Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King
CHAPTER ONE – Honeymoon Day One
"Ok, now we just need to find the right gate, right?" Horo asked as he glanced around the large airport.
"Gate 36... This way." Ren said, dragging Horo by the hand in the right direction.
"How do you know?" Horo asked.
"The sign says Gates 36-40 are over here, numbskull." Ren replied, plopping into a seat to wait for boarding time.
"You know, just because you're having a bad day, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me." Horo said.
"I thought we agreed never to mention it." Ren growled.
"Aww, c'mon! You were so cute throwing a temper tantrum because they wouldn't let you take your kwan dao as a carry-on and you had to check it in!" he whined.
"Well, I found it funny when security brought you to the side and were almost ready to do a strip search when it turned out you had a screw in your pocket." Ren smirked.
"No fair! How was I to know that the screw I stole from Chocolove's bike was still there?" Horo complained.
"I don't even want to know, do I?" Ren raised a brow before turning to his cross word puzzle.
"So, how much longer?" he asked in a bored tone.
"We just got here, baka! We have half an hour to wait if all goes according to schedule." he replied in an agitated voice.
"Half an hour? That's a long time... Wanna have some fun?" he asked with an evil look.
"Horo. Not here. You know how I feel about disgusting, revolting acts of affection in public areas. This is an airport, for crying out loud." Ren said sternly.
"Aww... C'mon! You did that sexy dance at the onsen..." Horo whined. Ren turned red.
"It was our wedding, not just a random thing and it took a lot of planning and sneaking behind your back to pull it off. It also took Jun begging me and pleading, and eventually blackmailing me, curse her." he said.
"We can go to the bathroom." Horo suggested.
"No. That is my final answer." he said. Horo crossed his arms and pouted, turning away from him.
"Don't be like that, Horo. Come on... Please? Fine, you win. But only a little bit, okay?" Ren sighed as his husband turned around with a cheesy grin on his face, bringing his lips to his. A few minutes later Ren pulled away, wanting to melt under the glares he received. Horo Horo glared back at the people.
"You got a problem with me or my husband?" he asked angrily, grabbing Ren into his arms and kissing him again, this time bringing his lips down to caress his neck just to spite them. Ren smiled faintly, pride swelling within him, and when Horo claimed his lips once more, he deepened it, surprising his lover.
"I thought you didn't like PDA?" he asked mockingly.
"I don't. But I can't just let you beat me at something, now can I?" he said, kissing him again.
"Flight 107 now boarding... Flight 107 now boarding..." the speaker droned, and Ren pulled away.
"C'mon, Horo, that's our flight." he said as he headed off towards the gate, Horo at his heals. The two of them got on the large plane and sat in their seats, Ren pulling his cross-word puzzle out again.
"Ren?" Horo asked, and Ren ignored him.
"Ren." Again, ignored.
"Ren..." Vein popping out of forehead, but still ignoring.
"Renny!" Horo exclaimed, causing Ren to turn angrily to him. Horo perked up, glad for the attention.
"WHAT, you snow boarding FREAK!" he ground out, trying to stay calm.
"Nothing! I just wanted you to notice me!" Horo Horo grinned ridiculously, oblivious to the slight twitch Ren was getting in his right eye. It was never good when the twitch came.
"Horo Horo... I am going to kill you..." he growled slowly and precisely. Horo shrank back slightly, his grin disappearing to be replaced with a slightly unnerved look.
"Uh... Ren, you know I'm allergic to pain, right?" Horo asked nervously.
"One moment, Horo Horo, DEAR." Ren said sarcastically, grabbing the pillow from under his seat. He buried his face in it and screamed loudly. Horo glanced around, trying to melt under the looks he was getting. Ren removed the pillow and shut his eyes, breathing deeply while silently counting to ten. Then he turned to Horo with a fake sweet and innocent smile.
"Honey, I'm going to go to the bathroom." he said mockingly. He nodded vigorously, sinking low in his seat. When Ren returned, he was fully composed and proud that he had refrained from causing a scene in public. Such amazing self control he has gained! He returned to his cross word puzzle while Horo stared out the window.
"I'm booooored!" Horo whined a few hours later.
"So?" Ren asked, still enveloped in the last puzzle in his jumbo size book.
"So entertain me." Horo said.
"I'm busy. Why can't staring out the window continue to interest you for a few more hours?" he asked, not really listening.
"It's dark out. I can't see anything." he pursed his lips.
"Mm-hmm." Ren nodded slightly, thoughts entirely on number 23 Down. Horo looked over his shoulder.
