"What was his weapon?" Hotch asked, his eyes on his checklist.
"The revolver, I think." She grinned.
"I," Gideon moved the tiny weapon into the library. "Don't carry one."
"You could have lifted one of Hotch's. So. Who's going to prove me wrong?"
"Well." Elle studied her own cards. "I hate to rain on your parade, but…" she extracted a card and displayed it.
"Damn." Garcia made a note on the checklist.
"See? I told you it was him." Reid tapped the little green piece.
"If you want to test that theory, you're going to have to roll."
"I'm going to." Spence reached for the die. He dropped it carelessly. "One. Two. Three. Four." He counted his way into the conservatory.
"Why would anybody want to kill someone in a conservatory?" Elle asked.
"Maybe our unsub is an exhibitionist." Gideon pointed out.
"Or he has a thing with pointsettias." Morgan joked.
Spencer coughed pointedly. "I accuse Mr. Green in the conservatory with the wrench!"
Gideon silently showed him a card, and Spence said. "Interesting." He stared intently at the board, seeming to forget about the others.
"He's cute when he's preoccupied." Four pairs of horrified eyes turned to Garcia. "What?" She demanded defensively. "He is."
Hotch merely shook his head. "Can I have the die now?"
"What?" Spencer, completely oblivious to the exchange, returned to earth abruptly. "Oh yeah." Looking sheepish, he passed it to Hotch who rolled his way into the study. "Miss Scarlet in the study with the rope."
Getting into the idea, Elle widened her eyes deliberately. "Why Agent Hotchner! Surely you don't think I'd be capable of such a vicious act? And with a rope! I just hope someone can exonerate helpless little me." She was practically purring.
With a cough, Morgan presented Hotch with a card. "Thanks." He passed the die to Elle, who set it down. "Since you're already here, I'll just have to accuse Colonel Mustard in the Study with the candlestick."
She looked around. "Sorry." Garcia said, and flashed a card in Elle's direction.
Morgan picked up the die and rattled it around in his hand. "Come on lucky number six." He kissed his closed fist and dropped the die, which came to a stop with the six on top."
"Yes." He made his way into the billiard room. "All right, to get you back for hounding me, I accuse him – I mean her –" he corrected himself, picking up Reid's blue piece, "in the Hall with the lead pipe."
Gideon showed him a card. "Damn." Morgan said.
Gideon looked around at all of them, meeting each one's gaze in turn. "I know who our unsub is. It was Mrs. Peacock in the library with the lead pipe."
The others looked at their cards. After a moment, Hotch rose to stretch and went to his desk, where he picked up the receiver of his phone and dialed. "J.J.," he said his tone grave. "Could you come in here a moment? We need your help."
In a moment, the blonde agent was in the Unit's offices, her IRS-staffer boyfriend in tow. "All right, guys, I've gotten you access to the files for tomorrow, so if there's nothing else you think you'll need, we should get going. We're eating at his family's place."
"J.J." Gideon's voice was grave. "I need you to look into this envelope and tell me what you find." He handed her the "CONFIDENTIAL" envelope from the middle of the board.
She opened it, and read. "Mrs. Peacock, the library, the lead pipe."
"Damn it, Gideon. I don't know how you do it." Hotch's tone was rueful.
"It was simple. Mrs. Peacock," he gestured to Spencer, "believed in a little green man. It wasn't a huge jump to assume that she heard this little green man telling her to kill Mr. Body." This pronouncement was greeted by groans. "Also, she was the only one with her card unaccounted for."
"I don't know if we should pursue it, though." Elle's tone was thoughtful. "The man's name was Body. Wasn't he kind of asking for it?"
Each member of the team pondered this question in silence. After a moment, Morgan said, "So, anybody up for Chinese?"