A Frothy Cappuchino

Disclaimer: I do not own the following characters mentioned in this writing: Yuffie, Sephiroth, JENOVA, Cloud, Aerith, Gast, Hojo, Scarlet. Those characters, and the country of Wutai of creative properties of Square Enix. I don't own Pat Benatar's "We Belong" either.

"Umm, could you get me one venti espresso, with six shots in it?"

These were the words Sephiroth heard across the small Wutainese cafe, causing him to uncharacteristically display facial movement-the raising of one eyebrow. He nodded his head up from his own drug of choice (a steaming hot black coffee), looking up at the counter, and saw on of the most shocking scenes of his life. The character who was ordering the drink that contained so much caffeine and sugar it could bring down a lumbering Marlboro, was none other than a petite ninja, barely five feet tall. When the proprietor handed her the poisonous concoction, she gave a spirited little nod and a "Sankyu." escaped her lips.

Sephiroth at this point tilted his head back down, not wanting to seem uncouth, observing the small ninja from his perch meters away at a small, one person table. Oh dear, did I say one person? I meant two. Lucky lucky day, because it seemed nearly every other seat in the entire cafe was filled. With obnoxious tourists wearing sunglasses inside and Costa del Sol print shirts that still had the price tags hanging off of them, no less. Lucky lucky day Sephiroth.

So the little ninja sat down across from the feared general and sipped her drink. If it could be called that, which Sephiroth doubted. That much caffeine was hardly appropriated for any beverage, even if you were a sleep deprived trucker. He hoped, that maybe, just maybe he would be left to his thoughts in silence. Yet he wasn't.

"Hiya." said the girl genially, in her singsong ever so perky and upbeat voice. Wait, he knew that voice. It was one of Cloud's acquaintances, he thought with disdain, his face showing disdain. Yucie, Yuffin, what was her name? The encounter was becoming worse by the moment. Now his only hope was that it would go completely downhill quickly, and just get itself over with. Still, he had to respond, it was only polite, and as we all know, Sephiroth knew more about etiquette than Miss Manners herself.

"Hello." he muttered, only a hint of exasperation showing in his deep voice.
"You know what your problem is Sephiroth?" Yuffie countered happily, jumping right into conversation.
"Hmm?" Sephiroth elaborated boredly.
"Your catchup intake is waaaaay too low." came the reply, as though what Yuffie was saying was only the most obvious thing world, which gave Sephiroth the slightly amusing, slightly disturbing mental image of the ninja in a white lab coat with glasses and a hunchback saying something like 'It should be obvious. You catchup intake is too low.' as if it was a scientific fact. A Hojo-ism, heh.
"Why do you say that?" he added, in a similar tone that conveyed an attitude that stated quite plainly 'That was the craziest thing I have ever heard.'
"Catchup is a natural relaxant. I can tell your not getting your daily allotted amount of catchup because you're so uptight. If I didn't know better I would think that the Masumune was stuck up your ass." Sephiroth frowned at the vulgar last part of Yuffie's comment, and giving her words a little more thought, to see if there was any merit, decided there wasn't.
"You're insane." He replied.
"Thanks. Coming from the man who ripped his supposed mothers head off her shoulders, and then ran off to run the world, that sounds like a thinly veiled complement." she scoffed at Sephiroth. He made a sour face, at the suggestion he would be anything but careful with his beloved mothers welfare.
"It wasn't meant to be. Also, I didn't rip off her head, I detached it with the utmost delicacy." he said through gritted teeth. It was becoming harder and harder for him to remain civilized.
"Yeah, sure delicate." Yuffie mumbled sarcastically, resting her chin on her hand. Sephiroth shifted in his own seat slightly, before making his definite opinion known.
"You're really beginning to perturb me." He added with exasperation.
"Keh! You and everyone else." Yuffie punctuated her comment with a sigh.

Then, there was silence fore the span of about three minutes. Ah blessed lack of noise. Well, as noiseless as a crowded cafe filled with obnoxious tourists nattering on about things that really didn't needed to be talked about at all. At the table across from them, an older lady, with a voice that could be compared to nails on a chalkboard, and a laugh that could rival Scarlet's screech was conversing with her companion, another older lady with blue hair, like some older women have, about fungal creams.

At yet another table, a man who was most certainly in drag with a floppy purple hat (Yuffie noticed that that man didn't look half as good as Cloud did when he was dressed like a woman) was humming what sounded like "Tra la la!" and stirring his tea with a spoon that made a metallic clinking noise so often that it had to be unnatural. Occasionally one would hear a long buzzing noise, which was someone or others faulty hearing aid.