"It's Walter." he said simply, returning to his earlier position. Ren scrawled in the answer and closed the book, placing it in the bag and turning to his husband.
"Now will you entertain me?" Horo asked pitifully.
"I'm tired. I just want to sleep. But if it makes you feel better, I'll use you for a pillow." Ren yawned, wrapping Horo's arm around him and snuggling into the crook of his neck. He closed his eyes and soon his breathing evened. Horo stared at him and grinned, pulling out a camera from the bag. He snapped a quick photo and replaced the camera before leaning back and drifting off into blissful sleep. He woke to Ren shaking him lightly.
"Horo, it's time to get up. Breakfast is here and we aren't getting another chance to eat for eight hours after this." he said. Horo blinked his eyes open slowly and stared at him with a bewildered look.
"Huh?" he said stupidly.
"I love how you do that in the morning. It's so cute to watch you look dazed and confused like that." Ren chuckled and handed Horo a sandwich. Horo ate it dumbly, still not fully awake.
"Chew it, then swallow, you moron." Ren reminded him, and he chewed slowly, finally beginning to register his surroundings.
"How much longer?" Horo asked.
"One more hour in the plane and then a six hour drive to our hotel." Ren answered. When they landed, they headed straight for the car rental.
"Usui, Horokeu and Ren" Ren told the woman.
"Ren, check this out!" Horo said excitedly, lifting up a stuffed monkey for his examination.
"Put it back, Horo. We aren't getting it." Ren said as though he'd memorized those words.
"You didn't even look! Please, can we get it? Please?" Horo whined, shoving the stuffed toy in Ren's face.
"Isn't he cute?" he cooed, hugging it.
"We aren't getting it, Horo Horo." Ren repeated.
"Please? He'll be lonely without me! We've created a special bond! You can't separate us now!" he protested.
"Horokeu Usui put that thing back where it came from, or so help me, I will do something no mortal has ever dreamed of in their most terrifying nightmares!" Ren shouted. Horo stared at him from his seat on the floor with wide eyes. Then they began to water. His lower lip trembling and stuck out ever-so-slightly and his eyes got big and soulful. That's right, folks! The infamous puppy dog eyes!
"No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Stop that! No. No. Oh, FINE! Get the stupid monkey!" he caved, turning back to the counter where the lady held the keys.
"You two are the cutest brothers I've ever seen!" she said with a smile. Ren snatched the keys.
"He's my husband." he grumbled. Horo joined him, the monkey in tow.
"We're newlyweds. It's our honeymoon." he said with a wink. She sputtered but the two had already started off for their baggage.
"Here, this is yours... that too..." Ren said, grabbing Horo's two bags.
"Where the crap is my bag!" Ren snapped thirty minutes later as the last bags disappeared into the hands of their owners.
"I don't know. Why don't you ask the guy in charge of baggage?" Horo asked, occupied with cuddling his monkey.
"You're such a cute little monkey. Yes you are. Yes you are." he told it in baby talk.
"I swear you love that thing more than me." Ren mumbled, watching a few suitcases go by as he contemplated their next moves.
"He's not a thing! His name is Milk." Horo said indignantly.
"Whatever." Ren said as he dragged Horo off to the office.
"Excuse me, my bag is missing. I was on flight 107. Usui Ren" he told the man.
"Has that flight come in, yet, sir?" he asked. Ren's eyes narrowed slightly in frustration.
"Yes." he ground out.
"You sure?" the guy asked, eyes on the computer screen.
"Yes, I'm sure. I was on the flight. If it hadn't come in, I wouldn't be here, now, would I?" he asked, eye twitching and fists clenched.
"Oh... Yeah! I won! I won!" the guy cheered, pumping his fists in the air as he rejoiced, unaware of his dangerous mistake.
"You little bastard! What have you been doing this entire time!" Ren screamed, snatching him by the throat and attempting to choke him when he saw the poor person had just won a game of solitaire.
"I am going to kill you! Die! Die! Die!" he yelled, wringing the man's neck.
"Uhh... Ren? I found your kwan dao, but this lady says your baggage was lost and you'll get compensation for anything you buy to replace your stuff until they find it... You can stop killing him, now." Horo said uneasily. Ren let go of the scared man and sat down, trying to breath and calm down.
"You can hug Milk if you want to." Horo grinned, handing Ren the stuffed monkey. Ren stared at the cheesy smile forever plastered to the simian's face, then sighed, shaking his head.
"Let's just go, Horo." he said wearily, standing and leading the way to where the car was. When they got there, they found the car and packed in the bags. Ren started the car up and they went on their way. After a few minutes, a smell wafted up from the engine and their noses were assaulted with the scent of burning animal.
