Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King
CHAPTER THREE - Marriage
Hi, Horo Horo! How do you feel? Nervous that your bachelorhood is about to be down the drain?" Yoh asked.
"It's about to rain!" Chocolove stupidly joked. Ren turned to him with a dark cloud surrounding him.
"Chocolove... You are going to die very, very young..." he growled and jumped him.
"Nah. My bachelorhood ended about the day I met Ren." Horo said.
"How about you, Ren? Afraid?" Yoh asked, turning to the other.
"French braid!" Chocolove shouted, obviously not getting the hint from Ren, so Horo Horo hunted him down this time.
"Not really. I've never been interested in anyone other than Horo." he replied.
"Dude, this party bites. Bachelor parties are supposed to have scared grooms, hot female dancers, and alcohol." some guy said.
"Who is he?" Horo asked Ren.
"My cousin, Ambrose." Ren replied.
"You have too many relatives! I will never memorize all of my in-laws' names!" Horo whined.
"Too bad." Ren smiled.
"We can't have hot female dancers. Anna would kill me because we're going to be married, and Ren and Horo don't want them because they're gay." Yoh explained.
"We prefer homosexual." Horo said, sitting on Chocolove so he couldn't make jokes.
"As for alcohol, I am never touching that stuff again. I danced like a slut in front of strangers!" Ren yelled, sitting on Horo's lap and cuddling him.
"Aww... I liked your sexy dance. I was going to get that song on CD and some alcoholic beverages and have some fun with you." Horo said.
"What song was it?" Ren asked.
"It's getting hot in here, uh huh, so take off all your clothes, I am-!" Horo sang before Ren clamped his hands over his mouth.
"Oh my god, I danced to that!" he yelled.
"Yup. Talk about a major turn on." Horo said.
"Too much information!" Manta yelled as Yoh and Ambrose laughed.
"Hey, Ren, you never said how your father reacted to the news!" Horo said.
"Well, I called him up that day and..." he began.
Ren waited patiently as the phone rang... and rang... and rang... and rang... and rang... and, well, you get the picture, it kept ringing. "Did I get the wrong number! Augh! this is Satan's tool! This is the phone from hell!" Ren hung up and chucked the phone out the window.
It fell the many stories and smashed on a random pedestrian's head, who yelled angrily, atomped on the broken phone, and hurried off. Ren considered going down and slicing it into tiny scraps of plastic and electronics with his kwan dao, but upon contemplation, decided that he was safer the further away from the demon-spawned thing he was, and that Jun would be mad enough with its having been thrown out the window.
"The phone from hell?" Horo asked.
"Ring the bell!" Chocolove yelled, earning a smack that knocked him unconscious, this time from Ambrose.
"So you never told En?" Ambrose asked.
"Oh, I called back later... on the new phone." Ren said.
"Hello, Ren?" En answered.
"Hello, father. I have an announcement. One that will affect the whole family." Ren said.
"Okay..." En waited expectantly.
"I'm getting married." he said after a pause.
"So you found your Shaman Queen?" he asked.
"You could say that... More like he found his Shaman Queen, but I still love him, so I guess he's my Shaman Queen." Ren grinned evilly.
"What the fuck!" En yelled.
"Yes, I have fucked him already." Ren's grin broadened, until he got no answer.
"Hello? En? Father? Tell me you haven't died of a heart attack!" he said into the phone when nothing happened.
"Good for you, Ren! I heard the whole thing on the other phone! Who is the lucky boy?" Ran asked.
"It's Horo. Is dad alive?" Ren asked.
"Good for him, then. En passed out and his shirt's on fire from a torch, but other than that, he's fine! Bye, son!" she said cheerily.
"Bye!" he hung up.
"...Ren, you have a strange sense of humor." Horo stated after a long pause.
"Maybe, but you didn't tell me how your parents reacted, yet." Ren said.
"Okay.. it went like this..." Horo started.
"Hello?" Horo's father answered.
"Hey! Dad, put me on speaker phone so mom can hear? I have great news!" Horo said happily, still on a high of ecstacy from Ren's answer.
"Okay, son, we can hear you." Horo's mother said.
"I have finally proposed to the one I love and I'm getting married!" he said in joy.
"Oh my god! My baby's all grown up! Why didn't you tell us you got a girlfriend? I knew sending him to the city was a good thing! Who is she?" his mother asked.
"Uhh... yeah... Ren." he said.
"Oh! I'm going to have a daughter-in-law named Ren! What an absolutely lovely name!" his mother exclaimed.
"Mom... Ren is a guy. You're about to get a son-in-law named Ren." he said.
"What! I told you it was a bad idea to send him to the city! You good-for-nothing husband! Look what you've done! Our son is gay because of you!" she screamed at his father.
"I guess it's a bad time to say Pilika's a lesbian?" Horo asked. A loud thump was heard.
"Hello?" Horo asked.
"Your mother popped a vein in her forehead... Why me?" his father said with a sigh.
"Well you can tell mom that Pilika's not a lesbian. I was just joking about that part!" he hung up.