'Gawd see what you did to my lovely homeland of Wutai, Sephiroth.' Yuffie sulked silently to herself, absentmindedly allowing her over-caffeinated drink cool down to room temperature. Even with the loads of materia she had brought home after her adventures with AVALANCHE, it still hadn't been enough to restore Wutai to a shred of its former glory, which plainly, sucked. She wondered if there was anything else that could go wrong or become worse. Her question was answered not a minute later.

When a small clearing in the corner lit up, with a single stool in the middle and ac adaptors, amps, and other things associated with musical instruments. Then a high pitched squeal. Yuffie thought it was that horrible hearing aid again, but no, it wasn't. It was a microphone. No, oh god no, this cafe had actually planned some crappy entertainment on the very day, nay, hour she was there.

"Ummm, yeah hi everyone." said the gangly looking ma whose ears were too big. The same guy who was occupying the stool in the cleared are, holding a beaten up looking guitar which was perched on his knee.

"I've kinda prepared a special piece for the audience today. It's, uhhh, a cover of Pat Benatar's "We Belong". So uhm...I hope you enjoy it." he finished his articulation, and then began to strum his out of tune instrument.

Many times she's tried to tell him, how much he needs a cell phone
Always she's surprised how well he cut Aerith to the bone
Don't want to kill her really; he's really not that kind of guy
But Mother says he has too, but the doubts complicate his mind

Yuffie slumped in her seat, and Sephiroth just raised an eyebrow as if to say 'What the hell happened, and who the hell put me in this warped version of reality?'

(chorus)
She belongs to Wutai, he belongs to ShinRa
They belong to the influence of the craziness they've both fallen under
Whatever they deny or attack for worse or for weirder
They belong, they belong, they belong together

'Heinous, truly heinous.' thought our resident silver haired man muttered, staring down at his black coffee which had since gone cold.

Maybe it's a sign of MAKO poisoning, when he doesn't say anything
Maybe they just don't know what to do with the plot anyway
Has it become a habit, Squeenix does distort the facts
Now wait that was Hojo, and maybe Gast, but there is no turning back

(chorus)
She belongs to Wutai, he belongs to ShinRa
They belong to the influence of the craziness they've both fallen under
Whatever they deny or attack for worse or for weirder
They belong, they belong, they belong together

Yuffie had half a mind to say 'Am I on 'Candid Camera'?' but Sephiroth beat her to the punch by muttering "This is my divine punishment, isn't it?" which was more of a statement than a question in this case.

The evidence supports it, just look at AC, she runs up a wall and
He wears a trench coat thingy, but then people will argue that
The whole movie was a wire-fu homage to the Wachowski's
He hears her voice inside him, or maybe that's JENOVA's, anyway

"If this is your divine punishment, then why am I suffering for it?" Yuffie implored miserably to the green eyed man across the table from her.

(chorus)
She belongs to Wutai, he belongs to ShinRa
They belong to the influence of the craziness they've both fallen under
Whatever they deny or attack for worse or for weirder
They belong, they belong, they belong together

"You're annoying that's why." Sephiroth replied matter of factly.

(chorus)
She belongs to Wutai, he belongs to ShinRa
They belong to the influence of the craziness they've both fallen under
Whatever they deny or attack for worse or for weirder
They belong, they belong, they belong together

As the song ended, the two sat their, stunned. Yuffie was wide eyed, while Sephiroth's green ones were narrowed critically.

"Let's never speak of this again." Sephiroth said abruptly.
"Agreed." Yuffie replied, sealing the sacred agreement.

The man who had been singing said one last thing which was "Thanks you very much Cleveland!" (Even though they weren't in Cleveland, but Wutai), and then Yuffie passed out from the sheer ludicrousness of the situation.

Because of that, Sephiroth was forced to scoop up the unconscious ninja and carry her out of the building. Then all the unseen Yuffieroth supporters collectively chorused 'Awwww, he really does care!' which was not actually the case, considering as soon as he Sephiroth had exited the building, he sprinted to the nearest river, and the dumped the ninja in, hoping she would either drown or die of hypothermia. But that didn't happen, because three months later he received a mysterious parcel by post, in which contained a bottle of catchup.

Authoress's Notes This fanfic was inspired by my dear friend Momo, who one day while watching Advent Children announced "Yuffieroth sounds like a frothy cappuchino."