"What's that smell? Gross..." Horo said disgustedly.
"I am killing the rental place. I am killing the rental place. I am killing the rental place." Ren began repeating as he pulled over. He hopped out and popped open the hood, wrinkling his nose in distaste as he stared at what appeared to be a burial ground for squirrels and other small, woodland creatures. He quickly closed it and jumped back into the driver's seat, heading out again.
"So what was it?" Horo Horo asked.
"Hello! That was our death scene." the ghosts of the poor animals said in loud, obnoxious voices.
"God, no." Ren mumbled as the annoying creatures turned out to be a strange mixed personality of Conchi, Ponchi, and Dori from Finding Nemo. Soon, Horo had joined them in playing car games like Name that Stain, Name that Rip, and Name that Death. Needless to say, the answers were horrifying.
"That's it! Stop with the stupid games right now! It's disgusting!" Ren yelled.
"How? It's only food stains." Horo said.
"...You do know that the one you haven't guessed is NOT a food stain, right?" Ren asked.
"Um...no, what is it?" he asked. Ren turned green.
"It's the same substance you get if you add me, you, and a romantic evening." he said.
"Oh... bath water?" Horo suggested.
"No, you idiot! Jesus Christ! It's what you get after we've had sex!" Ren yelled, turning to him with a red face.
"Shouldn't you be watching the road?" Horo asked. Ren silently turned back to the road, breathing heavily.
"...Well, Ren gets 1000 points for that answer. Ren wins!" said a chipmunk. They all cheered.
"Now let's play, I Spy A Dead Weasel!" said a chicken, the only one who didn't come from the forest.
"No! I want to play, Name that Smell!" a frog said.
"NO. MORE. GAMES!" Ren snapped.
"...Let's play..." a squirrel started.
"Don't make me pull over and send you all straight to hell." Ren warned.
"I want to sing! Let's sing the car ride songs!" the chipmunk said.
"Shit." Ren mumbled as Horo and the ghosts all joined in to sing several random annoying songs.
"Suffocation! Coming on a nation! Suffocation! Is my favorite game! First you take a bowling ball, roll it down your favorite hall, hits your dad, he gets mad! Oh-oh-oh-oh! Suffocation! Coming on a nation! Suffocation! Is my favorite game! First you take a plastic bag, put it on your head, show your friends, then you're dead! Oh-oh-oh-oh! Suffocation! Coming on a nation! Suffocation! Is my favorite game! First you take a garden hose, shove it up your nose, turn it on, then you're gone! Oh-oh-oh..." they sang.
"If you all don't shut up, I'll shove something up your nose that you'll never forget!" Ren yelled.
"Eww... That's nasty!" said the chicken.
"AUGH!" Ren screamed and the ghosts disappeared.
"Ren?" Horo whispered, trying not to agitate him further.
"What!" he growled.
"Can we take a food break?" he asked.
"No. I already told you that we aren't eating until we get to the hotel." Ren replied.
"Oh. Well, it's too bad we just missed our turn. At least I think we did." Horo began mumbling to himself as he buried his face in a map. Ren pulled over and snatched the paper from him.
"Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, holy fucking shit!" Ren yelled at the top of his lungs.
"Are you okay?" Horo asked, dreading the answer.
"We went the wrong way about an hour ago, we've been driving around in circles, my only bag is lost, everyone is against our sexuality, and I've been staring at the road for four hours with a bunch of freakish, dead animals and an obnoxious, annoying Ainu-baka playing disgusting games and singing stupid songs for to drive me insane! Do you THINK I'm okay!" he snapped. Horo's eyes widened slightly and a pained look crossed his face. He unbuckled his seat belt and jumped out of the car.
"Horo? Horo, I didn't mean it!" Ren called, hopping out as well. Horo had popped open the hood again and surveyed the smelly mess. Grabbing his snowboard out of seemingly nowhere, he sprayed ice on the source of the stench, effectively destroying it. Without a word he got into the driver's seat and took a glance at the map, confirming directions in his head. He nodded quietly to himself and after Ren had gotten in, took them off toward the hotel.
"Horo Horo... I really didn't mean it...I was upset, I didn't think about what I was saying... Say something, Horo...Please..." he begged. Horo continued to watch the road ahead of them, not even pausing to blink.
"Oohh... Ren's in trouble!" Chipmunk whispered in the back.