"And you say I have a twisted sense of humor." Ren muttered.
"So how are preparations coming?" Yoh asked.
"We get married in two months, July seventeenth. Anna has taken over the planning, so it's pretty easy. It'll just be close friends and family for Ren's sake. Only girls will wear dresses, despite my begging. Jun is, of course, Maid of Honor, and Jenny and Pilika are the other two maids. Tamao is the flower girl, Yoh the Best Man, and Manta the ring boy. Anna, for some reason, is an official reverend from some online site, so she'll marry us. En is having trouble walking Ren down the aisle, so Ran is taking his place. We're getting married in the Funbari Onsen, and we're leaving on my new board. Then it's a one night stay at a hotel and off by plane to Hawaii for a three week honeymoon, first class all the way. When we come back, we have an apartment of our own to look forward to." Horo Horo explained.
"That's a long honeymoon." Manta commented.
"It's because Horo's like a rabbit." Ren said, and Manta fainted.
When he recovered, Ren smiled evilly and added, "When we come back, don't ask why I can't walk." Manta fainted again.
!WEDDING DAY MORNING!
"Ren! I can't find my socks! Where'd you hide them!" Horo yelled.
"I'm right next to you, you don't have to yell. They're in your hands." Ren replied. Horo looked down.
"Oh. thanks." he said, dumbfounded.
"Then where are my pants?" he asked.
"In the closet."
"Then where's my shirt?"
"On the coat rack." Ren said before he finished.
"How'd you know what I was going to ask?" Horo pouted.
"Even though we aren't married yet, I've been living with you for nearly a year." Ren reminded him, and they headed for the elevator.
"What's with the bag?" Horo questioned him. Ren looked at the black bag he held.
"You'll see...later." he said mysteriously.
!ALMOST WEDDING TIME!
"Ren! You ready? We start soon!" Jun called though the door.
"Almost. Is the surprise all set up?" he asked.
"Yeah! It's all good!" she answered. He smiled. This would be a day to remember.
"I can't believe I'm doing this." he whispered.
!SAME TIME, ELSEWHERE!
"Horo! You set up? We need you out here now!" Yoh called.
"Sure." Horo said.
Horo and Yoh stood side by side at the appointed alter. Anna held a Bible and waited quietly. Chairs were set up and everyone waited for the 'bride.' And what a bride he was! Music began to play and the procession began. Finally, Ren appeared, clad in a long, white wedding dress with a burning red face. Ran was beside him, looking elegant, as usual. He reached the alter and stared through a veil into beautiful blue eyes, eyes that were staring in disbelief but obviously enjoying the first phase of Ren's surprise.
The wedding continued without hindrance other than Manta falling on his way up the aisle. They said their vows and kissed, causing many green and pale faces. Trouble hit during the reception, however, when the bride brought out a kwan dao and ran in an unlady-like fashion after a terrified Chocolove, who had made the mistake of cracking the Cinderella Ren joke. But all was well and they hid the body... just kidding.
Ren and Horo mingled a bit and some people danced. Ren slipped over to Jun. "Everything set?" he asked.
"Yup! All ready for your signal!" she replied with a grin.
He returned it and said, "When I get Horo to the middle of the dance floor." She nodded and he bustled off to his husband. He inconspicuously led him to the center of the dance floor, where he stepped back a step from Horo.
The lights dimmed and colored lights flew around as new music started up. Not just any music, though, it was the song Ren danced to when drunk. Horo stared at him, confused, as he quickly threw off the wedding dress. (It had been Velcro for easy removal.) This action revealed a Chinese, black belly shirt and a very, very short, skimpy, black skirt. Horo gaped at him as he simply smiled mischievously and began to dance.
"Dance." he ordered, and Horo obeyed, still unable to tear his eyes from him as he danced circles around him, pulling closer and backing off to the beat.
"Ren, what is this?" he asked, bewildered.
"It's our song. Surprise!" Ren replied. The song ended and a slow song began, drawing couples onto the dance floor. Ren wrapped his arms around Horo's neck as his lover's hands rested on his hips. Afterwards they left the dancing to find En passed out from the sight of his son.
!TIME TO GO!
Horo and Ren hopped onto the board in oversoul. Ren turned to Jun.
"Bye nee-san. See you in three weeks." Ren said.
He turned his gaze to Manta evilly and added, "If I can walk." Manta fainted.
"See you, Pilika. Yoh, you better protect her while I'm gone." Horo said, and they zoom off to their lives.
Ren and Horo are happily married and have been for three years. They are now almost twenty and Ren could walk when they returned. Horo never disturbs Ren's sleep, for fear of what second offenses are punished with. Ren has destroyed fifty-two 'evil' phones. Jun has her work to keep her busy. En and Ran run the Tao mansion. Horo's parents live in the Ainu village. Yoh and Anna got married, but prefer not to remember their wedding day. Manta tries to avoid visiting Horo and Ren, and is still short and single, despite his best efforts. Chocolove continues to be hurt; he never seems to learn his jokes suck. And all was well, but to two rabbit-like shamans, that was an unforgettable Christmas.