"He's in the doghouse." Chicken said gleefully.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he slept on the couch tonight." chuckled a squirrel. Ren glared harshly at them and they disappeared in a flash. The rest of the ride went on in silence and they checked into their hotel quietly. Ren sat on the couch, lost in his thoughts as Horo Horo unpacked in the bedroom. He came back in and snatched one of the complimentary beers out of the fridge, heading back to the room. He paused in the doorway, however, glancing back slightly.
"I'm sorry that I'm stupid and obnoxious. I'm sorry that I'm outgoing and optimistic. I'm sorry if things aren't going exactly as planned. I thought that you'd just be happy with me. I thought that when we said our vows, we meant that just having each other was enough. I thought I was enough for you. So I'm sorry that I was wrong and I misunderstood. Maybe you'd be happier without me; maybe the whole world would. It seems like all I ever do is wrong and ruins your life. Sorry for even existing..." he whispered softly before disappearing through the door. Slowly, Ren lay on the couch. Finding a comfortable position, he allowed the darkness to take him, losing himself in that world of dreams he knew too well.
"Ren... Ren... How could you do that to me? I hate you... I hate you... I trusted you and I never gave up on you through it all. I believed you could be a better person; that you could change... I guess I was wrong... Go away and never come back! Go to hell! Just Go! Die!" Horo said bitterly, his volume gaining into a roar.
"Horo, no! I-I never meant to hurt you! Don't leave me! You know what happens when you aren't there!" Ren sobbed.
"Is that all I am to you! Some defense wall to keep away the nightmares? You can just drown in them, for all I care! I never want to see you, ever, ever again!" he yelled angrily.
Ren's eyes flew open and he scrambled from the couch, breathing in desperate gulps of air. "He hates me... Maybe he'd be better off without me." he whispered shakily, his body trembling as he stumbled to the counter and left a short note. He grabbed his kwan dao from its resting place and left the hotel, his legs breaking him into a run, not caring where he went. He let his feet carry him to the beach, where he dropped to his knees in the sand, staring up at the night sky.
"Why am I always being teased? Why is the light always just beyond my reach? It sparkles so brightly, it makes me just believe that I can grasp it, and then it flutters through my fingers as though it were never there. I never wanted to lose him. What went wrong? I love my Ainu-baka Horo. I love him so much it hurts." he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes.
"I love you, too, my sexy koibito." a soft voice whispered in his ear, and familiar lips caressed his jaw and neck as warm arms pulled him flush against a heated body. Ren's body tensed, then relaxed into the loose embrace.
"Horo, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to say that. Please don't leave me. Please, I don't want to lose you ever. You mean the world to me." Ren said as salty pools fell to the sand. He turned, staring desperately into his husband's azure eyes.
"Ren, baby, you never lost me. You never will. It really hurts when you say things like that, but I'd take your punches for kisses as long as they came from you. When I said 'I do,' I accepted all of you, the good and the bad, no conditions. When I married you, it was the happiest day of my life." the bluenette said, leaning in to kiss him softly.
"Me too." Ren smiled as they broke the kiss.
"It's late. Why are you up?" Horo asked gently, eyes radiating with love and concern.
"Just a dream. I was so scared that you hated me. I never like to admit it, because it feels like admitting to weakness, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid of hurting you and driving you away. You're the only one I've ever felt this way about, and I love the feeling. I never want it to end. Because when I'm here in your arms I feel safe and warm and welcome. I feel loved for the first time and I don't think I can survive without it anymore. When I used to dream, it was always nightmares. My dreams would tell me how horrible I was, and I believed it. I was tormented by the things I did in the past, and I was flying into depression. Then you came along, and it was like I'd found the light. Suddenly, it didn't matter anymore. nothing mattered but you. I love you." he sniffed.
"Ren, I'm sorry... I should have be..." he was cut off as Ren shoved him on his back, kissing him slowly.
"Look, you got sand in my hair..." Horo whined.
"Am I a bad boy?" he asked with a sly grin.
"Maybe..." Horo replied huskily.
"Are you gonna give me a spanking?" he whispered, running his tongue along the bluenette's ear and blowing on it.
"Most definitely." he half-moaned.
"Then shut up and kiss me, my Ainu-baka." he said, claiming Horo's lips. He flipped them over so that he hovered over Ren, supporting his weight with his arms on either side of Ren's head.
"I will, but not here. Come on, it's time for your medicine, oh evil one." he said with a grin, helping Ren up as they headed back to the room.
"So, what'll it be? Detention?" Ren asked.
"Nope. A new game I thought up. I like to call it Bondage." Horo Horo said mischievously.
"Ooh, I like the sound of that." Ren smirked.